


The Perfect Match

by angel_authoress



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dark Comedy, Deviates From Canon, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, Mild OoC, Mild Smut, Minor Original Character(s), Sort Of, asylum AU, but it's all good bc alternate universes, no one take this too seriously, sort of one-sided relationship, this black hat might be a little more crazy than his canon self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-05-14 13:58:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 66,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19274731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_authoress/pseuds/angel_authoress
Summary: After crashing a plane while on the run from the police, Dr. Flug is sent to work at the Research Lab for Heroes in hopes that he will be “rehabilitated” and set on the path of good rather than the path of evil. But things go from bad to worse when a group of heroes from Men Without Hats successfully capture the infamous Black Hat. While they struggle to come up with a way to kill him, Dr. Flug is unfortunately tasked with one thing: being Black Hat’s new chewtoy.Based on the Asylum AU by zwagyzonkUpdated (hopefully) every Tuesday!





	1. Crash

**Author's Note:**

> hello all! it was only a matter of time before I started writing for this fandom
> 
> a few things to say before we begin: 
> 
> -yes, the asylum au. i know, i get it, everyone's doing it. but i thought the concept was interesting and i wanted to put my own spin on it.
> 
> -seeing as how this fic is paperhat, i feel i should probably warn you that while I tried my best to keep black hat somewhat in character, this is an AU, so he may come off as OOC. if that is not your thing, then this fic may not be for you. you have been warned. 
> 
> -mind the rating please! i kept any and all sex implied (for now, but if you guys are interested i could change it up and bump the rating) but a couple scenes get a little saucy. if you're sensitive to violence, be mindful of that as well, because there's a lot of that in this fic. 
> 
> -there are a couple of oc's in the story to keep it moving along- but you don't need to worry much about them. they're not important and they don't show up very often.
> 
> -this fic is pretty much entirely finished already, so I'd like to update weekly! 
> 
> -last but not least, this fic was pretty much entirely self-indulgent, but i do hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it. needless to say, while i'm a tad nervous, i'm also a bit excited to share this with the ever-growing villainous fanbase.
> 
> anyway, if i haven't scared you off by now, i present to you the first chapter!

_It wasn’t my fault._

_It wasn’t my fault._

_It wasn’t my fault._

This is what Dr. Kenning Flugslys told himself on repeat as he sat handcuffed to the table, foot tapping restlessly against the linoleum floor. His heart pumped erratically against his ribcage as he frantically looked around the dimly lit room in search of anything familiar to keep him grounded.

Nothing.

There was nothing, and there would likely _be_ nothing for the rest of his life.

He was without his paper bag and gloves for the first time in a while, and that only made him more nervous. He was already hideous enough before the crash, and he was sure that the additional injuries he sustained didn’t help. He had begged for the police officers to let him keep it, said that they wouldn’t like what they saw underneath, but they had roughly yanked it off of his head and tossed it into the trash, along with his goggles and gloves.

He had been alone in this tiny room for the better part of an hour and every second that ticked by only made him more and more anxious. Regardless of intentions, of who was or wasn’t at fault, he knew that this was the end of the line for him. He’d messed up one too many times- and this mistake had cost people their lives.

Finally- _finally_ \- after what felt like an eternity, the door swung open. A tall, sharply-dressed woman entered the room, as calm and collected as ever, but he could tell by the look in her eyes that there was a storm brewing beneath her emotionless façade.

She motioned for the officers behind her to shut the door as she seated herself across from him, crossing her legs. She folded her hands neatly and placed them on the table. She was smiling, but there was nothing warm or cheerful about it.

“I almost didn’t recognize you without the bag,” she started, her voice cold and calculating, “but I’d know you anywhere, Flugslys. Your name means ‘plane crash’, does it not? You must find this amusing.”

Suddenly feeling even more self-conscious than usual, Flug pulled a section of his dark hair over his left cheek to cover the large scar there. This wasn’t the first time he had dealt with the authorities- and really, under any other circumstances he wouldn’t be this nervous. But since it was his career- his _livelihood_ on the line, he was far more uncomfortable.

“Miss, please give me a chance to-“

She held up her hand, silencing him. “Oh no, _doctor_ , you don’t need to explain anything.”

“Ma’am, please-“

“Did you _want_ to kill all of those people? Is that what it was?”

“Wha- no! I-I just- I was trying to escape and I-I didn’t pay close enough attention and I… I crashed…”  

“You were _running_ from the police.” She heaved a long, agitated sigh, struggling to maintain her composure. “Forgive me, Flug, but I’m just having trouble understanding your thinking here. You seriously thought you could evade both heroes and the police in the skies?”

“I-“

“Enough.” She ran a hand over her face, and Flug could see a faint line of mascara trailing down her cheek. “We’ve talked it over at HQ, and we’ve reached a decision.”

Flug perked up at that. He knew full well that whatever decision they had reached wouldn’t be a good one for him. But he was tired of waiting. _“Damn it all, lady, would you just tell me that I’m going to prison and get on with it-“_

“You’ve got quite a bit of degrees under your belt, don’t you? Amazing, at such a young age.” She opened the manila folder she had brought with him containing his file. “Let’s see… a PhD in chemistry and biochemistry, a master’s degree in biology, another PhD in computer sciences… I must say, you’re every research lab’s dream guy.”

Flug guessed that the file failed to mention that the school he went to was a villain’s school, though she probably already knew that.

“Your past crimes are worthy of many, _many_ years in prison. But unfortunately, they’ve decided that you’re too valuable to kill or throw in prison. They believe that your brain could do wonders for heroes and hero research. However, they also think that judging by the path you’re on now, it’d be best to get their hands on you before you convert to a life of full-fledged villainy. If the right villain gets a hold of you, it could spell trouble for us, you know?”

 _A life of full-fledged villainy_? Flug hadn’t thought about it that way before, but now that she mentioned it…

“So, with all of that being said, first things first: your pilot’s license is being revoked, although I’m sure you expected that. Secondly, you will be placed in a research lab for heroes where you will work alongside a team of like-minded individuals to help heroes make the world a better place. I’m sure you’ll be able to put all those PhD’s of yours to good use.”

 _Oh, joy,_ Flug didn’t say- although he really, _really_ wanted to.

“You will be required to work there for one year before you will be permitted to take your pilot license test again. I can assure you, you will be paid quite handsomely for your service. If it were up to me, I would’ve put you behind bars where you belong, but lucky for you, it’s not up to me. So congratulations, Flugslys, you’re getting rehab and a raise for committing manslaughter. Speaking of that…” She pulled another sheet of paper from the folder. “Your charges. HQ agreed to drop them and clear your entire criminal record if you can prove, after a year, that you are mentally stable and will not become a danger to society.”

Needless to say, Flug was just as surprised as she was that he was getting off the hook with such a light punishment. Although if he didn’t have as many college degrees as he did, his fate probably would’ve been much worse. They had only decided to spare him because they thought he would be of use to them. He had to remember that going forward if he had any hopes of getting his pilot license back.

“You’re awfully quiet. You must be feeling pretty good right now, huh? Well, enjoy it. Not many people get this kind of opportunity.” She rose to her feet, gathering the papers into the folder and promptly closing it. “You will be escorted back to your home. You start work next Monday at the Research Lab for Heroes, 7 A.M. sharp. Don’t be late.”

Flug nodded vehemently as she quickly walked out of the room, her tight ponytail swaying as she moved.

Finally he could get out of these damn handcuffs.

* * *

A week passed quicker than Flug expected, and before long he was already mentally preparing to enter the lab for his first day of work. He’d done a bit of research on this place prior to coming to work, and he’d found that this was the largest research lab for heroes in the world, and was currently leading in sales for hero products.

If he was being honest, it sort of disgusted him. He and heroes had never really clicked, simply because their “holier than thou” attitudes pissed him off to no end. Most heroes were liars anyway, only getting their hands dirty when it benefited them to do so, and only into the whole “hero” thing for publicity and money. It was no wonder that the helpless saps without powers like him ended up turning to villainy at one point or another.

He could at least respect that most villains were honest- they didn’t pretend to be something they weren’t when it came to what they did. Most of them, when in the presence of other villains, were upfront about the fact that they were terrible people that did terrible things, and they weren’t ashamed of it. As awful as it was, Flug sort of admired that.

He dreaded the looks he was bound to get- he was sure that most if not all of them knew about his past and his tendencies towards villainy. But then again, if this was a rehabilitation program they were running then perhaps there would be others like him there. He had to think positively; otherwise he wouldn’t survive a whole year here.

With that mindset in place, Flug straightened himself, drawing in a deep, calming breath before heading inside. It was nothing he wasn’t used to- white walls, white floors, bright lights- all standard for a laboratory. But it was all so much _bigger_ , so much more _open_ than what he had grown accustomed to.

After making sure his paper bag was on straight, he walked up to the receptionist’s desk. “Hello, um… my name is Dr. Flugslys, I think they’re expecting me..?”

The girl behind the desk smiled politely before typing his name into the computer. “Dr. Flugslys… ah, there you are. You’re part of the villain rehabilitation program, correct?”

And _there_ it was. “Yes, I am.”

She briefly rooted through a stack of folders before finding the one with his name on it. “Alright, I’ll let them know you’re here and they’ll call me when they’re ready for you. In the meantime I’ll need you to fill out these forms, okay?”

Flug took the folder from her, and although she couldn’t see it, he smiled brightly. “Thank you.”

The girl nodded and returned to her work, and Flug quickly searched the waiting room for a seat. Thankfully they weren’t too busy today, so he was able to find an open row of seats where he could sit by himself and not have to worry about nosy people looking over his shoulder. The questions were relatively standard- asking about his health- both mentally and physically- his past education and employers, and his history of crime. Flug answered each question honestly- he didn’t feel the need to lie. After all, they could probably tell if he did, and it would be best not to risk lengthening his stay here.

The last page required Flug to fill out all of his personal information- date of birth, social security number, driver’s license number, etc. He set the pen down on his lap to dig into his labcoat pocket for his wallet, only to be interrupted by the sound of a loud male voice. “Bring the pres down; we’ve got a new one!”

The girl behind the desk looked up to find the source of the voice, and her eyes seemed to widen in something akin to terror as she frantically reached for the phone, fingers shaking as she dialed the number. Her voice cracked fearfully as she spoke to the ‘pres’- the president of the company, perhaps?

Questions swam through Flug’s head as he and the other people in the waiting room tried to figure out what was going on. Nothing else had been said after those ominous words, so he figured that now all they could do was wait for the company president to arrive before they’d get any answers.

There was the sound of shuffling outside and Flug could’ve sworn he heard a low, quiet voice. But he wasn’t about to get up and check. His curiosity was _not_ going to get the better of him this time.

About two minutes passed before finally the company president made his way out into the waiting room. He was an older man, with a head full of thick dark gray hair and thinly-framed black glasses. There was an air of authority to him, and nothing about his presence seemed warm or welcoming. He didn’t even bother to give anyone in the room a second glance as he stood in front of the door, hands behind his back.

“Bring him in.”

A group of men and women dressed in white hazmat suits brought in what appeared to be a man, based off of what Flug could see from his chair. What stuck out the most was the large top hat he wore on his head, and he seemed to be wearing a matching black suit. Flug couldn’t see much of him since he was being covered by the people surrounding him, but if he looked up and craned his neck _just_ right, he could see the man’s face.

The first thing Flug noticed: the “man” was not a “man” at all, and even if he was, he was not a human man. Humans didn’t have gray skin.

Secondly, he was _grinning-_ how were his teeth so sharp?

“Black Hat,” the company president said, “what a pleasant surprise.”

No. No _fucking_ way. _The_ Black Hat? The infamous villain Black Hat?

He certainly fit the description. Very few people had seen Black Hat and lived to tell about it, but those who did described him exactly as he appeared now. A tall, sharply dressed man with a top hat.

Flug was essentially in the presence of villainous royalty.

But what was villainous royalty doing _here?_ If he didn’t know any better, Flug would say that the notorious Black Hat had been captured by heroes. And there was simply no way that was true. Black Hat would _never_ allow himself to get captured.

“You will make a fine addition to our collection. We’re going to enjoy thoroughly exploring you.”

Again Black Hat didn’t answer, but his visible eye drifted around the room, taking in the sight of his new prison. Flug hadn’t thought to look away; mesmerized by the mere presence of the villain, and before long the two had locked eyes. It took everything Flug had not to let out a shriek and break eye contact. But even if he wanted to, he didn’t think he could.

Black Hat’s gaze held him steady. He could only stare as the man’s visible eye grew hooded, a devious grin creeping up his lips. He saw the teeth in his smile poke up from behind his popped jacket collar and _fuck_ , Flug should _not_ find that attractive.

Then, Black Hat did something Flug never would’ve expected from him in a million years.

He winked.

Moreover, he winked at _him_.

There was no denying the salacious undertone. Flug’s face went about five different shades of red and he was thankful that nobody in the room could see it. He quickly tore his gaze away, forcing himself to look down at the paperwork he had been doing before he had been distracted by this- man, demon, _thing_ \- whatever he was. A futile effort, because with him in the room, there was no way Flug would be able to focus.

“Not much of a talker, are you?” The company president clicked his tongue. “Well don’t worry; we’ll fix that in no time. Go ahead and take him to a containment cell.”

Something told Flug that Black Hat was most definitely a talker. He was giving them the silent treatment for a reason.

If he had dared to look up again while he finished the rest of his paperwork, he would’ve seen the way Black Hat looked back at him as he was escorted out of the room.

The waiting room was deathly quiet for a solid thirty seconds before the company president cleared his throat, clapping his hands together to clear the room of any tension. “Is there a Dr. Flugslys here?”

Flug perked up just as he finished the last of his paperwork, awkwardly shoving the papers back into the folder as he rose to his feet. “U-Um, yes sir, that’s me. I go by Dr. Flug.” He stood up to greet him, sticking his hand out for a handshake.

He eagerly accepted the offered hand. His grip was firm, bordering on painful. “Glad to meet you, Dr. Flug. How about we head up to my office and… talk business?”

“I-I’d like that sir…”

With that, Flug followed the older man back to the elevator, but not without dropping the finished paperwork off at the receptionist’s desk.

* * *

“I apologize for that… incident. You weren’t supposed to see that,” said the company president _and_ head scientist- Dr. Marlon, as he was called.

“I-It’s no trouble at all sir, no need to apologize,” Flug reassured him.

Dr. Marlon held up a hand as if to stop him. “I’m sure that as someone previously involved with villainy you know who that man was?”

“Y-Yes,” Flug confessed. “That was… Black Hat.”

“Well, then you must know that Black Hat is a very dangerous villain. Heroes have been trying to catch him for years with no success- but it looks like after all this time our efforts have finally paid off.”

Flug still couldn’t fathom that. There had to be something more to this- there was simply no way Black Hat was foolish enough to get captured.

“While we have him imprisoned, we need to take this opportunity to learn as much as we can about him. And unfortunately, we don’t have many scientists that are… _equipped_ to handle a villain like Black Hat. But after taking a look at your file, Dr. Flug… I think you might be a perfect match for him.”

“M-Me?!” Flug sputtered, trying not to blush at Dr. Marlon’s word choice. “S-Sir, with all due respect, may I ask what led you to that conclusion?”

Dr. Marlon laughed at that. “You seem to know the most about Black Hat- in other words, you are more familiar with him as someone who was… a _fan_ of his work, I presume?”

“That’s… putting it lightly. I mean, a lot of villains idolize Black Hat, myself included. Or, uh… at least I _did_ …”

Dr. Marlon sighed and pushed his glasses up so they sat tighter on the bridge of his nose. “You don’t need to try and make yourself look better, Flug. This is a rehabilitation program, remember? I hate to sound cliché, but the first step towards change is admitting that you need to change.”

Suddenly feeling a bit awkward, Flug looked away. “O-Oh, right, uh… sorry…”

“Anyhow, I think this will be a great way to help you. Think of it as a learning experience.”

“A-And h-how do I know that Black Hat won’t try to kill me..?”

Dr. Marlon’s face morphed into an almost sinister expression. “Oh, you don’t. But I can assure you, you’re totally safe. That collar he’s got around his neck keeps him from using his powers. Right now he couldn’t hurt a fly. So feel free to do what you’d like to him.”

Flug shivered at what those words implied. “B-But won’t he just target me once he gets out?”

“Bold of you to assume he’ll get out." Dr. Marlon laughed. "No, you don’t need to worry about that. This place is nearly impossible to escape. Besides, he’s being placed here temporarily while HQ figures out what to do with him. They can’t kill him yet because they don’t know how- and that’s our job. To figure out _how_. We’ve gotta learn what makes him _tick.”_

“I-I didn’t think anything made him tick…” Flug admitted- and it was true. Black Hat had been portrayed in the stories as an endlessly powerful being with abilities beyond most humans' understanding. How anything could make him tick was beyond Flug.

Dr. Marlon laughed. “He’s no god, Flug, despite how he presents himself. Everyone has a weakness, even eldritch abominations like him.”

True as that may be, Flug lowered his head, suddenly finding the floor particularly interesting to look at.

“I can tell that you’re not loving the idea. I don’t blame you. It takes a lot of courage to stand in the same room as Black Hat, let alone run _tests_ on him. But how about I sweeten the deal a little bit?”

He lifted his head ever so slightly.

“If you find a way to defeat Black Hat, I’ll give you the okay on your rehab program. You’ll be free to go get your pilot license- and any and all charges against you will be dropped.”

Flug immediately shot up, eyes wide. “Seriously?! So, you mean…”

Amused at his excitement, Dr. Marlon nodded. “Serious as a heart attack. Work hard enough and you could be out of here after a couple months. So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?”

Flug glanced down at the offered hand. Truth be told, he still didn’t feel all that comfortable accepting. Black Hat was unpredictable, and he really wasn’t all that confident that he was _truly_ powerless. Besides, Black Hat was old- _very_ old, or so the stories say. How was he supposed to figure out his weakness? And how did he know he’d _really_ be out of here quicker? For all he knew, he could still be trapped here for well over a year struggling to find a way to kill Black Hat!

But regardless, he couldn’t turn down this opportunity. If it got him out of here quicker so he could be a pilot again…

Flug tentatively reached out and grabbed his hand. “Tell me everything you know about Black Hat.”


	2. The Caretaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat and Dr. Flug get acquainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is: chapter two! *jazz hands*
> 
> oh yeah idk if yall saw in the summary but like i mentioned before, this fic is finished so updates will hopefully be every tuesday! (but i'm really bad at like. scheduling stuff so. here's to hoping i don't forget sksdklks) 
> 
> thank you to all the lovely people who have left comments and kudos- i wasn't expecting to get so many with just the first chapter!! 
> 
> and a big super special thank you to blackhat-and-whitehat on tumblr who gifted me with a gorgeous comic of a scene from the first chapter! please do yourselves a favor and check them out, their artwork is amazing! 
> 
> without any further adieu, enjoy chapter two!

**NAME:** Black Hat [true identity unknown]

 **AGE:**???

 **SEX:** M

 **HEIGHT:** 6’6”

 **WEIGHT:** 190 lbs

Black Hat’s file was pitifully short. The villain kept an extremely low profile, so any information on what he was exactly or his history was extremely limited. Flug had heard stories of the agents of Men Without Hats mysteriously disappearing whenever they found any sort of information on him. He could only imagine what sort of secrets Black Hat was hiding- secrets that he was willing to kill for in order to keep them hidden.

Then again, Black Hat killed for fun. It didn’t take much to get him to do so, or so the stories said.

**ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:**

-[unconfirmed] source of power is THE HAT

-[unconfirmed] the hat can only be removed by Black Hat

-[confirmed] collar and cuffs keep him and his abilities subdued

-[confirmed] abilities include: shapeshifting, teleportation, laser eye, mind-reading, time manipulation- likely more

-[unconfirmed] was previously human

Flug squinted just to be sure he read that last one right. Human? _Black Hat?_ No wonder it was unconfirmed. Flug didn’t buy that for a second.

Dr. Marlon’s warnings from earlier this morning still rang clear in his head. _“Black Hat is extremely manipulative, so you’ll need to be careful. Have a strong will, and don’t fall for his mind games,”_ he'd warned. _“He’ll most likely try anything, and I mean **anything** , to bargain for his freedom. Don’t let him trick you. Be strong, and if you need anything, let us know.” _

_Be strong_. He could do that. Maybe.

The containment cells in Wing D, where the most dangerous test subjects were held, looked a lot different from the ones upstairs. The large windows were tinted so dark that Flug couldn’t see inside the rooms, although he imagined that was for good reason. The only window he could see through was the small one on the door.

Black Hat’s cell was about halfway down the hall, on the right side. He couldn't allow himself any time to hesitate, otherwise he'd never muster up the courage to go inside. Flug took in a long, deep breath to calm himself before he swiped his card through the card reader. The lock clicked, the red light switching to green, and he cautiously pulled the door open, dreading the sight he would be greeted with when he entered.

The room was unsurprisingly very bare- white tile floors, white walls. But there was something decidedly _off_ about the room- something he couldn't really put a name to or describe. Flug immediately felt unwelcome.

When he forced himself to look up, that's when he saw him.

Black Hat didn’t seem to notice him when he walked in, and if he did, he didn’t care much. He was lounging on the provided mattress, eyeing his claws. Surprisingly enough, they had allowed him to keep the suit rather than sticking him in the usual lab attire for test subjects. Flug was, in some strange way, rather relieved to see that. 

However, he didn't look as restrained as he should be. Flug had imagined him in his head as having a straitjacket, a muzzle, chains around his arms and ankles. But he looked perfectly free and comfortable, with only the silver cuffs and collar around his wrists and neck- the only things standing between him and Black Hat. It was rather unnerving, and Flug would have much rather seen him like he'd imagined. 

He quietly shut the door, unsure of how to approach the situation. What was he supposed to say? How would Black Hat react?

“Well?” Black Hat’s gruff voice suddenly interrupted his internal whirlwind of thoughts. “Are you just going to stand there like an idiot or introduce yourself?”

Flug immediately stood at attention. “O-Oh, right, sorry. I’m uh… Dr. Flug. I’ll be the one carrying out the experiments.”

He sounded exactly and yet nothing like he'd envisioned. Rough, gravelly- nothing like the smooth voice he'd expected to come from such a refined, high-caliber villain. But it was every bit as menacing and monstrous as Black Hat himself- fitting, but entirely inhuman. 

“Experiments?” Black Hat grinned, intrigued. He sat up on the bed, lowering his hands. “Sounds like _fun_. You’re the one from the lobby, aren’t you?”

Flug’s eyes widened, slightly taken aback by the fact that Black Hat had recognized him. “U-Um, yes, I am…”

The villain hummed, eyes raking over his form almost appreciatively. “Well then. Dr. Flug, my caretaker…”

Flug tried not to visibly shiver at the way he said his name. “W-With all due respect, I’m not your caretaker.”

Black Hat cocked his head, his grin spreading. “Oh? Then what are you?”

Flug figured there was no harm in telling him. He had to at least have an understanding of what was going to happen to him, and why he was here. Besides, as of right now he was powerless.

Or so he hoped.

“W-Well, if I can be frank with you, I’m the one who’s going to figure out how to kill you, sir.”

Silence filled the air. The tension grew with each passing second as Black Hat stared at him, blank-faced. Flug’s brows drew together with worry as he started to sweat, fearing that he’d just sealed his fate with him.

Just as he was about to try and awkwardly take it back, howling laughter suddenly broke out from the man- if he could even be called that.

“Oh that is _priceless!”_ Black Hat exclaimed through raucous laughter. “You are _hilarious_ , doctor!” His voice suddenly dropped low. “That’s _good_ , I always like when my toys have a sense of humor.”

“I-It’s not a joke!” Flug stuttered. “I’m serious!”

Black Hat’s laughter finally died down after a few more seconds. His laugh was haunting; it was a sound Flug never wanted to hear again. “Oh, I know it’s not. That’s what makes it funny- the fact that you _seriously_ think there is a way to kill me. Many have tried you know, and if there was a way, don’t you think someone would’ve found it by now?”

“Perhaps,” Flug admitted, despite the hit his confidence took. “B-But it never hurts to try.”

Black Hat’s visible eye widened at the audacity of the young scientist. Very few had the courage to so much as be in his presence, let alone talk back to him and vow to kill him. He could already tell- this human was going to be worth his time. “Oh, Dr. Flug, I’m going to _enjoy_ ruining you.”

Flug thought back to what Dr. Marlon said, about having a strong will, and kept his expression impassive so as not to show how utterly terrified he was. He sat down in the chair across from the bed, opening his laptop. “I-If you could just answer a few questions for me, that’d be great.”  

"I don't care much for questions." Black Hat flatly informed him.

"It won't take long," Flug reassured him. "They're very basic questions- nothing you won't have an answer for, I promise." 

Black Hat met his gaze. There was no denying that the fierce glare was every bit of a warning to not delve too deep, to not ask something he'd ultimately regret. He then shifted so he was sitting upwards, like he was being interviewed- and in some way he sort of was. “Very well. Ask away, _doctor.”_

Flug couldn't help but note that even the way he _moved_ was eerily slow and unnatural. He cleared his throat, burying his observations in the back of his mind for now. “How are you feeling, both mentally and physically?”

Black Hat's self-satisfied smile shifted into a frown of displeasure. “This is a hero’s research lab, not a therapy group. Give me a question worth answering.”

Flug winced ever so slightly. “It’s what’s written here. I can assure you that these are all very important questions.”

He didn’t miss the irritated huff Black Hat let out in response.

“Physically, I feel fine. Bit stiff though, these mattresses could be more comfortable." He pressed a hand against the mattress and frowned. "Any possible way I could get an upgrade? After all, I’ve got to be the talk of the town here. The least Dr. Marlon could do is accommodate for his favorite little labrat.”

Flug thought it best to ignore his request as he typed. “Mmhm, and how about mentally?”

Thankfully, Black Hat didn’t seem bothered by the fact that Flug had blown him off. “Mentally? Are you asking if I’m well in the head, doctor?”

“That’s a crude way of putting it, but essentially yes. Any thought or feeling that you would describe as unusual.”

“Unusual to me or unusual to you?”

Flug should have figured that Black Hat would have different standards than a human would on what constituted as “normal”. “Unusual in general,” Flug said, slightly fearing what he would get in response.

“Mmm,” Black Hat tilted his head, claws drumming against the mattress. “Aside from my usual desire to set things on fire and annihilate most living creatures, nothing too strange.”

“Got it,” Flug said quickly, so quiet that he wondered if Black Hat even heard it. “Now, for this next question I’ll need you to describe your history of violence and other criminal activities.”

Black Hat rolled his visible eye- the most human thing that Flug had seen him do since he walked in. “Doctor, we’d be here for ages if I did that.”

“Then, uh... can you at least summarize?”

“I’ll try. Let’s see… I killed a lot of people, conquered thousands of planets, enslaved many civilizations- and I get a certain thrill out of setting things on fire. That a good enough summary for you, doctor?”

Flug tried his very best not to look as impressed as he was. “Yes sir, that was fine.”

 _“Sir,”_ Black Hat repeated, chuckling darkly. “You’ve no reason to do so, yet you call me that anyway.”

“O-Oh, I just thought it was the polite thing to do, that’s all.”

“Funny how you’re worried about being polite to the person you intend to kill.”

“I assure you, it’s nothing personal sir. Believe it or not, I actually-“ Realizing the error he was about to make, Flug quickly slapped a hand over his mouth. He couldn’t very well admit that he had been an admirer of Black Hat in the past. If he intended to get out of this alive and get his pilot’s license back, he needed to have all the control here. He wouldn't give Black Hat that satisfaction.

 _“Yes?_ Go on,” Black Hat encouraged, leaning in closer to him.

Flug shook his head, focusing once more on the task at hand. “It’s not important. How long have you considered yourself a villain?”

Black Hat deadpanned, quirking a brow. “Are you seriously asking me that? _Me?”_

Flug sheepishly looked away- it was, admittedly, a rather dumb question to be asking _him_ , of all things. “It’s uh… protocol, sir. I have to ask these questions.”

Black Hat did not appear satisfied with the answer, but thankfully decided to humor him anyway- at least for now. “Mm… since forever? It’s not like I woke up one day and said I’m going to be a villain. It’s just what I’ve always been. You know, these questions sound less like scientific questions and more like questions my… _fans_ would be asking me. Are you sure you’re not a fan?”

“N-No sir,” he stammered. “I didn’t write these questions.”

“Good. Fans piss me off.”

Flug could’ve sworn he saw his eye- the one behind the monocle- flash red.

“But you know, doctor… you seem like you’d ask the right questions. It’s a pity you didn’t write them.”

Not too long ago he would’ve been ecstatic hearing such a thing coming from Black Hat, but he had to remember that anything he might say to get on his good side was purely so he could try to weasel his way out of here. Flug would _not_ be responsible for one of the world’s most dangerous villains escaping from a high security hero research lab. He already had _enough_ on his record.

“Alright, that’s all for now.” He closed his laptop and rose to his feet. “I’ll be coming back in periodically throughout the day to check in on you. The tests will officially begin tomorrow.”

Black Hat stood up with him, and Flug couldn’t help but notice how he towered over him. The hat probably made him look taller than he actually was, but there was no denying that he was every bit of six feet, six inches. Flug tried not to let his height throw him off his game, but holy _shit_ he was _tall and that kind of made him more attractive?_ “I can’t wait, doctor. I’ll be eagerly awaiting your return.”

Flug noticed that he’d stuck his hand out for a handshake. He looked up at him, eyeing him suspiciously through his goggles.

Black Hat laughed again, but this time it didn’t sound malicious or horrifying. Almost… _warm?_ No, not warm... _business-like._  He was treating Flug like a client. “You can relax, the cuffs and the collar prevent me from doing any harm to you, right? Besides, I don’t bite… _much.”_

_He’s only playing nice to get out of here. Damn it Flug, why can’t you get that through your stupid ugly head?!_

Without giving it much thought, Flug reached out and took the offered hand in a brief handshake.

Why did he feel like his fate had just been sealed?

* * *

A week had passed since Black Hat had first arrived at the lab, and Dr. Flug was growing impatient.

He’d promised Black Hat that the tests would begin a long time ago, but he hadn’t heard anything from Dr. Marlon. Frankly, as weird as it was, he was sort of craving it. He was a scientist, after all. He thrived on testing things out and coming up with theories. He already had quite a few on Black Hat that he hoped were at least somewhat true. And as strange as it was, he found that he sort of liked that Black Hat kept him guessing, that there was always a new piece to the ever-so complicated puzzle that was Black Hat’s abominable existence. Every day, even without any sort of testing, he left that room with a new piece of information. Nothing game-changing, but it was enough. 

He managed to finally catch Dr. Marlon just before he left his office for his lunch break. “Dr. Marlon, do you have a minute?”

The scientist jumped a bit but turned around nonetheless. “Oh, Dr. Flug, of course. What is it?”

“It’s, um… it’s about Black Hat. I know you said that I would be required to do some tests on him, and it was my understanding that those were supposed to start a few days ago…”

Dr. Marlon appeared visibly uncomfortable, shifting awkwardly on his feet. “Oh, yes. That. Um… well, at HQ we had a bit of a… miscommunication. Some of the HQ members were hesitant about entrusting you with such dangerous materials, given your history and all. In the end they couldn’t reach a consensus. Unfortunately I cannot grant you permission to use those materials until _they_ grant _me_ permission.”

Flug’s shoulders slumped, a defeated sigh slipping past his lips. “Oh… I see…”

Dr. Marlon grinned wickedly, and if Flug didn’t know any better, he might’ve thought _he_ was a villain. “You sound awfully disappointed, doctor. Were you looking to get your hands on Black Hat by any chance?”

Flug wasn’t sure what was wrong with his head as of late, but he _really_ had to stop seeing everything as a double entendre. It was starting to become distracting. “No, not particularly sir. I’m just… for the sake of our deal, I’m trying to move this along. And you know, I’m not a psychiatrist. I couldn’t give you a proper diagnosis for a regular person, let alone someone like Black Hat.”

“I know this is a lot to ask,” Dr Marlon said, placing a reassuring hand on Flug’s shoulder, “but I just need you to bear with me for a bit, okay? I’ll talk to HQ again and see what they say. In the meantime, just… keep Black Hat entertained.”

Before Flug could protest Dr. Marlon was already walking down the hallway to head to the elevator. Flug heaved another defeated sigh.

_“’Keep Black Hat entertained’. Yeah, I’m sure that’ll go over well.”_

* * *

“You know, I’m starting to think you’re holding out on me doctor. Where’s all that fun torture you promised me? I’m ready for my dissection.”

Flug rolled his eyes- he was slowly starting to get accustomed to Black Hat's behaviors and how to appropriately respond to them. “Believe me, if I had the materials present I’d get started on that right away. But unfortunately- their lab, their rules.”

Black Hat shook his head, as if he were disappointed. “Really? Now that’s a shame. If you worked for me I’d give you a whole lab all to yourself. No rules, no limits.”

Flug barely held back a chuckle. “Are you trying to bribe me while you, a _villain_ , are trapped in a _hero_  research lab?”

“Now, _trapped_ is debatable-“

Flug let out a short, disbelieving hum. “Those cuffs look pretty tight.”

Black Hat huffed and held up his aching wrists, glaring at the metal cuffs. “Blasted things. Can’t even teleport with these on. What kind of monstrous abomination of pure darkness can’t teleport?”

“Monstrous abomination, huh? What kind? Like a demon or something?” Flug inquired, tempted to break out his notebook.

“That’s a very, _very_ watered down and simplified word for what I am,” Black Hat clarified with an icy glare. “Some demons might be offended if they heard you referring to them as monstrous abominations, you know.”

Intrigued, Flug sat down across from him. “So if _you’re_ a demon, does that mean that like- Hell is real?”

“Not the Hell _you’re_ thinking of,” Black Hat chided with a scoff. “Hell isn’t just one particular place- although the realm I’m most familiar with does have the kind of _demons_ you’re thinking of. But if you’re hoping for an easy explanation of what I am, then just ‘demon’ doesn’t cut it. Most demons are child’s play compared to me.”

 _Fuck it,_ Flug decided. If Black Hat was suddenly in an answer-questions mood then he wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. “Mmhm,” he said, nodding his head as he wrote. “How about like- Satan or whatever. Do you know him?”

Black Hat tapped his chin as if in serious thought. “We went out on a date once- unfortunately he’s not really a second date kind of guy. The bastard never returned my calls.”

Flug narrowed his eyes at his sharply-dressed prisoner. “Very funny.”

“Why Flug, you wound me. I was being dead serious.”

“Of course.”

Black Hat leaned back languidly on the bed, resisting the urge to flop back against it. “So, any more questions for me, doctor? Or are you satisfied for now?”

“Oh, I have plenty of questions, but I’m fairly certain you won’t answer it if it’s not something you can joke or make vague threats about.”

“Jokes are based on truth, you know,” Black Hat pointed out, picking at his claws.

“Well unfortunately for you, I’m not getting paid to listen to your jokes. I’m getting paid for results.”

A shit-eating grin spread across his prisoner’s handsome face. He sat up, adopting his business-like posture once more. “How about this then? If you can tell a joke that will make me laugh, I’ll _gladly_ give myself over to Men Without Hats.”

“You only laugh at the misery of others. And I sincerely doubt there’s a joke out there that you haven’t heard, being as old as you are- _wait a minute.”_ Flug paused to process what Black Hat had just told him. “You _know_ about Men Without Hats?”

“Of _course_ I do you blithering fool, they’ve been hunting me for years. Hence the name and all.”

“But they’ve caught you,” Flug pointedly reminded him. “They may not have killed you yet, but they have you right where they want you. With all due respect sir, they have the upper hand in this situation.”

The tension in the room suddenly became so thick that it was almost hard to breathe. Flug wondered if perhaps it was Black Hat’s doing, but seeing as how his powers were restricted, it couldn’t be because of any supernatural influence. Black Hat’s head abruptly dropped low with a sickening crack, his hat casting a shadow over his eyes so Flug could only see the glint of his monocle.

“Is that what you think..?” he asked in a deep, rumbling voice. The faint whispers of humanity that Flug might have thought he heard when he was speaking before were entirely missing now, replaced with something unequivocally demonic in nature.

Flug swallowed hard, trying not to be intimidated by this supposed show that Black Hat was putting on. He'd nearly gotten whiplash from the sudden atmosphere change- it was as if a switch had been flipped, and it seems he'd flipped the wrong one.

Still, he pressed on, his only reassurance being those damn cuffs and collar. “I-It’s not an opinion, sir. It’s a f-fact.”

The playful mood was now entirely gone, replaced by something sour and deeply unsettling. “…Awfully _bold_ of you to come in here and make presumptions like that in my presence.”

Flug’s heart pounded violently against his ribcage. Was this it? Was Black Hat going to break out of his restraints and kill him right here? “Y-You can’t hurt me. That collar won't let you...”

Black Hat tossed his head back and laughed, and it was that same haunting laugh that sent chills down his spine- the laugh that shook him to his very core. “Hurt you?” He gracefully rose to his full height and approached the frozen scientist slowly, step after step, until finally he was right next to his covered ear. “I'm going to do _more_ than hurt you. I've decided- I'm going to turn you into something new. Something better than what you are- something vile and disgustingly beautiful.”

“W-What are you talking about?” Flug managed to ask through shaky breaths, his legs quaking, threatening to give out any moment under the weight of Black Hat's presence.

But rather than give him a proper answer, Black Hat merely laughed again, amused at his trembling. He mercifully stepped back away from Flug, giving the scientist his chance to escape.

“You’ll find out soon enough," he called after him as Flug rushed out the door in a panic.

* * *

The next visit came a day or so later, after Flug finally managed to calm himself enough to come back to see Black Hat. It took a lot-  _a lot-_ of mental courage to walk through that door again. Any smart person probably would've taken jail time over this- but while Flug was a certified genius, no one could ever say he didn't take risks from time to time. 

“H-Hello again sir. I won’t be in long, but I’m required to visit you multiple times a day to monitor you.”

Black Hat didn't appear very pleased to see him again- as if his poor mood from yesterday hadn't yet lifted. “Oh, how _sickeningly_ sweet of you. Are you sure you’re not my caretaker?”

“I’m positive,” Flug reassured him.

“Mm, then can you arrange for one? I’m positively famished. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been here and Dr. Marlon hasn’t even _once_ considered that I might fancy a meal? Disgraceful. This is one of the many reasons why heroes disgust me.”

“U-Um, if I’m not mistaken you don’t need to eat, sir,” Flug meekly pointed out.

Black Hat shot an icy glare at him. “Technicalities, doctor. I may not _need_ to eat, but that doesn’t mean I don’t _want_ to.”

“What do you like to eat sir?” Flug asked- not out of any sort of requirement- just out of curiosity.

Black Hat’s grin darkened. “Oh, I’m not sure I should tell you- I might frighten your delicate human heart.”

Flug frowned- and couldn't help but feel the slightest bit offended. “I’m not delicate. Whatever it is, I can handle it. I’m not asking because I have to. I’m asking because I _want_ to.”

Black Hat’s brows raised curiously. “Oh, are you now? Well, let’s just say my palate is very _refined_ \- monstrous I may be, yes, but even _I_ have standards.”

“...Have you ever eaten a person, sir?” Flug asked in a fearful tone, only mildly terrified of the response.

Black Hat hummed thoughtfully. “Mm, from time to time I've indulged- but your culture seems to frown upon the idea of consuming humans. Not that I care much for that, but- appearances and all.” His eye then grew hooded as a wicked thought came to him. “Although, I _do_ get a craving for human flesh every now and then… care to let me have a taste?”

Flug immediately backed away. “Please don’t eat me.”

Black Hat laughed, but didn’t give Flug any indication that he wouldn’t try to take a bite out of him. For that reason, Flug kept a respectable distance and remained by the door.

“So? What _questions_ do you have for me now?”

“O-Oh, no more questions today. That’s not until tomorrow morning. Besides, I take it you’re, um... not a fan of people asking you questions.”

“You assume correctly.” Black Hat crossed his legs, letting out a brief sigh. “Alright then, if you have no questions and you’re not going to stick your scalpel in me then what are you doing here? I’ll warn you, I don’t have a lot of patience when I’m hungry.”

“D-Do you even _get_ hungry?”

 _“Questions,_ doctor.”

“R-Right. Sorry.”

Black Hat seemed to think to himself for a moment before a downright diabolical smile split his lips. Flug noticed that he only ever smiled like that when he was about to make a proposition- he seemed to get his kicks out of deals and offers and such. Flug couldn't help but be reminded of a shady car salesman whenever he got that look in his eye. “How about this? We’ll compromise. You can ask me one question a day that’s not a ‘protocol question’, and in return, you must answer any question I have for you.”

“Wh- no!” Flug sputtered, as if appalled at the idea. “That’s hardly fair, considering that you could just decide not to answer if I ask something too personal.”

“So could you,” Black Hat countered. “You’re the one in control here, doctor.” He then gestured to the cuffs and the collar as a silent reminder of his situation.

In a rare moment of confidence, Flug’s expression hardened, even though Black Hat couldn’t see it beneath the bag. “...P-Please quit patronizing me. I’m not an idiot. You just want me to think that, right? So I’ll get overconfident and slip up. I’m fully aware of what you’re capable of, and I don’t underestimate you in the slightest. S-So if you’re trying to lure me into a false sense of security with the nice guy approach, then I’m sorry to say that it’s not going to work. I know I have control here, and I don’t need _you_ to tell me that.”

Black Hat’s eyes widened, his mouth falling open ever so slightly. Flug could see a hint of those sharp canines poking out of his mouth and for a moment he thought he’d stunned him into silence.

Finally Black Hat’s grin was back full-force. “Well well,” he drawled, “look at you, _doctor_. Taking control like that.”

Flug could’ve sworn he heard a purr in his voice and it took all he had to suppress the delicious shiver he felt roll up his back in response. “I think I’ve made my point. I’ll be back to check in on you before lights out.”

As Flug approached the door, he turned and spared one last look at Black Hat, and for a second he thought he saw that same hint of red in his eye again.

“Come again soon, doctor.”

On the way back to his office, Flug flipped to a new page in his notebook where he’d started to write down everything he knew about Black Hat. He leaned against the wall and fished a pen out of his pocket, clicking the end of it. Then, although with some hesitation, he wrote with trembling hands:

_Something about him makes me shiver, but it’s not just fear._

Psychiatry was not his strong suit, but it would be a necessary component in determining how to take down Black Hat. He couldn’t miss anything. Anything that could possibly be used against him, he had to make a note of.

The first noteworthy thing was Black Hat’s arrogance- Flug could tell from a mile away that his very presence exuded confidence. Even when walking inside the building restrained, you’d think he owned the place judging by his aura alone. But it was almost to a disturbing level- Flug could not pinpoint how deep his narcissism ran, but he wrote it down anyway.

The second thing- his aversion to questions. He would not answer questions he didn’t like. He didn’t like talking about his past. Perhaps because he considered it irrelevant? Flug doubted it was because it was difficult to talk about- even after only having visited him a few times Flug could tell he was not a being with a very high emotional capacity.

Any idiot could’ve told him that the key to defeating Black Hat was likely in his past- he was no fool. However, seeing as how that wasn’t in the cards for him right now, an alternative would be necessary. He needed to delve deeper, into the more _physical_ aspects of what Black Hat was exactly, if he wanted to find a way to kill him. If he could find no emotional or mental weakness, he would find a physical one.

After all, he was no god. Flug would prove that.

Maybe in the real world he was a no-good scumbag, but here, in this lab, in Black Hat’s cell- _he_ was the one with all the power.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *a little note about the very beginning, where flug is reading all the information on black hat: i completely guessed with his weight, but i put him a little on the skinny side because, i mean- look at him lmao. i'm pretty sure that while he has a canon height he doesn't have a canon weight so i improvised ;;
> 
> also don't forget to come scream at me or check for updates at drfluggs on tumblr!!


	3. Good Behavior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flug meets Dementia and learns that there's more to her relationship with Black Hat than he would've thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic broke a thousand hits in three weeks can i get a wahoo (nah but really thanks for the support and all that good stuff, i appreciate it!!!)

“Hey there sweetheart, aren’t you looking especially handsome today?”

“And _you’re_ especially annoying today.”

The annoying girl in question pouted before pressing her hand against the glass, where his face rested mere inches away from on the other side. “You should see if you can get upgraded to Wing C on good behavior. That’s where I am- they’ll never let you out if you’re stuck here in Wing D.”

“You? _Good behavior?"_ Black Hat scoffed. "Color me impressed, Dementia.”

Dementia giggled, tossing a lock of lime green hair over her shoulder. It grew so rapidly that the scientists constantly had to cut it to keep it manageable for experimentation- a process she was none too happy about. She took great pride in her hair, after all. “I did good this month! I haven’t bitten anyone, and I haven’t attacked any of the scientists! So they said I earned some free time!”

Black Hat examined his claws, bored with her presence already. “And you decided to spend your free time bothering me. _Wonderful.”_

“Only because I know you can’t hurt me, silly.” She booped the spot through the glass where his nose would be if he had one, and his glare in response was menacing. If looks could kill, she would’ve been dead. “And because I love you, of course.”

“Don’t push your luck. When I make my escape I might decide to leave you here.”

She pouted, letting out a whine much like a puppy would make when it wanted something. “Aww, don’t be like that! We had a deal!” she reminded him. “You know, I help you-“

Black Hat pressed a finger to his lips, effectively shushing her. “Shut up. Can’t have any of the doctors overhearing, now can we?”

“Sorry,” she said through another chuckle. “Hey, who’s the doctor I saw going into your room? I wish I could’ve seen his face, was he cute?”

“How in the seven hells would I know? He wears a paper bag to hide his face like a coward.”

“Oh. Well that’s lame.” Dementia idly traced patterns on the small glass window with her freshly painted nails. “Check it out, I did my nails. They have little hats on them, aren’t they cute?”

“Dementia, you know how much the word ‘cute’ makes me want to commit violent acts.”

“You don’t think I’m cute?”

_“Dementia-“_

“Or that paper bag guy? Is _he_ more your type-“

**_“Dementia!”_** Black Hat slammed a hand against the glass, cutting her off before she could say something she'd regret. “Enough.”

_“Fiiiiiine,”_ she grumbled in defeat, blowing a strand of red hair out of her face. “Seriously though, how’s your doctor? Mine’s all mean to me.”

Black Hat didn’t respond to Dementia 95% of the time when she asked him questions- but this was one question he found himself wanting to answer. “He’s… unique. He says he’s going to be the one to kill me.”

“To _kill_ you?!” Dementia gasped, eyes going wide before the pupils suddenly narrowed into sharp, dangerous slits. She leaped onto the chair, balling her hands into fists. “I won’t allow it! That lame paper bag nerd isn’t allowed to put his hands on my beloved future husband!”

“I knew perfectly well from the moment I arrived why I am here. They have every intention of killing me… if they can figure out how, that is.” Black Hat’s hooded eye widened as if he just realized he’d forgotten something. “Wait a minute- _future husband?”_

Dementia paid the remark no further attention. “Oh, well would you look at the time? My free time’s almost over! It was lovely chatting with you as always, but I gotta go. Goodbye handsome, until we meet again~!”

_“Dementia!”_

* * *

“Hey, Dr. Flug! Do you have a minute?”

Flug paused when he heard Dr. Marlon calling out to him. “O-Oh, sure Dr. Marlon, what’s up?”

Dr. Marlon glanced almost frantically from side to side, as if he were afraid someone might be watching or listening in, before he grabbed Flug by the arm and pulled him to the side of the hallway. “A few representatives from HQ are here to collect any information you may have found about Black Hat. Were you able to come to any conclusions based off of the questionnaire?”

“U-Um… well, it’s only been a couple weeks, sir-“

Clearly panicked, Dr. Marlon reached under his glasses to rub at his tired eyes. “I know. I’m thinking they want to keep a track record of your progress so I imagine they’ll be checking in from time to time. Do you have anything new, anything at all so they don’t go home empty-handed?”

“The best I can do is give a few educated guesses..?” Flug offered, knowing all too well that it was hardly what he wanted to hear at the moment- but it was all he really had. 

As expected, Dr. Marlon didn’t appear too satisfied with that response, but sighed in resignation nonetheless. “That’ll have to do. Come with me. You don’t have to hide anything about your past- they already know everything about you. These are a few of the agents of Men Without Hats- you know about them, right?”

“A little bit, yes.”

“Good.”

Flug followed the head scientist to the door at the end of the hallway. Three people dressed in business attire- two women and a man- all stood up simultaneously as they entered. One of the women was older, as there were streaks of gray shining through in her dark brown hair. The other woman and the man were both very young, appearing to be about the same age.

“Agents, this is Dr. Flugslys, the newest addition to our villain rehabilitation program. He’s one of the brightest minds I’ve ever seen and, as you know, he’ll be working on Black Hat’s case from now on.”

The older woman gripped his hand in a tight, almost bone-crushing handshake. “Hello doctor, my name is Sandra. These two are my subordinates, Amy and Michael. I’ll be the one overseeing your progress with our subject.”

“I-It’s um, nice to meet you ma’am,” Flug said sheepishly. “I’ll do my best not to disappoint you.”

She smirked and released his hand. “Let’s hope so. Alright, show us what you have, doctor.”

The three agents then proceeded to seat themselves- Flug thought it was rather creepy how they all moved in nearly perfect sync with each other. He cleared his throat- he hadn’t really prepared any sort of presentation. All he’d brought with him was his notebook where he wrote down anything and everything he could think of regarding Black Hat. And admittedly, not all of it was very _professional._ He’d just have to be cautious about what he read out-loud. “A-Alright, well, this was from the first couple of days of my study on Black Hat, and so far I don’t know any more than you all do. B-But based off of, um, what I’ve written down in here…” He frantically flipped through the pages, trying to find notes that didn’t have plane doodles and- oh God, were those _hearts?_ Just how tired _was_ he last night? “Black Hat’s personality is indicative of several personality and mood disorders. He can go from relatively happy and eager one minute to extremely angry and upset the next. It doesn’t take much to upset him. From what I gathered, he’s… nearly impossible to read. But he’s very good at reading others, getting a feel for their weaknesses and finding what makes them tick.”

Amy and Michael seemed all too eager to listen, emphatically writing down all of his observations while Sandra sat still with her arms folded across her chest. If she was impressed by any of this, she certainly wasn’t showing it.

Flug swallowed heavily and pressed on. “Although, if I could be honest with you all for a moment, I don’t think Black Hat is the way he is because he suffers from mental conditions. I think… he just is what he is, if that makes any sense. An evil being that we don’t understand yet because he’s something we’ve never encountered. And as much as it would help us to have the answers to his past, we don’t. That is why I believe it’s time to get physical.”

“Physical?” Sandra questioned.

“Yes. Tests. If we cannot break down Black Hat’s past, or his mind, then we’ll break down his body.”

Sandra nodded. “I see… however, there is one major problem with your suggestion, Dr. Flug.”

Fearing the worst- that he'd totally bombed this presentation- Flug hesitantly asked “W-What’s that..?”

She let out an exasperated exhale through her nose as she rose to her feet. “We have theorized that Black Hat’s body is not his. In other words, he’s using a vessel.”

“Y-You mean like… like possession?”

“In a sense, yes. Black Hat is a supernatural being, after all. Possession is not outside the realm of possibility here, and considering that the hat is likely the source of his power, it’s something we’re seriously considering. If the host body is still alive, then you would be subjecting _him_ to that torture as well. If at all possible, we want to ensure that the host is not present when we kill Black Hat.”

Flug swallowed an incoming sigh of relief. “I’m sure that I can find that out while running the tests, ma’am. I hate to have to put his possible host through this, but if we want to stop Black Hat, I’m afraid that’s a risk we’re going to have to take. Besides, this is all just a theory… isn’t it?”

“Yes and no,” Sandra admitted. “There is not enough data to confirm anything, but we found images that suggest that the Black Hat we’ve come to know was perhaps at one point a human being- or alternatively, he's possessing one. There is a reason that Black Hat is so secretive about his past. Why would he try so hard to protect that secret? It’s certainly not because he’s ashamed of his former weakness. There’s something else to it…”

Flug looked away, ashamed. “I’m sorry. This is all the data I have. I wish I could’ve produced more answers for you.”

Sandra shook her head. “No, this is fine. You did well for your first analysis, Dr. Flug. Thank you for your report, we’ll be checking in from time to time for updates.”

“O-Of course! So, does this mean…” Flug trailed off, hoping she understood what he was asking.

“Yes, you are free to begin testing whenever you’d like. However, keep it simple for now, and don’t go doing something that could kill him before we find out what exactly he is. Remember that he’s weaker now. I hate that we have to even consider taking mercy on that monster, but I’m afraid that for right now we don’t have a choice.”

Flug probably shouldn’t have been as excited as he was. But it was about time. Finally he would get to the bottom of what Black Hat was. He was a scientist. This was what he did- he ran tests until he got the results he wanted.

If it meant getting his life back, he would have to put aside any fondness he may have developed over the years towards Black Hat. Not that he sided with the heroes by any stretch of the imagination, but if it got him out of here, then what choice did he have? Rot in here for the rest of his days? Of course not. He was a scientist, yes, but an inventor, too, and he wanted the world to see his creations.

The heroes would not stand in the way of that. Not even Black Hat would stand in the way of that. Not now, not ever.

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, Black Hat did not fancy being alone.

Sure, most people who dared to be in his presence for more than thirty seconds were usually an annoyance. But when he was (sort of) chained up and trapped in this barren room with no one to torture or talk to (same thing, really- he could torture with words), it got to him. He was left alone with his thoughts- traitorous things, really. _Thoughts._

Before, he didn’t have to think if he didn’t want to. He could indulge and divert all of his energy and attention into something else, like killing a hero, enslaving an entire civilization, or, if the mood just happened to strike him- something mundane, like parties for instance. He wasn't much of a party person- he wasn't what one would call a social butterfly by any means, but he did like a good party every now and then. Lots of alcohol, casual murder- a good time all around, in his opinion.

_I should host another party one of these days._

But he couldn’t do any of that here. Here he only had the cowardly Dr. Flug and that annoying girl Dementia, and even they weren’t always around. When the doctor was away and Dementia was off doing whatever the hell Dementia _does_ , he was alone. And he didn’t like it. Not one bit. Usually he did, but not here.

He tapped a claw against the mattress impatiently. He needed something to do. If he didn’t distract himself his mind would start wandering and- well, the last time he did that he ended up ripping off his entire face out of frustration. Sure, it had grown back in a matter of seconds, but still. Not a pleasant experience. Imagine if his dear doctor were to come in and see him without a face. Ha.

The heroes weren’t aware of why he was here. As far as they knew they believed that they had actually overpowered him. Now Black Hat was not one to underestimate the enemy- one of the biggest mistakes a villain can make is underestimating the hero. But his goal was clear, and in the end, regardless of how it happened, he'd see to it that his goal was met. 

And if he could get the doctor on his side, well, it just might make this process a lot smoother.

If Flug caught onto his little game it could spell trouble for him, but on the other hand, Dr. Flug did not strike him as a run of the mill scientist. As it turned out, there was a mystery beyond what lied beneath that paper bag he wore.

Black Hat could admire that. It was something they had in common, both people of mystery.

Ah, well. He had time. Besides, Flug was sort of almost good company when he wasn’t stuttering or rambling on about how he was going to kill him. What a sense of humor he had.

_Many have tried, doctor. Let’s see if you can be the first._

* * *

_"You!"_

Flug jumped about ten feet into the air as a girl with a large green ponytail suddenly dropped down in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. She landed on her feet in a surprisingly graceful motion. Flug could just barely see her face beneath her hood and red bangs.

He took a few cautionary steps backwards to put some space between them. “W-Who are you?! Are you one of the subjects?! Y-You should be in your cell…”

The girl finally rose to her full height, and that was when Flug noticed her inhuman, mismatched eyes. “Are you the guy who threatened my darling?!”

Baffled, Flug furrowed his brow. “Threatened your… I don’t know what you’re talking about! Secur- mmph!”

A hand clamped over his mouth through the bag before he was abruptly shoved into the wall with a force that was certainly going to leave a few bruises. Moreover- he could tell that she was likely holding back so she didn't shatter his bones. Internally, he was somewhat grateful for the consideration, regardless of however little was there.

She bore her fangs in a low, intimidating growl. “You’re the nerd that threatened to kill Black Hat, right?”

He nodded slowly, unsure of what to do other than tell the truth. 

“If I move my hand, you’re not gonna scream for security or try to run, right?”

Another nod.

With another low growl that Flug took as a warning not to try anything stupid, she removed her hand, but kept the one on his shoulder firmly in place.

“Look,” he started, “I don’t know how you know Black Hat or- how you’re even _here_ right now, but… I didn’t _threaten_ him. If anything, I told him what he already knows.”

The girl rolled her eyes. “Duh, I’m Black Hat’s girlfriend. How else would I know him?”

Flug’s eyes grew to the size of saucers, his jaw dropping dramatically- not that she could see. “Y-You’re his… _what now?”_

The girl maintained a stone-faced expression for all of three seconds before bursting into laughter, resting her hands on her knees. “Holy shit, I can’t believe you _bought that!_ I couldn’t even see your face but you totally looked like I just kicked your sandcastle!”

“I-I did not!” Flug protested defiantly, cheeks warming. “Now tell me, what’s going on here?!”

The subject finally recovered from her laughter, wiping a tear from her eye. “Alright, fine. I’m Dementia, I’m one of their uh… ‘experiments’." With a devious smile she lifted her hands and waved her fingers threateningly. "They gave me super cool lizard powers.”

“I see… and is that how you escaped your cell? Your ‘lizard powers’?”

“Smart boy,” she teased.

Then it hit him. “Wait- if you escaped your cell then why aren’t you trying to escape the lab..? And where’s your collar and cuffs?”

Dementia smirked, pressing a finger against her lips. “That’s a secret, doc. And as for the collar and cuffs, I broke ‘em the day I got ‘em. I only wear them during the day to make the doctors think they still work.”

“It’s Dr. Flug,” he corrected. “And since you’re clearly in violation of the rules, give me one good reason why I shouldn’t tell the others that you’re out of your cell when you shouldn’t be.”

“Because,” she said, stepping forward as if she were going to pin him to the wall again, “I can and will kick your ass, number one. And number two… let’s just say a certain guy with a hat wouldn’t be very happy with you.”

Flug narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “How are you connected to Black Hat? What aren’t you telling me?”

“A lot of things. But I came to see you because first and foremost, _no_ _one_ threatens to kill my sweetheart. And secondly... it's not a good idea to piss him off, you know." 

Flug came to the conclusion that, if she wanted to seriously hurt him, she would've done it already. He was safe- at least for right now. “What do you mean? He’s powerless, he can’t do anything to me!”

Dementia cackled maniacally and shrugged. “Wish I could tell you more, but alas, it is time for me to return!” She pressed a hand against the wall and Flug felt a shiver run up his spine when he saw her hand _fade into the wall-_ wait. It wasn’t fading, it was-

“Camouflage,” he murmured out-loud in astonishment. “Like a chameleon- how many reptiles did they splice your DNA with?”

Another shrug. “Hell if I know. Anyway, nice talk. See ya around doc.” And with that, she was gone, scuttling up the wall. Flug watched as the last hint of her bright green hair was cloaked. He could’ve sworn he heard a hiss as she vanished within the shadows.

Flug let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. That was definitely enough for him tonight- thankfully he was already on his way out the door. But now that he knew that there was another subject here with a connection to Black Hat, Flug began to wonder if perhaps there was more to this than both Black Hat and Men Without Hats were letting on.

And more importantly, why did _he_ have to be in the middle of it all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flug: black hat is hiding things from me, what if he still has his powers, i should be careful around him! 
> 
> meanwhile black hat, in his cell: lol i should throw a party some time
> 
> sorry this chapter was kinda boring and short but the next chapter's gonna have some fun stuff! thanks for reading, i hope you're enjoying it so far!


	4. What's Under That Hat, Anyway?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flug and Black Hat get busy (with some tests, of course!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so for some reason ao3 is fuckin wrong and thinks i last updated this on the fourth, which is not the case. this fic was updated on the third so i'm (mostly) on schedule.
> 
> also just a few warnings: this chapter gets into sort of crackfic territory, but it's nothing too out there. also, there are mentions and references to various sexual activities in this chapter. 
> 
> enjoy chapter four!

“Your tests start today. I’ll need you to change into this.”

Flug tossed him the outfit. Black Hat grinned salaciously once he caught it, eyeing the plain outfit rather seductively. “Asking me to change right in front of you? How bold.”

Flug rolled his eyes, fighting the heat that he felt pooling in his cheeks at the remark. “I’ll turn around to give you your privacy, it’s not like I _want_ to look.”

Black Hat shrugged. “Fine, but you’re missing out. I’m giving you a once in a lifetime opportunity to see me naked and you’re going to turn me down.”

“With all due respect, I don’t _want_ to see you naked.”

“Nonsense. Lots of people want to see me naked. Just ask Dementia.”

“No thanks, I think I’m- _wait_. How do you know that name?”

Black Hat’s mood suddenly shifted from playful to annoyed. “Oh, you met her too? That stupid girl, I told her she was forbidden to come near you! What did she say?!”

Flug huffed. “That information is classified, but I’ll be sure to let the higher ups know that you two seem to be conspiring.” He pointed to the clothes that he had yet to change into. “Now _change,_ please.”

Wordlessly, after Flug turned around, Black Hat changed into the loose-fitting white dress shirt and dress pants. Flug didn’t think there’d be any way he could manage to get Black Hat to change into a standard hospital gown, at least, not without getting security involved to hold him down. Frankly, he wasn’t in the mood for that today. The lengths he went to in order to keep this demon happy…

“Finished,” he announced. “So, what are we doing today, hm?”

Flug turned back around again, and barely managed to stifle a chuckle. He’d taken off his suit, but he still left that hat on. “You couldn’t bear to be without the hat for a day?”

“The hat is a quintessential part of my persona, Flug. It’s in my _name,_ for Hell’s sake. I couldn’t very well call myself ‘Black Hat’ if I didn’t wear a black hat.”

“Well, you’re gonna be laying down for most of this, so I thought you might be kind of, uh… uncomfortable, in that hat?”

“Not at all,” Black Hat replied dismissively. “How sickeningly _kind_ of you to be concerned for my comfort. You really are _my_ doctor, aren’t you?”

Flug promptly cleared his throat, ignoring the way his cheeks practically ignited, the way his chest fluttered at the idea of being _his_. “F-First things first, we can’t conduct any tests in here, so I’ll be taking you down to the testing wing. If you would follow me, that’d be great.”

As he escorted Black Hat through the hall and towards the testing rooms, he couldn’t help but pick up on the stares they received as they walked. Flug couldn’t see them- but he knew they were watching. He could feel their eyes on them. There was no doubt that Black Hat was recognized among both the hero and villain communities. It was no surprise to Flug that there just so happened to be a few of his followers here. After all, he knew what it was like, considering he _was_ one.

Flug had to be careful. For all he knew, Black Hat could be trying to use one of them to escape. He already seemed to be conspiring with that lizard girl Dementia. 

“Here we are,” he announced, sidestepping to allow Black Hat entry. “Please, go ahead and lay down on the table.”

Surprisingly, Black Hat did as he was told without question, but as Flug pulled the cart with all of the necessary materials in through the door, he felt the demon’s eyes on him, staring intently. Flug tried not to meet his gaze as he prepared his tools. Sandra had instructed him not to go too overboard with these tests- although he had a feeling that because Black Hat was, well- _Black Hat_ , he’d probably let Flug take out his organs if that’s what he wanted.

“Alright, first things first, I’m going to hook you up to an EEG machine to measure your brainwaves while we do this. Can you take off the hat?”

“No can do,” Black Hat answered simply, shaking his head.

Flug frowned. “Black Hat, please, I need you to work with me here. Take off the hat.”

“I really don’t think you’ll like what you see underneath,” Black Hat warned.

Flug’s frown only deepened. “No offense sir, but you really don’t strike me as the self-conscious type. Besides, I’m a doctor in many things. There isn’t much that surprises me anymore.”

“The answer is still no.”

“I’ll take it off myself if I have to.”

Black Hat laughed incredulously. “Is that supposed to be threatening?”

“…Kind of,” Flug said sheepishly.

“Didn’t you read the report on me? The hat can only be removed by me.”

“…But that was while you still had your powers.”

Black Hat’s amusement suddenly faded. “Come again?”

Flug stepped closer to him until he was standing right by the table, drumming his fingers against the metal. “I mean, you’re weak right now, aren't you? So I’ll take an educated guess and say that while you’re subdued, that hat will come off.”

Black Hat’s relaxed position immediately tensed again. He recoiled, sliding backwards on the table away from Flug, his lips pulling back in a barely contained snarl. “Don’t you _dare.”_

“It’s only a theory,” Flug continued, unfazed as he continued to draw closer to the top hat. “But a scientist always tests their theories.”

Black Hat’s frigid hand suddenly clamped down around his wrist, curling tighter and tighter by the second. Flug felt the tips of sharp claws threatening to dig into his skin, to pop the veins that resided just underneath. “Try it and you’ll bleed out right here.”

Flug swallowed hard, trying not to show how much he _didn't_ want to get punctured by deadly claws, claws that had probably maimed many unfortunate people in the past. “Try it and you’ll be electrocuted.”

Black Hat _did_ snarl this time, growling low in his throat. “I’m _warning you-“_

“And I’m warning _you_. It would be in your best interest to cooperate,” Flug countered.

His blood was boiling. _God_ , if he could he would’ve shapeshifted into some form of eldritch horror and taught this pathetic human a lesson for daring to challenge him. “You are testing my patience. You were a fun little toy at first but now you’re starting to overstay your welcome in my presence. It would be in _your_ best interest to not try and take off my _fucking_ hat.”

While he may not be able to transform at the moment, it certainly wouldn't hurt to put the scientist in his place. Lately he'd been overstepping his boundaries, and it was about time that he learned who the superior being was. 

And with that, claws dug into his wrist.

Flug only felt the pain for a split second before his wrist was abruptly released. Black Hat threw his head back and howled, claws scratching against the metal table as shocks jerked his body about. He writhed and shrieked, letting out a string of curse words in foreign languages and other unholy noises likely not meant to be heard by human ears, until finally the pain slowly dissipated.

Flug stared down in annoyance at the small puncture marks that Black Hat left in his gloves. “Great. Now I need new gloves.”

Black Hat huffed, eye narrowing into a slit. “I just got… fucking _electrocuted_ … and you’re worried about your _goddamn gloves?!”_

“Sorry,” Flug sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “No wonder you reacted so poorly. It wasn't just electrocution- Dr. Marlon mentioned that the collar and cuffs were blessed with some sort of ancient purity ritual- but I'm not really one to believe in that sort of thing."

"Oh you'd better _start_ believing, doctor. My insides feel like someone took a bloody _torch_ to them," Black Hat grumbled through heavy breaths, still muttering foreign curse words under his breath.

"Then it really did work!" Flug exclaimed, beaming beneath the bag. "I wonder if enough of that purity ritual stuff would do any _lasting_ damage..."

Black Hat fell silent and shot him a glare that could only mean that he was plotting his death. Flug swallowed heavily and pretended not to notice.

"S-So, are you, um… are you okay?”

Black Hat’s eye twitched. “Am I _okay?”_

“Yes, that was the question.”

Resigned, Black Hat flopped back against the table. Oddly enough, the cool contrast of the metal against his warmed skin was somewhat relieving. “Flug.”

“Yes?”

“When I escape this prison, I am going to kill you and tap dance on your corpse.”

Flug knew he should've seen that response coming a mile away- it still didn't make him any less terrified. “...I know, sir. But this is not a prison, this is a research lab. I can assure you that you’re only here for scientific purposes. If it makes you feel any better, once we’ve deduced how to kill you, I’m sure the heroes will get right on that before you’re subjected to prison life.”

“...You seem to separate yourself from the heroes,” Black Hat noted. “Why? I thought you were a hero, or in the very least you worked for one?”

“Not relevant,” Flug said quickly, shaking his head. “Now then, if you could just relax. I’m going to remove your hat now.” His fingers brushed the brim of the hat, however just as he moved to pull it up and off of his head, he found that he… couldn’t?

He pulled once more, and then again.

Nothing. It wouldn’t budge.

Black Hat barely held back a laugh. “…Well well, looks like I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve.”

Flug's eyes narrowed sharply. “Did you plan this?”

Black Hat held up his hands defensively, for once attempting to look innocent. “Would I have gotten myself electrocuted if this were a plan? For once, no. This is a genuine surprise- I really did think you were going to solve the mystery of ‘what’s under my hat’. Seriously, a lot of people wonder.”

As dumbfounded as he was, Flug didn’t have the energy to be angry or suspicious of how Black Hat was able to do that- although he would be sure to make a note of it. HQ would _definitely_ need to be alerted. “…Well, thanks a lot. Now I won’t even have a brainwave chart to show them,” he huffed.

Black Hat laughed dismissively. “Oh, don’t get so upset doctor, that thing likely wouldn’t have worked on me anyways. I’m not human.”

“Approximately 75% of the subjects in this lab are not human, do you really think we don’t accommodate for them?”

“75% of your subjects were also human at one point in their lives,” Black Hat reminded him. “Before you pesky little heroes stole them away from home to become your new labrats. I mean, that sounds like something I'd do. Awfully low of you to stoop to my despicable level, isn't it?" 

Flug snorted with laughter. “Oh don’t get all high and mighty, I know you’ve done way worse. Besides, weren’t you human too?”

Black Hat froze.

“I’ve been doing some research, you know,” Flug continued, taking Black Hat's silence as his cue. “And you like to pretend like you’ve _always_ been an eldritch abomination. But you haven’t, have you? I don’t know how exactly, but I’d be willing to bet money that you lived as a human at one point- or perhaps, you just took the body of one.”

“Oh fuck off,” the demon spat. “You don’t know a _goddamn_ thing you pitiful excuse for a scientist!”

“You wouldn’t be getting so defensive if there weren’t at least some truth to it,” Flug reasoned. “You might as well just tell me. You’ve got nothing to lose.”

“Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Flug tried his best not to flinch at the aggressiveness in his tone. “I bet you've been through this before with so many different heroes. It must feel weird to be on the opposite end for once." 

“Oh give me a break, doctor! I knew from the very start that you were no _hero._ The way you looked at me with recognition, there’s no mistaking it. You were a follower of mine before you came to this lab, is that right?”

“Irrelevant,” Flug deflected.

“I think it’s _very_ relevant,” Black Hat argued. “You’re averting the question. Were you or were you not a follower of mine?”

“I don’t owe you an answer!” Flug shouted, grasping desperately at the last bit of control he still had over the situation. “You are just a test subject, so lie down and shut up so I can figure out how to kill you!”

_“Try_ _it_ _then_.” Suddenly Black Hat was _close,_ angling his jaw so his mouth was within inches of Flug’s. “Kill me, doctor. Go on, you seem to be so sure that you can manage it, so do it! Put me down, right here, rid the world of my filth. Go on.” He then grabbed the doctor's hand and placed it on his chest. “Do you feel that? Contrary to popular belief, I _do_ have something that functions as a heart. You could tear it out of me right now and for all you know, I’d die because I _don’t have powers, right?_ So go on, do what you do best. Hypothesize. Test. And don’t you _dare_ disappoint me _or_ your superiors. The world is counting on you, Dr. Flug. For once in your life, don’t be a _fucking disappointment!”_

“That’s _enough!”_

In a blur of a labcoat and wires, the doctor was suddenly pinning Black Hat to the metal table, straddling his waist. Black Hat didn’t fight him. Instead, he merely smirked lazily up at Flug with glazed and hooded eyes, almost as if this whole situation was _arousing_ to him.

“I am _not_ … a disappointment,” Flug told him through heavy breaths. “And _you_ will _not_ treat me like one.”

Black Hat let out a low grunt as Flug settled his weight atop him. “Just now you were thinking about cutting me open, weren’t you? I knew it. You’re not a hero, Dr. Flug. You couldn’t possibly be- you have no powers, after all. So why are you here, I wonder..? Are you undercover, perhaps?”

“Why I’m here is none of your business.”

Black Hat reached up, hand sliding underneath the bag to cup his cheek. “You know, you’d probably be much happier if you just give up trying to be the good guy. There’s no sense in being something you’re not.”

Flug’s cheeks burned as the pads of his cool fingers slid along the skin of his face. This was entirely inappropriate- why wasn’t he stopping this? Then again, _he_ was the one that started it by pinning Black Hat to the table- and moreover, in what might be the most disturbing part of all of this, he found that all he wanted to do was tell Black Hat how utterly wrong he was, about how much being mistaken for a hero made his stomach turn. But he wouldn’t. He had already given Black Hat enough knowledge to use against him- he certainly didn’t need any more. “Shut up. You don’t know anything.”

“Funny, I was just saying that to you a moment ago. Look how the tables have turned now that you’re the one being questioned. Perhaps you and I aren’t so different after all.”

He yanked the demon’s cold hand out from under his bag. “You and I are _nothing_ alike. What I thought about you in the past doesn’t matter. I-I’m not going to let you or anyone else stop me from getting my life back, so I _swear_ I’ll find a way to kill you.”

“That's what this whole mess is all about? Getting your life back?” Black Hat chuckled teasingly. “Well then by all means, Flug…”

He leaned up until he was right next to Flug’s ear.

_“Kill me.”_

* * *

“Oh sweetheart~! Guess who’s finally out of solitary confinement!” Dementia pressed herself against the door, arms spread wide as if she was trying to embrace him.

Disgusted, Black Hat cringed ever so slightly, recoiling from the door. “They should’ve kept you in there longer,” he snapped. “You almost ratted us out to the higher ups by blabbing to Flug. That idiotic scientist is _not_ on our side- not yet. Remember that.”

She met his sharp gaze through the tiny window and cheekily stuck out her tongue. “Sorry. He’s kinda cute you know, in a sad pathetic puppy kind of way. Can we keep him?”

“Are you suggesting we get the doctor _in_ on our little mission?”

Dementia shrugged, idly drawing patterns along the glass with her nails. “Sure! Wasn’t that the plan all along? The more the merrier, right? Unless…” her voice tapered off into a low seductive purr, “you wanted it to be just us?”

His serpentine tongue flicked out to hiss at her. “Absolutely not.”

She merely laughed him off. “We can bring him, and there’s also this big bear in the cell next to mine- he can’t talk but he’s a great listener! Also, get this- he’s _indestructible_. How cool is that?!”

While Dementia prattled on about the bear, Black Hat settled into his own thoughts. Sure, he had intended to manipulate Flug into helping him escape- but Dementia seemed like she was suggesting _more_ than mere manipulation.

“And just _how_ exactly do you expect me to get the doctor to play for our team? After my little encounter with him earlier he seems dead-set on carrying out the wishes of Men Without Hats. Personally, I'm starting to think we should change targets.”

“Encounter?” Dementia rested her chin in both of her hands, batting her lashes. “Do tell.”

“It definitely wasn’t anything _you’re_ thinking of.”

Dementia’s jaw dropped in faux surprise. “I’m offended that you would even think that I’d objectify you by imagining you in various sexual situations!”

“Oh, I’m sure you are.”

Dementia giggled, no doubt taking his response as a flirtation. “Well, what happened anyway, if you didn’t play doctor and patient with the bag nerd?”

Black Hat glared frostily at her. “Very funny. To prevent you from having any masturbation material I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say I pushed him a little too far today.”

She grinned proudly, pointing a thumb at herself. “Bold of you to assume I need masturbation material from you. I’m _very_ imaginative.”

“If by ‘imaginative’ you mean ‘disgusting’, then yes, you are.”

“Oh darling, don't say that! I can’t take it!” she moaned aloud, exaggerating her voice to sound as if she were in the throes of orgasm.

He stuck out his tongue, feeling bile rising in his throat. “Usually I like disgusting, but you’re the type of disgusting that even _I_ can’t appreciate.”

She shot him a flirtatious wink, playing with a lock of her hair. “Thank you. But really, you should think about it,” she said, her tone suddenly sounding uncharacteristically serious. “We could use an inside man, you know? He’s probably closer to Men Without Hats than either of us are.”

“…Which means he knows more than anyone else here. Probably more than I do…”

“Bingo.”

Damn it. He wouldn’t admit it, but she was right. Having someone on the inside, telling him what Dr. Marlon was planning, giving him all the information he had on Men Without Hats… it was a necessity. It was why he was here, after all. His _goal_. 

But manipulating Dr. Flug would, admittedly, be a challenge. Flug was incredibly smart and often saw through his ruses. Of course, he could easily manipulate someone into doing what he wanted with a little bit of hypnosis. However, given his current predicament, he’d have to rely on his natural charisma and charm to win over Dr. Flug. Besides, he could see it in the man’s eyes- he wasn’t like anyone else here. He knew a villain when he saw one and there was no denying who Flug really was.

All he had to do was bring out that side of him.

A dastardly grin spread across his face. There was nothing he loved more than watching a villain reach their full potential, like a baby bird using its wings for the first time.

_I’ll teach you how to fly, Dr. Flug. Higher than you’ve ever been._

“Judging by that smile I’d say operation ‘get Flug-bug on our side’ is a go?”

“Since he already knows that you and I know each other, I suppose you can help. Keep an eye on him- if at any point it looks like he’ll blab to Dr. Marlon or anyone else, you take care of it and alert me immediately. Have I made myself clear?”

“Crystal, sir!” Dementia exclaimed with a salute. “I won’t disappoint you!”

“Your very existence disappoints me.”

“Aww, I love you too, sugar! See you around!”

_“Quit giving me pet names!”_

* * *

Black Hat didn’t need drugs to get high. The high he got from watching the life fade from his victim’s eyes was more than enough for him.

But this came pretty close, admittedly.

_“Doctorrrrrrr,”_ he purred, exaggerating the ‘r’. “What did- what _is_ this?” 

“Oh, all kinds of things, but mostly lidocaine. Although it’s uh- _way_ above the legal limit. You weren’t getting numb enough, so I had to improvise. Frankly, I should probably use a general anesthesia, but… oh well. This shouldn’t take long. If it gets bad or if you annoy me I’ll put you under,” Flug explained as he pulled on his gloves. “I’ve been given permission by Dr. Marlon to go ahead and do a full examination of your internal organs. After all, if we can’t find out the secret to what you are through your past, then we’ll just have to do it the hard way.” Flug ran a hand over his forehead in a soothing gesture. “Now relax, and tell me if you feel any pain. I’ll be happy to give you another shot.”

Even while high as a fucking kite, Black Hat still managed to shoot him a cocky, lopsided grin. “Whatever you say, _doctorrrrrrr.”_

Flug drew in a deep, long breath. He could do this. He’d done it before, under less than legal circumstances.  But he was getting _paid_ to do it this time, and hell, they’d probably be happy if he somehow managed to accidentally kill him.

Without giving himself anymore time to think about it, Flug slowly began making a deep incision along the dotted line he drew with the marker. The skin cut surprisingly easily, almost like a hot knife through butter. After he lifted the scalpel, the skin abruptly split open and Flug brought the lights closer to properly inspect what he saw inside.

“Um… skin is not supposed to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Uh… _pop_ open. Your organs sort of just sprung out like a jack-in-the-box or something.”

“Mmm, what’s wrong?” Black Hat slurred. “Scared?”

Opting to ignore him, he decided to focus his attention on examining him. Just from eyeballing it, everything appeared normal and in place. There wasn’t anything about his internal organs that appeared odd or suggested that he was a supernatural being of darkness. With a frown and a huff of irritation, Flug grabbed the camera to get a closer look on the monitors.

“So, did you find two hearts or something?” Black Hat teased- even as high as he was he _still_ managed to crack jokes.

“Please don’t make _Doctor Who_ references while I’m performing a surgery.”

“Oh, sure, what other references should I make?”

“None, preferably.” And, just because he knew he could get away with it, added “Now please shut up.”

Flug was used to the sight of exposed organs- but that didn’t mean that it was a pretty sight by any means. His hands, slick and stained with the blood of his subject- and the flaps of his skin spread open, almost invitingly. He swallowed down incoming bile and forced himself to continue- it was for science, after all. It was important that he conduct a thorough investigation.

As Flug inspected further, he spread the wound open until his organs were almost completely exposed. He could find nothing that screamed abnormal. They all looked completely and totally human. The only thing that looked off was the color of his blood- rather than the typical red, his blood was a dark emerald color.

“What’s the diagnosis doctor?” Black Hat asked.

Flug could tell he was having far too much fun with the patient role and opted to ignore him. “I’m going to take a tissue sample of your heart and your skin so I can inspect them further. Frankly, I’d love to get into your brain, see what really makes you tick, but I don’t think the higher ups would approve, so consider yourself lucky.” He sighed. “Alright. I suppose I’m done poking around for now.”

“Really?” Black Hat almost sounded disappointed. “That’s it? You’re not going to rearrange my insides just for shits and giggles? I did that to someone once- it was quite fun. I should do it again sometime.”

He watched as Flug, with steady and precise hands, scraped off the tiniest chunk of his heart, barely visible to even his eye and placed it on a tiny Petri dish with a pair of tweezers. He did the same with his arm, only this time he felt it, given that the anesthesia was only administered to his torso area.

“Ow!” he yelped. “Warn me next time!”

“Don’t be a baby,” Flug chastised. “Alright, I’m done. I’m gonna start sewing you up now.”

“Flug, are you trying to seduce me? After all, you can’t just go poking around inside someone and then say _that_ …” Black Hat purred, trailing off suggestively. Flug tried not to blush as he heard his tongue lave over his teeth.

“The flirting is _so_ not going to get me on your side,” Flug gently teased as he began sewing up the long cut down his chest and abdomen.

“Maybe I’m being serious and you just missed your opportunity for the greatest sex you’d probably ever have in your sad little life. What a pity.”

“Mm, yeah, see I don’t think so, although I will admit, that collar _does_ look pretty good on you.”

“Are you doubting my ability to perform, doctor?”

“Not at all, sir,” Flug said reassuringly as he finished stitching up the wound. “Although I should point out that you invited the guy who just cut you open to have sex with you. Scientists don’t typically engage in that sort of thing with their test subjects.”

“Well, you’re not a typical scientist, are you?” Black Hat heaved a disappointed sigh. _“Fiiiiiine,_ you really know how to get a man’s hopes up, don’t you?”

For the sake of his sanity, Flug decided to believe that he was only saying all of this because he was high. Just because he was coming onto him, it didn’t suddenly mean that he was going to drop everything and take his side. It didn’t matter how attractive he might find him. He was going to stand by his goal here.

He placed both Petri dishes on the cart, along with the now used surgical tools. “Alright, I’m going to go analyze these. I’ll be back before lights out to give you another shot of pain medicine, that way you’ll be able to sleep.”

“I don’t sleep.”

“Yes, well, after this you might want to. I’m going to have a few nurses come down and escort you back to your room. Please don’t attack them.”

“Why doctor, I’m offended that you would even think that I’d do such a thing.”

“I’m sure you are.”

Black Hat cackled, but rather than menacing, it almost sounded… kind of cute? No, that wasn’t right, Black Hat wasn’t _cute_. Dopey, maybe? Flug didn’t quite know how to describe it, but it definitely wasn’t the evil laughter he was used to hearing.

“Farewell, my _darling_ doctor.”

Flug was more thankful for the bag covering his blushing face than he had been in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> realistically speaking, black hat shouldn't have been awake for that. but because i'm the author and i wanted to write black hat high out of his mind, he was awake. 
> 
> *narrator voice* is black hat lying about his powers or did his ass really get shocked into next week? will the author ever learn to write surgical procedures? will flug ever admit that he wants to do the diddly-do with black hat? find out in the next exciting chapter!


	5. What You Really Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flug reveals all of his recent findings to Men Without Hats, Black Hat and Flug's relationship starts to take a turn, and Dementia and Flug spend some quality time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dances* chapter five has arrived! 
> 
> thank you to all the wonderful commenters and to the people leaving kudos. i very much appreciate your kindness. tbh i didn't expect this fic to get much attention but omg ;; 
> 
> this chapter features: stripping, mario kart, ranch dressing, and angry sexual tension!
> 
> enjoy!

“As you can see from the slides, I took samples of his skin and his heart tissue and I couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary, other than his skin pigmentation of course, which doesn’t seem to have any cause. Every test I’ve run on him so far has come back normal. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was a perfectly healthy human male- aside from his blood color, of course.”

“What color was his blood?” Amy asked, intrigued.

“Green," Flug said, "dark green. I'm not sure whether the color changes depending on contact with oxygen or not.”

Seemingly rather disheartened, Amy lowered her eyes to the floor. “I see… then, the tests were a failure?”

Flug grinned sheepishly, a nervous sweat beading along the base of his neck. “W-Well, I wouldn’t say _that_ …”

“Actually, I think it was the opposite,” Sandra said. “I think they were a success.”

“R-Really..?”

She nodded. “Yes. The results of these tests prove one thing: Black Hat’s appearance, his abilities, they’re obviously not the result of anything... natural. Natural to Earth, anyway.”

“C-Can you elaborate, Miss Perkins..?” Michael asked, clearly confused.

Flug held up a hand to politely interject. “I-If I may, I think what she means is… Black Hat is not a ‘species’ of anything like you originally thought. His physical appearance, his powers, they weren’t something he was born with. They’re the result of magic- _ancient_ magic. Which confirms our new theory.”

“The theory that Black Hat was once human,” Sandra finished with a sigh. “As we suspected. We won’t have definitive proof until we get something from those documents we managed to steal from his mansion, but this is definitely a huge step forward. I think we can safely assume this going forward.” She turned towards Flug with a small, proud smile. “Thank you for your report, Dr. Flug. You’ve done well so far. Keep this up and you’ll be out of here by the end of the month.”

Flug beamed, eyes sparkling with excitement from behind his tinted goggles. “W-Wow, really?!”

Sandra nodded. “Of course. You’re the most promising scientist we’ve had in a long time. In fact, if you manage to succeed with this, I’ll talk with the higher-ups about offering you a position.”

Ha. If they only knew. If they weren’t a hero organization, Flug might have actually considered something like that. But instead of scoffing he merely forced a strained smile and graciously thanked her for considering him.

“Now then, if you’ll excuse us, we have to get back to HQ to report your findings. Continue your tests to see if you find anything else, and once we have approval from HQ, we’ll talk about… more aggressive ways of getting Black Hat to spill the details about his life as a human.”

Flug swallowed thickly. “W-With all due respect ma’am, are you suggesting torture?”

Sandra froze as she was collecting her things, before turning slowly to meet Flug’s gaze with her icy stare. “Perhaps I am. Why? Would that be a problem?”

Flug put his hands up defensively and shook his head. “N-No, not at all, it’s just… not how I expected a hero’s organization to be, that’s all. It’s nothing, really!”

It was the truth- torture was something typically reserved for villains. Heroes didn't usually resort to such vile tactics. He wondered just what could've pushed them to such extremes.

She seemed to understand what he meant without him explaining it- and from the looks of her angst-ridden expression- understood all too well. “Desperate times call for desperate measures, Dr. Flug. These days we can’t afford to be merciful anymore. It’s a shame, but that’s what it’s come to. If you should blame anyone, it’s the villains for forcing us into these situations. But if you think I’ll have any remorse over torturing Black Hat, then you’re sorely mistaken.”

Flug thought it was sort of ironic, to see the good guys start talking and behaving like the bad ones and then claim it's all in the name of justice. “...Even if he has a human vessel? Or if he himself was human once?”

“You bring up a good point, you know. I’ve been thinking about what I said during our last meeting, and I’ve decided: you were right. We do not have the luxury of fearing for the life of a man who might not even be in him. Even if it means taking the life of an innocent person, we have to think about the greater good, as heroes.” She paused to place a hand on his shoulder. “Do you see? _These_ are the kinds of decisions we have to make. Back in my day heroes never had to think about the fate of the whole world- they could always just... protect innocent people and defeat the villains. Nowadays, there always has to be a sacrifice. I wish that, just once, everybody could live. The heroes could save everyone like they used to without having to make such big decisions.”

“…I wouldn’t wish that burden on anyone, ma’am,” Flug murmured quietly in response.

“But if we find a way to kill Black Hat, things could change!” Michael cheerily said. “I mean, think about it. He’s responsible for several big-name villains. For years he sat back in the shadows and supplied villains with everything they needed. If we take him down, we’ll be taking down thousands of villains with him!”

“Michael’s right! This could be a huge win for the heroes!” Amy added.

Frustrated, Sandra grabbed her purse, slinging the straps over her shoulder as she made her way towards the door. “You’re both naïve. Even if we manage to kill Black Hat, another evil will rise again. It always does. Let me advise you Dr. Flug, that while it is never wise to turn down the path of villainy, I can understand why you’d want to choose that life over being a hero.”

Flug shifted awkwardly on his feet. “Why is that?”

Sandra gave him an uncharacteristically soft, sad smile. “To be free of the burden.”

* * *

“Oh… so your hair’s brown..?”

Flug let out an undignified, girlish yelp as he frantically pulled his bag back down over his face. “Y-You..!”

Dementia giggled, scuttling down the wall before landing on his desk, his notes and office supplies crumpling under her weight. And was she… rattling? “Why do you wear that bag anyway? Do you have a third eye or something? That’d be so cool, let me see!”

Frustrated, Flug dropped the fork he was using for his salad. “No way! It’s private- and none of your business!”

“It is too! You can see my face, why can’t I see yours?” she asked with a pout.

“Because _your_ face is- _ugh_ , nevermind. Why am I even wasting my time arguing with you?”

“My face is what?” Dementia prompted before a shit-eating grin spread across her lips. “Oh, I get it, you were going to say that you think I’m cute, right? Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I only have eyes for one man-“

Flug was _very_ quick to correct her. “That is _so_ not what I was going to say.”

“Then show me!” she insisted, poking at his goggles. “If you’re worried about scaring me, then don’t be. Black Hat scares the shit out of me all the time, so nothing else really scares me anymore.”

“I-It’s not that…” he said weakly. “It’s just… my face is, well… it’s… it’s not, um... pretty…”

“So? I’ve seen lots of not-pretty faces. Look at where we are!”

“It’s different! I’m… I’m…”

“What, a _freak?_ Newsflash geekboy- this whole place is _full_ of freaks. I’m part _lizard_ dude, I hiss when I walk, my eyes don’t match and sometimes I get the urge to _eat bugs_. So if you’re worried about how you look then you shouldn’t be because everyone here is on a whole new level of _freak.”_

Flug blinked slowly. He hadn’t expected to hear something so… _nice_ from her. Feeling oddly touched by her words, he looked up at her and smiled. "Wow, thank you Dementia, I... that was really-" 

“…Or don’t show me, whatever. Keep being a bag-headed loser.”

 _…And **any** fondness I might have had for her just went out the window._ “What are you here for anyway? If you keep insulting me I’ll call security and tell them that you’re out without permission. _Again.”_

She rolled her eyes. “Oh please, if you didn’t tell them before then you aren’t ever gonna rat me out. The only reason I got caught the first time was because they checked the cameras.”

“Maybe you should’ve been a little more careful about threatening me,” Flug advised. “Now can you leave me alone so I can eat my salad?”

Dementia licked her lips, grinning. “Can I have some?”

“Absolutely not, get your own.”

“But I haven’t been allowed to eat what I want since they kidnapped me! It’s been ages since I’ve had an actual decent salad!” she whined. “Please?” She looked up at him, batting her lashes, pouting ever so slightly. “Come on, a cute girl is over here begging you for some food and you can’t even spare her some?”

“The ‘cute’ part is debatable,” Flug grumbled in resignation before pushing his salad over to the corner of his desk. “Here, it’s not like I was gonna finish it with you in the room.”

“Yay!” she shouted victoriously, grabbing the salad and ferociously scarfing it down like she hadn’t eaten in months. “Amd foock you! I mm too cuteth!”

“Dementia, swallow first, and then talk.”

She gulped loudly. “I said, ‘fuck you, I am too cute!’ It’s not my fault you can’t recognize a pretty girl when you see one.”

Flug smirked. “Right, and you just look _so_ appealing with bits of lettuce and ranch dressing all over your face.”

“Rude, I do not have- oh. I do.” She took a moment to wipe her face, even though all it did was transfer the mess from her face to her hand.

Flug sighed and rose to his feet. “Well, you have fun with that. I have to get back to work. My lunch break is almost over.”

“Wait, Flug-bug!” she called after him.

“That’s not my name.”

“But it’s a really cute nickname!”

“It’s horrible.”

“It’s adorable!”

“I’m leaving.”

Dementia was quick to clamber to her feet, grabbing Flug by the arm before he could walk out the door. “I said wait you stupid nerd!”

Annoyed, Flug yanked his arm out of her grasp. “Ugh, _what?!”_

“Do you wanna hang out?”

Flabbergasted, Flug’s eyes widened. “…Come again?”

“If I’m extra super good, they’ll let me have video games in like... six months. Get this: we can play…. _Mario Kart.”_

“…Mario Kart?”

She nodded, stone-faced, as if it were a topic of grave importance. “Mario Kart.”

“Uh-huh… and um… _why_ would I want to play Mario Kart?”

Dementia gasped as if she were offended. “Because it’s fucking awesome? Why else?”

Flug held up a hand. “Yeah, uh, thanks but no thanks, I’m good.”

“Too bad, you’re not allowed to refuse! You sharing your salad with me was a gesture of solidarity and I accept it with open arms!”

“It really wasn’t, I was just trying to get you to leave me alone-" 

His words fell on deaf ears. “See you around, doc! When we play Mario Kart I have dibs on being Bowser!”

Before Flug could protest she was already crawling up the walls and into the air duct. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn’t find it within himself to hate that girl. She got on his nerves, sure, but she had a certain charm about her that he couldn’t help but admire.

“Weirdo.”

* * *

“Good afternoon Black Hat, I’m here to check up on you.”

“Oh, hello doctor.” Black Hat jumped from the bed as if he were excited, like a dog after its master returns home. “I’ve missed you these past couple of days.”

“My apologies, I’ve been busy. If you don’t mind my asking, may I see how your scar is doing? I want to make sure you healed up properly. I don’t want to be responsible for you getting some sort of infection.”

“But of course!” Black Hat was quick to shrug off his jacket and waistcoat before undoing his tie- and Flug noticed that he seemed all too eager to strip for him. Did he have something planned?

He tossed the tie to the ground carelessly before his deft fingers moved down to the first button of his dress shirt. Flug watched it come undone, swallowing heavily as a small patch of skin was revealed. Black Hat caught his gaze, looking up at him with the undeniable intent to seduce as his fingers slowly moved to the next button.

Flug would never admit it, but it was working.

Unlike before, when he'd turned around to give him his privacy, he was shamelessly watching as more and more of Black Hat was revealed. For a quick second, he thought about what else those fingers could do, before banishing his traitorous thoughts back into the hole they crawled out of. 

Finally the shirt came all the way undone.

Flug tried not to stare for too long, he _really_ did. A part of him thought that a shirtless Black Hat would be horrifying- as if that dress shirt and vest concealed a truly monstrous form, but it was completely… average, save for the skin color. His eyes started on that sharp jawline, then down to his smooth neck, to the way his prominent collarbone stuck out and then melded into his broad shoulders. His eyes followed every movement- every breath he took, every flex- intentional or unintentional- of his muscles. Black Hat was not muscular like Dementia often described him as being, nor was he lanky and wiry like him. He was just… normal, although there was no denying the muscle lines in his chest and abdomen.

Black Hat shot him a beckoning look, daring him to step closer. Flug swallowed down his nerves and carefully approached his subject. With trembling fingers he began gingerly pulling the bandages off, mindful of the wound so as not to cause him any pain. He had been expecting to see a recovering wound, but when he peeled the last bandage back, he was shocked to find that there was nothing there. Nothing but smooth, dark gray skin. There was no evidence at all that just a couple days ago he cut into Black Hat like a Thanksgiving turkey. The bandages had small drops of his blood on them, but other than that, nothing.

“U-Um… Black Hat?”

“Yes, Flug?”

“Where is the scar?”

“The scar? I don’t- oh. You mean from your little surgery session. It was there for about twenty minutes after you left. Then it just sort of… went away, I suppose?”

Flug cocked a brow in confusion. “It just… went away?”

“That’s what I said, yes.”

“Impossible. You shouldn’t have been able to heal this quickly.”

Black Hat shrugged. “I don’t know, like I said, I guess I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

Flug’s eyes narrowed into slits. “Don’t play dumb with me. What aren’t you telling me? First it was the hat, and now your wounds are just magically healing after twenty minutes? It seems like the collar and the cuffs aren’t doing a good enough job of suppressing your powers.”

“Nonsense,” Black Hat said dismissively. “It’s just as much of a mystery to me as it is to you.”

“Bullshit,” Flug snapped. “Tell me or I swear I’ll call Dr. Marlon down here _right now.”_

“Oh, Dr. Marlon, hm? I’m downright _terrified_ , look at me; I’m _quaking in my boots!”_ He reared his head back to let out a nasty demonic laugh. “Think about it for a second, if I really had something up my sleeve don’t you think I would’ve put it into action by now? You know I’m not a patient man.”

“You’re unpredictable,” Flug argued, “I don’t know what to expect from you, so for all I know you _do_ have something up your sleeve. You _always_ do.”

“Not this time.” Black Hat appeared surprisingly earnest as he spoke, his taunting grin fading into a frown. “And you know that I would not admit to something like this, even for a lie.”

“Then what are you trying to prove?” Flug challenged. “All this time you’ve been putting on this act like- like you’re not afraid, and then you go and say stuff like this. Are you trying to make me think you’re some poor misunderstood villain? Newsflash- it’s _not_ gonna work. I know villains well and if there’s one thing they always do, it’s lie. And manipulate.” He boldly jabbed a gloved finger against his bare chest. “You’re a _monster_ Black Hat, so if you’ve really got the juice then quit hiding it and show yourself already!”

Silence fell, and Flug began to worry that perhaps he had just sealed his fate. _Again_. Black Hat was going to break free of his restraints and splatter his insides all over this room. Ah, well. He couldn’t say it was a good life but at least… ah, _shit_. He didn’t even have anything memorable to hold onto. The one major accomplishment aside from his multiple degrees was getting his pilot’s license, and as of right now he didn’t even have _that._

Then, Black Hat finally spoke after what felt like an eternity of silence. “You know villains well, Flug. Very well. I think _you’re_ the one keeping secrets from me.”

“I-I’m allowed to keep secrets,” Flug sternly reminded him. “I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“But you _want_ to,” Black Hat pressed. “You want someone to confide in about your frustrations, isn't that right? I think the one who’s really misunderstood here is _you_ , doctor. No one else understands except me, and I think you know why that is.”

“Stop it,” Flug ordered, taking a few cautionary steps back away from Black Hat.

“It’s because you don’t belong here. You certainly don’t _want_ to be here, any idiot could tell that much just by looking at you.” Black Hat snickered quietly to himself as he began to slowly follow Flug as if he were taking a lazy Sunday stroll.

“I said stop it!” Flug shouted, taking a few shaky steps backwards until his back met the wall. He frantically looked in both directions for a way out, but it was far too late already. There was no way he'd make it to the door in time.

Black Hat moved at an inhuman speed, trapping Flug against the wall with both hands. Trembling, Flug could barely keep his eyes open to look at him, his shattering confidence now crushed beneath the weight of his fear. “Let me spell it out for you. It’s because you’re a _villain_ , Flug. It’s what you’ve always been, and you’re walking around hiding your true self among these heroes… both literally and figuratively,” he said, a hand sliding down the wall to play with the ends of his paper bag.

Somewhere deep down, Flug managed to conjure what little bit of confidence he had left. “Y-You don’t know a damn thing,” he snapped.

“Oh, but I do. You see, I’ve been in this business for many, _many_ years. I know a villain when I see one. But you knew that already, didn’t you? Back there, in the lobby, when you looked at me… I knew it then. You’ve been mine from the very beginning. I’d almost call it fate, if I believed in such drivel.”

Flug smacked his hand away, straightening his previously slumped posture against the wall. “D-Don’t treat me like I’m a piece of property. I’m a person, and right now I’m your superior!”

“Are you?” Black Hat challenged. “You know, what still remains a mystery to me is why you continue to insist that you’re a hero when it’s clearly the opposite. You and I both know that. Are you having trouble accepting your villainous motives? If you need a little push in the right direction, I’d be happy to-”

Two gloved hands suddenly splayed out against Black Hat's bare chest, pressing against him with a forceful shove, sending him stumbling backwards. 

“Just stop it!” Flug didn’t sound angry- rather, he seemed… _upset_. “Why do you care so much about me being a villain anyway, what does it matter to _you?!_ Are you really that desperate to get out of here that you’re going to try and ruin my life?! I _know_ I don’t belong here, okay?! I know I’m not a hero- in fact, just knowing that I have to pretend to be one every day makes me sick! But I’m going to get my life back and if it means being something I’m not for a little while then so be it! So quit trying to manipulate me into helping you escape because it’s not going to work!” He reached under the bag and goggles, wiping at the tears of frustration gathering in the corners of his eyes.

_“Crying in front of an eldritch horror. How embarrassing.”_

“Flug-“

“Who am I kidding? Dr. Marlon was right- you really _will_ try anything to get out of here."

Before Black Hat could stop him Flug was already out the door.

* * *

Dr. Marlon didn’t ask to see him much these days. He felt that Flug could handle himself on his own, and thus didn’t bother him a whole lot. Flug admired that about him- he was probably one of the best bosses he’d ever worked for, despite him being a hero. He wasn’t a very hands-on boss, and only intervened if he was needed. Flug found that kind of work environment refreshing.

So when Dr. Marlon asked to see him in his office, needless to say he was rather surprised.

“Sit down, Flug.”

“O-Oh, of course.” Flug did as he was told, seating himself across from his temporary employer. “What is it sir, is something wrong?”

"Some of the other doctors have reported, er- seeing something in the hallways at night, hearing things in the air ducts. I just wanted to know if you have ever seen or heard anything like that." 

Flug immediately knew what he was referring to. "No sir," he said, just a bit too quickly not to sound the tiniest bit suspicious. "Nothing like that." 

Dr. Marlon didn't look like he noticed, but Flug didn't underestimate him by any means. "Hm. That's strange then. We have to be careful here, there have been a few patients who've managed to escape in the past. Can't have any of them roaming around the halls."  

"Of course not, sir." 

"Well, you just let me know if you see or hear anything. Do not hesitate to call security if necessary. Remember Flug, you are safe here." 

"I know sir. Thank you." 

"No, thank _you."_   He stood up from his chair and smiled broadly. "Dr. Flug, listen... you must know that this is not our usual program for villain rehabilitation. You're a special case- and I know that by making you this deal I've been bending the rules a bit. But that's because I have faith in you- and because, honestly, there was no one else here who could've handled the job. You seem like a good kid- and you've gotten this far with Black Hat already. You've made remarkable progress. I can only hope that, even though you didn't go through the program, you'll come out of this a better person with a new perspective on life." 

He then reached out for a handshake. Flug, stunned at hearing such kind words, mindlessly took his hand. Never before had he been lavished with words of praise. He was used to being admonished for his failures, used to his successes being ignored, so to hear something encouraging- even if it was from a hero- was almost overwhelming to the doctor. 

"Thank you sir," he said. "I appreciate that. And I appreciate what you've done for me." 

"On the contrary, I should be appreciating what you've done for me- and for the world. Your research is going to help tons of heroes around the world come together to put a stop to Black Hat once and for all. You should be very proud of yourself." 

"Oh..." Flug sheepishly looked away, unable to ignore the sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Right... yeah..." 

Dr. Marlon walked around the desk and placed an arm around Flug. "How about I buy you a drink? You know, as a thank you for all of your hard work so far."

"O-Oh no, that's really not necessary-" 

"Nonsense! You should loosen up a bit. Come on, I know a great bar downtown." 

Flug was left without room to protest as he was practically dragged out of the office.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip flug. honestly, the things he puts up with to keep his job.
> 
> recent information has led me to believe that perhaps flug's face isn't scarred like i originally thought, but because this is an au, and for continuity reasons, i'm sticking to the headcanon i had before said information was revealed.


	6. My Darling Doctor, What's Happened To You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Flug and Black Hat's relationship takes yet another turn into dangerous territory. Dementia discovers something she shouldn't have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *emits unholy screech* what up guys gals and nb pals, it's ya girl back at it again with more terrible content! 
> 
> this is sort of where the 'M' rating kicks in- so beware for very VERY mild sexual content below! and i mean like. SUPER mild. but i felt i should warn you anyway just in case.
> 
> enjoy!

That was the first, and the last time that Dr. Flugslys would go out for a drink with a hero- or maybe, _ever_ , if his throbbing head was any indication. Aside from being married to his work, there was a reason he tended to stay away from alcohol, that reason being he couldn't _hold_ it very well. 

Even so, it wasn't as if he'd gotten _totally_ smashed- he was responsible enough to know not to do that in the presence of a hero, lest he spill things that Dr. Marlon didn't need to hear. But it didn't take much to affect him, which he guessed was why he was dealing with such a massive headache first thing in the morning. 

It made him wonder if he'd ever be able to drink casually without regretting it the next day. Probably not. 

Dr. Marlon had been kind enough to offer him the day off as a sort of apology, but Flug politely declined and came to work anyway. As much as he would appreciate a day off, he couldn't afford it. He had too much work to do, and not to mention that he didn't trust anyone here to be alone with his notes and materials. He'd just have to work through the pain- nothing he wasn't used to. 

"Are you sure you don't want to go home, Flug?" Dr. Marlon asked again when he came in. "Really, it's no trouble at all if you want to take today and relax. Besides, even though I can't see your face, I can tell you could use the rest." 

Flug wasn't sure whether he should be insulted or not. "U-Um, it's not a problem sir. I can handle it. I brought plenty of ibuprofen with me, so I'll be okay." 

"Alright," Dr. Marlon acquiesced, "if you insist. Just take it easy on yourself today. You don't even have to go see Black Hat today if you don't want to." 

Flug winced at the mention of his name. 

_I wasn't really planning on it._

* * *

For the next few days- or maybe it was weeks, Flug wasn’t really sure at this point- he took it upon himself to distance himself from Black Hat, only visiting him when absolutely necessary. Whenever Black Hat attempted to engage him with something, whether it be with insults or playful flirting, Flug would merely blow him off, despite how badly he might have wished to respond.

It was driving Black Hat mad. The one thing worse than being restrained here, was being restrained  _and_ ignored. Who could possibly ignore him? 

He wouldn't admit it, but a part of him missed the doctor's quips and comments. He may have been a smart-ass, but damn if he wasn't entertaining, in the very least. 

“What’s happened to you, doctor?” Black Hat asked one afternoon as Flug was drawing another sample of his blood for study.

“Nothing’s happened to me,” Flug reassured him. “Now hold still while I do this.”

He let out an annoyed huff, keeping his arm still as Flug drained the last of what was needed to fill the tube. After carefully withdrawing the needle, he wiped away the remaining blood and covered the small wound with a bandage. “There we go. That’s all for today.”

Black Hat's eye briefly flitted down to the bandage. It seemed that, even though Flug was aware that his body was still recovering relatively quickly, he would still carefully treat his wounds as if he were human. It both annoyed and fascinated him at the same time- and that feeling in and of itself was, well...  _annoying._

“What did Dr. Marlon say to you?” Black Hat pried. “I know he said something that must’ve gotten under your skin. Care to share with the class?”

“Right now, the only one getting under my skin is _you_ ,” Flug shot back, aggravated. “I’m _leaving_ now.”

A cold, clawed hand suddenly grabbed his wrist. “What the fuck’s your problem?” he snapped. “What, was Dr. Marlon’s advice to be a standoffish arse?”

Flug roughly yanked his wrist out of Black Hat’s grasp, but otherwise said nothing, remembering Dr. Marlon’s advice. _Don’t give him any satisfaction._

“Now you won’t even speak to me, is that it? Are you so far up Dr. Marlon’s arse that you can’t even make your own decisions? You truly are pathetic-“

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. With barely concealed rage, Flug whirled around on his heels so he was facing Black Hat, his hands balled into fists. “No, the only one here who’s pathetic is _you.”_

“Excuse me?”

“You _heard_ me, you pompous _dick_. These past few days you’ve gone on and on complaining about how I’m ‘different’ and that I don’t talk to you, and yet when I _do_ talk to you, you’re _still_ an asshole. So you wanna know what _I_ think?”

“Go on then, tell me what you think,” Black Hat challenged, leaping off the bed so he was face to face with his contentious doctor. “You’re a scientist after all, so what’s your _hypothesis?”_

“I think you’re just a... a lonely _jerk_ that got too cocky!” Flug jabbed his fingers into his chest as he spoke, his voice dripping with pure venom and malice. “You weren’t careful and now look where you are. There’s no outcome where you survive this and you _know_ that, so you’re taking it all out on me because I’m the one who has to listen.”

“…You’ve got a lot of nerve,” Black Hat finally hissed out after a moment of tense silence, his voice rapidly dropping in pitch by the second. “I’m a lonely  _jerk_ , hm?”

Flug heard the abrupt change in his tone and was slightly put off, but didn’t allow himself to falter. Perhaps it wasn’t the best decision to lay into his test subject like this, but frankly, after the shit Black Hat’s said to him, after all that he's had to put up with, he deserves it. “Yes, you _are_. Wanna know why? Because your whole ‘insult one minute, flirting the next’ gag was just a sad cry for attention in the hopes that maybe, just _maybe_ I’d take pity on you and help you get out of here, right?”

“Watch your **_goddamn_ **tone." Black Hat's voice fell into a two-toned, demonic growl. Specks of crimson and black flashed in his visible eye. “You think I want your pity?  _Don’t you **dare** presume to know me or what I am!_ I’ve lived for _thousands_ of years, I have abilities beyond you or _anyone_ else’s understanding! I’m one of the greatest villains of all time, and you have the _nerve_ to disrespect me?!”

“You _were_ one of the greatest villains of all time," Flug corrected, "and then you got yourself captured.”

Red fury clouded his vision. Bloodlust burned in his veins, his claws twitching with the need to tear into something- preferably flesh. He hadn’t been this riled up in _centuries_. But even as angry as he was, he was still rational enough to see reason, and knew that killing Flug (right now, at least) would only make his situation worse.

And so he did the next best thing.

“Now look at you. Just like I said. A pathetic, lonely- _mmph!”_

Flug's goggles and his bag fell to the floor with a clang, and before he could process it a hot and insistent mouth was on his. Clawed hands violently shoved him against the wall, clamping down around his shoulders to keep him steady. It took him a few seconds to realize what was happening, but once he did, he still couldn’t move. It was almost as if they were stuck like that, with their lips locked together.

It wasn't as if Flug hadn't thought about this. Black Hat was everything like he'd imagined and more, possessive and dominating in every possible aspect. In that moment, Flug had never felt less in control of himself. The thought of that was as terrifying as it was exhilarating. As someone who had always craved control but never had it, finally having a taste of it after all this time was a high he never wanted to come down from. Now here Black Hat was, tearing him down to reality and yet somehow also raising him back up again in ways he'd never experienced. 

When they finally parted, Flug took in several deep gulps of air, recovering from the intensity of what might have been simultaneously the best and worst kiss of his life.

“You need to learn when to shut the fuck up,” Black Hat said through heavy breaths, licking his lips. “All that rambling was fucking annoying.”

“I-I… I don’t understand.” Flug stammered, raising his fingers to his lips. “Why would you do that? W-We were… and then you-"

“Turned it into a cliché rom-com situation? Yes, although it was mostly to keep from turning your insides into ribbons. Now are you going to keep babbling like a fucking idiot? Because I’d like to get back to- _mmph!”_

Two could play at that game. He didn’t know why but right now he wanted him more than anything, this infuriating bastard that had somehow weaseled his way into his life.

“I hate you,” Flug panted out in between harsh kisses, “You don’t just kiss someone when they’re in the middle of talking.”

“You weren’t complaining,” Black Hat murmured lowly in response.

Flug laughed bitterly. “Fair enough,” he said before diving back in.

_No._

_Stop._

_What are you doing?_

His better judgment was screaming at him right now, ordering him to stop, but he couldn’t, not now. He was pissed off and emotional and hey, Black Hat started it and he wasn’t going to let him have the last laugh.

A serpentine tongue slipped into his mouth, while a gloved hand slid up his neck in order to tangle itself in his thick brown hair, clawed fingers dragging their way through messy locks. He couldn’t help but let out a small sigh of contentment. It had been _years_ since he had had contact like this. His last kiss was during a college party. He and the girl had both been drunk as shit and, as a joke, were both shoved into a closet and told to ‘have fun’. Needless to say, Black Hat’s skills definitely outweighed Drunk College Closet Girl’s.

Black Hat’s free hand roamed between the doctor’s legs, claws tracing over his thighs, but when he felt him slowly inching towards his growing erection he snapped himself back into reality, like someone had just dumped a bucket of cold water all over him.

He quickly pushed Black Hat away before he could make contact, stumbling towards the door. After finally coming down from his hormone-induced high, the embarrassment poured over Flug’s face in the form of a deep blush as the realization of what he’d just done began to hit him. “This- we can’t do this. I… I’m sorry, this was wrong. I… I’m going now. Sorry!”

“Doctor, would you just _wait-“_

The door was promptly slammed in his face.

* * *

_What. The. Fuck._

Really, _what the fuck?_

He just made out with _the_ Black Hat. The one and only Black Hat. And he liked it. No, _more_ than liked it, if his er- _reaction_ was anything to go by.

_Relax. Breathe._

If he hadn’t gone over the line before then he certainly had now. This was _beyond_ inappropriate. Having sexual feelings towards a monster that had enslaved entire civilizations was bad enough, but on top of that, he was also his _test subject,_ his ‘labrat’ as Black Hat himself so eloquently put it. He was a little on the sadistic side, sure, but- not like _that!_

_Right?_

He had never experienced anything like this in the past- but then again, he’d never had a subject like Black Hat either. He didn’t treat him like a he was an evil doctor holding him captive. He treated him like- like a _person_ \- despite the insults and the flirting, of course. And it was surprisingly refreshing. Black Hat may only see worth in him because he thinks he’s a villain, but Flug couldn’t find it within himself to be bothered. At the end of the day, he was right.

He buried his face in his hands, groaning with frustration. Was he really letting one kiss change his feelings? Was he _that_ manipulated by his touch-starvation? Maybe his lack of physical contact throughout his life was why he gravitated towards the side of evil in the first place. He wouldn’t be surprised.

Regardless, whatever had happened in there was entirely physical. Flug had never been good at discerning intimate touch from romance, which was why he always stayed away from any sort of one night stands- well, that and because he was never propositioned, considering that he hid his face. He always feared that when he woke up in bed alone the next morning he’d be disappointed- and honestly, he didn’t need the stress. Sex altogether was something he didn’t think much about to begin with- he was always too busy, and with the scars on his face he imagined that if anyone did dare to offer, they’d be repulsed once they saw what was beneath the bag.

Alright, so he was a _little_ inexperienced.

Not that it mattered anyway, right? Because that was the first and last time anything like that would happen between them. Black Hat was only out for himself. It would do him good to remember that.

Besides, a relationship between the two of them, even a relationship based purely on sex, was doomed to end in misery and failure, if such a thing were even possible. Black Hat was on death row.

Oddly enough, he felt a pang of… _something_ burn in his chest when he thought about Black Hat’s impending death.

* * *

“You seem angrier than usual today, darling,” Dementia said as she doodled in her sketchbook. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No. Please go away.”

Dementia’s head abruptly snapped up. “Something _is_ wrong! You _never_ say please!”

He was somewhat surprised that she was smart enough to pick up on that, but if anything it only proved that she was just as much of a stalker as he thought she was. “It’s none of your business.”

“Come on, you can tell me! We’re friends!”

“If it weren’t for the door I probably would’ve killed you by now.”

“See? Best friends!”

_“Ugh.”_

“Pretty please?” she begged, batting her lashes. “What’s the matter? Are you lonely? Bored, maybe? Oh, wait, let me guess- you got into a fight with Flug-bug, didn’t you?”

Black Hat’s facial expression shifted ever so slightly at the mention of the doctor's nickname. Now, Dementia didn’t pay attention to much, but if there was one thing she _did_ pay attention to, it was Black Hat. Unfortunately.

“Your face changed just now! It’s true, something _did_ happen with Flug! What did he do? Did he say something mean to you?! I’ll beat him up if you want me to!”

In his head, he damned the lizard girl to the deepest pits of Hell for being so damn attentive. “Fuck off, I don’t need you to do anything.”

“Testy…” she muttered under her breath. “Don’t be like that. I can tell that Flug said something that got to you- you smell different. That’s one of my abilities- I can sense sadness, anger, and in some cases- _arousal,”_ she purred, suggestively waggling her eyebrows.

Disgusted, Black Hat rolled his eye. "Sorry to disappoint you, but it’s none of the things you just listed. It’s my new cologne,” he lied.

She giggled. “Nice try, but I already know what your new cologne smells like." 

_"What?"_

"Ha, yeah. So what did he say?” 

Black Hat narrowed his eye at her, noting that she had dodged the question. He decided, for his own sanity, not to question her further on the subject. “Nothing, he’s just… annoying. And a coward. And an idiot.”

“Yeah, and?”

 _“And,_ he’s hardly someone we should consider for this mission! Like hell I’d want someone like Dr. Flug on my side!”

“Aww, why not? I like him! He’s fun to tease.”

Not that he would admit it, but she was right about that. It _was_  sort of fun seeing Flug’s reactions to his teasing. But that wasn’t about to influence his decision! “He’s a cowardly, moronic, weak-minded, incompetent, annoying, pathetic excuse for a scientist! How anyone in their right mind could hire him is _beyond_ me! He’s not fit to be a hero _or_ a villain!”

Bored, Dementia slumped against her seat. “He sounds lame."

"Indeed." 

“So are you really sure you wanna give up on him?”

Black Hat huffed, leaning back against the door. “Well, considering that my days are probably numbered, I sort of _have_ to get him on my side, unless… is there any chance one of _your_ scientists will climb on board?”

She shook her head. “Not a chance. They all hate me and honestly, I think they’re hoping I die from experimentation one of these days.”

“Understandable.”

Dementia pouted. “Aww come on, don’t be like that honey!”

He was already uncomfortable enough with Dementia’s constant flirting, but having her pry into _very_ personal territory was too much even for him. A change of topic was in order. “What have you found from spying on him?”

“Not much, although there was _one_ thing that lady mentioned…” She tapped her finger against her chin, as if in deep thought.

“What lady? Was it one of Flug’s superiors?” he inquired.

She shrugged. “I guess so? She said something about their theory being confirmed and that now they’re going to try new ways of getting you to talk… whatever that means.”

 _Interesting._ “Did you happen to hear what the theory was?”

“No, I got there too late to hear all of it. Doctors were holding me up.” Her brows knitted together as a look of concern swept across her face. “But I’m worried for you! What if they try to torture you? Do you- do you still have your powers? Did all that purity junk they did to the cuffs and collar like... _work?"_

 "...I'll be fine," Black Hat said after a moment's hesitation. He couldn't tell Dementia- not right now. Not when people could be listening. "Just keep an eye on things and keep me updated on your findings. In the mean time, I'll have to try a _different_ approach to get Dr. Flug to succumb to me." 

"I'd _succumb_ to you any day of the week. Or night. Wherever you want. In whatever position you want-" 

"Leave my presence." 

* * *

“What… are these?”

“Torture devices,” Sandra answered bluntly. “Well- we only want you to resort to these if you absolutely have to, but seeing how it is Black Hat, I think this will be unavoidable.” She then promptly zipped up the bag and handed it to Flug.

Dr. Marlon shot her a disapproving glare- Sandra had always preferred the more violent methods, whereas Dr. Marlon was ever the pacifist. “Primarily, I want you to use this.” He handed Flug a vile of bright pink liquid. “I made it based off of the samples you brought in. It's not strong enough to kill him or cause him any lasting damage, but it'll cause him quite a lot of pain." 

With shaking, hesitant fingers, Flug reached out and took the vial, slipping it into his pocket. “Thank you sir.”

Sandra made her way to the door. “If there’s any possible way you can get through to his human side, do it. Write down anything and everything- even if you don’t think it’s relevant, write it down anyway. I wish you the best of luck.”

“Flug,” Dr. Marlon placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “If you don’t want to do this, I understand. This is… _not_ typically what we require in our villain rehabilitation program. I can step in if this is too much for you.”

“N-No, I can handle it,” Flug reassured him. “After all, it’s my job to figure out how to kill him. And right now we’re closer than we’ve ever been to finding answers. I’m not sure if torture will get him to talk, but right now it’s our best option, so… I’ll try not to disappoint you.” Flug nodded at both he and Sandra before quickly scurrying out of the room, clutching the bag tight against his side.

He made his way to his room to mentally prepare himself for this when he was suddenly stopped by Dementia landing in front of him- and she didn’t look happy to see him, as opposed to her usual happy-go-lucky attitude.

“Dementia? You shouldn’t be here. The cameras will see you.”

“I don’t care.” She pressed a finger against his chest. “Listen brainiac, I don’t know what went down between you and Black Hat, but whatever it was seriously upset him. He wasn’t acting like himself at all! So you’d better be going to apologize!”

Black Hat? _Upset?_ How could Dementia say that? Why should he have to apologize when this whole time Black Hat just thought he could use him like some sort of pawn to assist in his escape? He wasn’t stupid and he wouldn’t be treated as such.

However, it seemed that when he went to tell her just that, he neglected to leave out _one_ crucial detail.

“Why should I apologize? _He_ was the one who kissed _me!”_

Oh no.

Oh _fuck._

“HE DID _WHAT?!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohoho~
> 
> *narrator voice* Will Dr. Flug survive Dementia's wrath? What is Black Hat really hiding- powers or weakness? Will Flug go through with the torture? Find out in the next exciting chapter!


	7. Meant to be Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flug somehow manages to keep Dementia from eviscerating him. Black Hat reveals a not-so-shocking-but-sort-of-shocking truth to Flug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's got some fun stuff so hopefully you enjoy!

Kenning Flugslys was royally fucked. And unfortunately for him, not in the sexy way.

“W-Wait, Dementia, calm down, you need to let me explain-“

He expected her to lay into him right here in the hallway, even at the risk of being exposed. Dementia didn't seem like the type to hold back, especially not when angered. But instead she merely cursed to herself and dragged Flug by the collar of his labcoat to the nearest room- which, thankfully, happened to be his office.

She carelessly threw him onto his office chair like a sack of potatoes, slamming the door shut behind her. With a huff of irritation she leaned against the door and folded her arms across her chest, effectively preventing any chance he might have had of escaping her wrath. “Talk. Now.”

For the sake of his survival, Flug started talking. “I-It’s not what you think it is! We were arguing one minute, and then he kissed me out of the blue! I asked why he did it and he said it was because I was annoying him and then I-“ He then slapped a hand over his mouth to silence himself.

“And then you what?”

“It’s not important-“

Dementia was suddenly directly in front of his face, her long nails threatening to tear into his jugular if he didn’t continue.

Flug swallowed slowly, eyes trained on her near dagger-length nails. “I might have… kissed him back… but it’s not like that! Nothing like what you’re thinking! We’re not like- in _love_ or anything like that! It was just a spur of the moment reaction and I promise it’ll never happen again!”

“Why'd you kiss him back?" she asked, eyes sharp and dangerous, eyeing him much like a lion would eye up its prey.

Flug’s cheeks heated. “I… I don’t know? It doesn’t matter what I feel anyway, I-I have a job to do and he’s…”

Dementia released a heavy sigh, flopping down onto the ground as if she had been defeated. “Ugh, if we weren't stuck in this shit-hole I would've kicked your ass into next week. I can’t believe I’ve known Black Hat all this time and _you_ got to kiss him before I did! The fuck kinda shit is that?!”

Flug had a feeling that she knew full well that she still had the upper hand. She hadn't been defeated- she was giving in. “…I mean, if it makes you feel any better, he initiated it.”

“It doesn’t," she grumbled coldly.

“…Fair enough.” He plopped down onto the floor across from her. “Dementia, look, I… I can’t believe I’m even saying this, but please don’t see me as a, um... a _threat_. Not that I really think Black Hat would ever entertain a relationship with anyone, but I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to take him from you or something.”

Flug could see the faintest hint of a smile on her face before it grew into a shit-eating grin. “You? Please, you’re not worthy of being called my competition.”

“Right…” he drawled, trying his best not to let sarcasm drip into his tone. “Can we just- forget about it? Please? It’s not something I want to happen again…" _I think. Maybe._

“But I wasn’t lying about what I said,” Dementia pressed. “Darling wasn’t acting like himself. What else happened, aside from the… you know… thing...”

Flug rested his cheek against his hand. He could feel the paper bag crinkling beneath the pressure but right now he didn’t have the energy to care. “Well, like I said, there was some arguing, and maybe I said a few things, but it’s not like I offended him or anything.”

Dementia hummed as if she were trying to solve a particularly difficult math problem. “Then I wonder what was really on his mind..? He’s so mysterious, isn’t he?”

If this were a cartoon, a light bulb would’ve appeared above Flug’s head as an idea struck him. “Hey, Dementia?”

“Yes Flug-bug?”

“You know Black Hat pretty well, don’t you?”

 _“Know him?”_ Dementia jumped to her feet, smirking proudly. “I know everything there _is to know_ about Black Hat.”

He couldn't believe that he hadn't thought to ask her about this earlier. “Uh huh… well, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about his past, would you?”  

She abruptly froze up, her eye twitching as if she had a glitch. “Of course not! His past is tippity-top secret!”

“But I thought you said you knew everything there is to know about him,” Flug protested, a slight unintentional whine in his voice.

“Everything that he chooses to let the public know. I may be his number one fan and his future wife but even _I_ know that he wouldn’t tell me anything about his past.”

Dejected, Flug rested his chin in his hands. “Well, that’s just great…”

Pouting, Dementia sat down again, scooting closer to him with concern. “What’s the matter?”

“Oh, it’s nothing really, HQ just wants me to- _hey!”_ Flug suddenly staggered to his feet, pointing an accusatory finger at her. “Why am I telling _you_ this- you’re basically _working_ for Black Hat!”

“Uh, I don’t know… cause I’m easy to talk to?” she suggested, smiling sheepishly.

As much as Flug didn’t want to admit it, she was sort of right. “Is there any reason why he keeps his past so hush-hush? I mean, is he really that much of a private guy?”

Another careless shrug. “I don’t know and I don’t really care. Why are you so obsessed with finding out about his past anyway? What matters is the present. Unless- _no way_. Your bosses told you to find out stuff about Black Hat’s past, didn’t they?!”

Ah, fuck.

Well, it was going to come out at some point or another. “Dem-“

“Don’t ‘Dem’ me! You wouldn't be doing this if you knew what happened to the last people who tried to dig up Black Hat's secrets," she said ominously.

She didn't have to come out and say it, but Flug knew a thinly-veiled threat when he heard one. “He uh… killed them?”

“Yes! Well- he killed some and then _I_ killed some and it was _really_ cool-“ She suddenly paused, attempting to discreetly clear her throat. “Anyway, I didn’t see much the night it happened, but it was _really_ scary. Like, even for me. All I know is… Black Hat has a secret he’s desperate to protect. And if you try to find out what it is…”

In her own strange, weird way, while also threatening him, she _was_ trying to look out for him- even if she _was_ eternally loyal to Black Hat. Flug guessed that she was trying to play both sides in order to get Flug to join their team eventually. Smart. No wonder the heroes wanted to use her.

“Thank you for your concern Dementia. And for... not murdering me over this. But I’ll be fine. Black Hat can’t hurt me… too badly, anyhow. I… I should go talk to him, before I do this.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

She didn’t say anything further, but she didn’t have to- he knew what she was getting at. If he walked in today attempting to make nice, then turned around and initiated a torture session, Black Hat would be beyond pissed. But Black Hat was no mere mortal either, and Flug had a deep, unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach that his little torture devices weren’t going to work on him. He wasn’t human, after all. Truthfully, Flug didn’t know if he was going to get anything out of this. But he hadn’t lied to Black Hat about anything during his stay here. He made his intentions clear from the get-go. His mission was to kill Black Hat. And Flug’s future was contingent on his success.

He couldn’t fail. He couldn’t. He _couldn’t_ …

* * *

He knew what he was doing.

Black Hat had a plan in place and he knew he was going to get out of this unscathed.

Frankly, he was starting to wonder why he was wasting so much time on Flug. Because he was the easiest target? Sure, but there were plenty of other candidates here that would be more than happy to sign themselves up for an eternity of working for him. He was delightful to work for. Anyone who said otherwise was simply a coward and not worth his time.

He hadn’t kissed a human in decades. Whenever he had the time (and the need- which didn't happen often) for a quick fuck he usually sought out someone who wasn’t human and could keep up with his stamina. He had meant it when he said he found humans repulsive in every way. Their weak bodies (whoever couldn’t shapeshift at will was honestly just pathetic), and their silly little emotional attachments. Disgusting.

Surely he could’ve come up with something else to silence the rambling doctor. Why was that the first thing that came to mind? It wasn't as if he was starving for contact- _ugh_. Flug’s pathetic lack of sexual prowess must have been rubbing off on him. He was Black Hat, and he slaughtered entire civilizations and looked damn good while he did it. Men and women alike, humans and non-humans alike, all fantasized about bedding him. He was a goddamn treasure. A “snack”, as Dementia called him (actually, come to think of it, he still wasn’t certain if he was using that term right. He only really half listens whenever Dementia speaks). Flug should be fucking _grateful_ that he got a kiss from him.

But that was just it. _He_ initiated it, and he’d be lying if he said he disliked it. He lied a lot, though- but never to himself. 

He could _maybe possibly_ learn to deal with being attracted to Flug physically- it was rare but his humanoid body _did_ have needs- but in any other way was absolutely out of the question. And he would think no more about it.

One thing he _would_ acknowledge was the fact that Dr. Flug had now made himself essential to his escape- and possibly more. As much as he hated to admit it, he had potential. Enough potential for Black Hat to want to take the young man under his wing.

And Black Hat _always_ got what he wanted.

* * *

Flug got the strangest feeling that he was visiting an ex. He wasn't, though- Black Hat barely qualified as his test subject these days, let alone an ex-lover.

Walking into Black Hat’s room was hard enough, seeing as how the last time they’d “talked”, Black Hat was a few seconds away from tearing his clothes off and having his wicked way with him (not that Flug would’ve minded, of course). But considering what he was going to say, he felt like it only made the situation ten times more uncomfortable than it already was.

He was not a man of religion by any stretch of the imagination, but right about now Flug was praying to every deity from every religion he knew of.

Black Hat greeted him immediately when he entered, wearing the same seductive grin he wore the last time they saw each other. “Hello doctor, I didn’t think you’d be coming back. What a _pleasant_ surprise.”

Flug noticed the way he strained over the word ‘pleasant’. “I know you aren’t happy to see me, but I’ve been thinking, and I just… I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Black Hat’s visible eye narrowed, the oddly welcoming grin dropping from his face. “Save your apologies. I don’t need them.”

“But I want to give one, sir. I… It was wrong of me to… to kiss you like that. It’s not fair to you.”

“I think you’re forgetting who started our little… er, _session_ together,” Black Hat reminded him. “That’s hardly something to apologize for anyway. I quite enjoyed that, actually. It’s been years since I’ve found any human quite as appealing as you, Flugslys. You should feel honored.”

Flug was thankful that the bag was covering his blushing face. “O-Oh, thank you, I-“

Wait.

 _Wait_.

“I never told you my full name,” Flug said shakily, “how did you find that out?”

“Oh, I know everything about you now, doctor,” Black Hat’s tongue laved over his teeth- the _grin_ that Flug both adored and hated creeping up his devilishly handsome face. “Dr. Kenning Flugslys, age 25. You were a pilot until you had your license revoked- oh, _and_ there’s also your many counts of identity theft- _and_ a couple of attempted murder charges! I’ll bet that Flugslys isn’t even your real name, is it?”

Icy dread grabbed hold of his chest in a vice-like grip. “H-How did you-“

“You trust _very, very_ easily, doctor. So naïve. All this time you were so dead-set on refusing to trust me that you didn’t even once think to question why Dementia visited you so many times. Hey- do me a favor and check your pockets. I’d be willing to bet that the key to your office isn’t in them.”

Flug frantically began patting himself down, searching in his jean pockets and his coat pockets. The bastard was right- his key was missing and she’d swiped it from right under his nose!

He couldn’t help but feel betrayed. “I-I can’t believe she…”

There it was again- that throaty laugh that Flug despised. “Oh, don’t get too upset doctor, she really did seem to like you if that’s any consolation.” He approached the doctor calmly, before slipping his hand under the bag to cup his cheek. “You look so disappointed. It doesn’t have to be over just because I’ve discovered your secrets. In fact, I think it’s just the beginning. I haven’t even gotten to the good part yet. You see, I knew you were obviously in the wrong place, but this whole time I thought that for some unknown reason you were _pretending_ to be a hero. And as it turns out, that’s only _half_ true. You’re part of the villain’s rehabilitation program- but they’ve given you the special task of killing me because you were part of my fanclub. Is that right? I did skim over the details a bit but that seems like the basic gist, hm?”

“Y-Yes,” he choked out, frozen beneath the villain’s touch. “That’s right.”

“Oh now Flug, this is just too easy. I have a potential villain right here in front of me… and I’m supposed to let him just _kill me?_ You know I can’t have that.”

“If that’s how you feel then you shouldn’t have gotten yourself captured in the first place,” Flug replied sharply as he grabbed Black Hat’s hand and pulled it off of his face.

“About that… let me clue you in on a little secret, although a part of me thinks you might have had a hunch…” He leaned down so he was right next to the doctor’s ear. “I wasn't so much  _captured_ as I was... _willingly detained."_

Flug tried his best to keep from shivering at Black Hat's close proximity. Black Hat had always been surprisingly good about personal space- that is, until recently. And the most alarming part of all of this, was that Flug was finding that he didn't mind. "Willingly detained? Why?" 

"For two reasons- number one, I needed to know what they knew about me. Recently I've been experiencing some... _security breaches_  and that's just no good _._ And number two- this was also sort of a… _social experiment._ To see how well I handle these situations. I’ll admit, you gave me quite the challenge. At times you even had me considering my future. But I know a villain when I see one. And I knew you’d never really kill me, despite your threats. I could see it in your eyes from day one. You were always meant to be mine.”

Flug now felt like the biggest idiot in the universe. If he had said something about the restraints a bit earlier, perhaps this could’ve been avoided, but now here Black Hat was confirming a theory he’s had this whole time. “B-But the restraints… are they restraining your powers at all?”

Black Hat tipped his hat at Flug. “Now that's the million dollar question." 

Flug, however, didn't seem to be as amused as he was. "Answer me. I'm tired of the games. I'm tired of you dodging questions all the time. For once, give me a straight answer. It's a simple yes or no." 

 _"Fine."_ Black Hat huffed. With a sigh, he placed his hands behind his back. "Hit me." 

"I- uh, pardon?" 

Black Hat made an urging gesture. "Go on. Hit me. Hard as you can. Right in the face." 

"Um..." 

"Come on, I know you want to do it." 

Well, that wasn't _completely_ untrue. "S-Sir, you can't be serious." 

"You wanted an answer. The only way you're getting one is if you _nut up and hit me!_ I'm certain that you won't just take my word, so here! Feel free to get your proof." 

Still uncertain, Flug couldn't help but sigh. "This is ridiculous, sir, there's really no need for this-" 

"What's the matter Flug? Are you afraid that I'll break free and feast on your insides? A very valid fear, I'll give you that, but how cowardly for a villain!" 

"I know what you're doing, sir, and it's not going to work-" 

Black Hat pressed on. "First you were too much of a disappointment for your parents to love you and now you're going to disappoint _me_ too? I really had hoped you'd be better than that-" 

At the mention of his parents, what had been just a small flicker began growing into a roaring, all-consuming flame. Flug wasn't sure what had taken hold of him in that moment, but whatever it was urged him enough to rear his fist back and send it flying into Black Hat's jaw. 

Flug regretted it as soon as he made contact.

Black Hat stumbled backwards, clutching his injured cheek. _"Son of a **bitch!"**_

Once Flug took a few calming breaths, he slowly began to realize what he'd done and instantly began to tremble- with fear, with remorse, with something else he couldn't name. "O-Oh no..." 

Black Hat made a low rumbling sound deep in his throat. "No no, it's _good,"_ he said in a dark yet oddly reassuring voice. "What a _good boy_ you are, Flug..." 

"I-I'm so sorry sir, I'm _so so_ sorry, oh my God, I don't know why I did that I really didn't mean it-" 

"Of _course_ you meant it," he sputtered. "You're only apologizing because you're afraid. But that's fine. You _should_ be afraid..." 

Flug couldn't come up with a rebuttal. "I-I..." 

Black Hat finally lifted his head, and that was when Flug saw the full damage of what he'd done. 

Thick green blood poured out of the corner of his mouth, staining his teeth and dripping down his chin and neck. His cheek was swollen where he'd been struck. But what Flug was drawn to the most was the now cracked monocle concealing his eye- or lack thereof. 

"Your monocle. I broke it, I... I'm so sorry-" 

"Watch carefully Flug," he said, "here's your answer." 

Flug did. He didn't let his eyes leave him. He watched, watched as Black Hat's monocle slowly began pulling itself back together. The deep cracks split up the middle were sealing themselves up, and within seconds his monocle was repaired, looking as pristine as it always did. 

The swelling in his cheek went down as well. He watched with a bit of disgust as Black Hat spat blood onto the floor, wiping at his mouth.

"You..." Flug was shaking, eyes nearly watering. "You went through all of that just to prove to me that you still had your powers? Mentioned my parents because you knew it would upset me..?" 

"You wouldn't have hit me otherwise," Black Hat said. "Besides, it wasn't as if I could just _tell_ you. You'd never believe me. I had to prove it to you somehow." 

"Maybe I would have," Flug argued. "I... I didn't _want_ to hit you... I..." He let out a long, uneven breath. "No. That's not an excuse. This isn't your fault- it's mine. I knew you were just trying to get me going and I let you do it..." 

Black Hat straightened his coat. "Worked mighty well, too. Wouldn't you agree?" 

"But you could've done anything else," Flug pointed out. "You could've transformed into some sort of hideous monster right in front of me and that would've been all the proof I needed. But instead, you had me hit you. Why?" 

"So now I'm a hideous monster?" Black Hat fired back, his eye narrowing into a slit.

"Oh, you know what I mean. Don't pretend to be offended." 

If he didn't know any better, judging solely by Black Hat's expression, he'd almost think that he _wasn't_ pretending.

"You haven't seen a _monster_ yet, doctor. If I wanted to traumatize you, then believe me, I have  _ways_ of making that happen. _Plenty_ of ways." 

"But you didn't. You didn't use fear. You spent all that time trying to get me on your side so you could escape- and for _what_ , if you really didn’t need me? Why did Dementia say you sounded upset?"

“Part of the social experiment."

"Can you _please_ stop with the social experiment thing?" 

Black Hat huffed. "Like I said, you are a villain Flug. I’ve known it from the start. It’s my job to set new villains onto the world, to watch them wreak havoc and make the world a terrible place. Besides, you had a connection to HQ that no one else here had. You were _exactly_ what I needed. Granted, you were… a _challenge_ , and extremely frustrating at times. _That_ was real. But in the end, it was worth it. I think I got what I came here for.”

The pieces were all finally starting to fall into place. He _knew._ He knew he had followers at this lab; he just had to pick out which ones. And lo and behold, his doctor just so happened to be one of them. And Flug had unknowingly led him straight to what he wanted.

This was all just fun for him. A stupid game, while Flug had been agonizing over this ever since his first day. Black Hat had played him- lied to him this whole time about _everything_.

“And now, thanks to your cooperation and a little assistance from Dementia, I know exactly what Men Without Hats knows about me. I also know what’s in your little goodie bag there.” He nodded down at the bag that Flug had dropped next to the door when he walked in. “You intend to torture information out of me, do you not?”

“I-I…” Every time he tried to speak the words just got stuck in his throat. “S-So you…”

Black Hat’s brows lifted as a clearly feigned soft smile spread across his face. “Aww, what’s the matter doctor, where’s that confidence you showed me? Just because I’ve figured out your plans, it doesn’t mean things have to be so different between us, you know? Let’s not pretend we’re strangers to each other, after all… I’d say we’ve gotten to know each other quite well.” His voice tapered off into a low purr as he reached under the bag to twirl a lock of Flug’s hair around his finger. “And now, the final piece to my plan is _you,_ my dear doctor.”

“Y-You won’t get away with this,” Flug protested weakly. “I’ll tell HQ about this- you’re not escaping here!”

“I don’t think you’re going to tell them anything.”

“A-And why’s that..?”

Black Hat took a step back from Flug, neatly placing his arms behind his back, assuming his typical businessman posture. “Because I'm not done with you quite yet. Your services are still required. And, well... surely you won't want to miss the offer I'm about to make you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the truth comes out!
> 
> is anyone really surprised? flug certainly is.


	8. The Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat makes Dr. Flug an offer that could change both of their futures- for better or worse. But Black Hat's not the only one making offers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there lovelies, i'm back at it again with more absolutely disgusting content. 
> 
> enjoy!

"What... what kind of offer?" 

Black Hat's smile was dangerously charming- Flug couldn't imagine how many countless fools before him had seen this very same smile. 

"Why, an offer that you can't refuse, of course," was his cryptic response.

“An offer that I can’t refuse..?”

Black Hat nodded. “Yes. Because if you refuse, well... it probably won't be good for you. But it’s a very decent offer, that I can assure you. No, _more_ than decent. It's a spectacular offer.” He cleared his throat. “Now that my secret’s out in the open as well, I don’t have much to hide anymore. So I’d like to make you a proposition.”

The realization that even while restrained Black Hat probably could’ve killed him any time he wanted, but didn’t, was something that he was still having trouble processing. “W-Wait… before, about your hat… why did you get so defensive about me taking it off if you knew it wouldn’t come off? Did the collar and cuffs… even hurt you?”

“Oh no, not particularly. I'm talented in many fields- including acting." Black Hat's eye suddenly narrowed. "You don't look impressed. Did I overdo it?”

Flug lowered his head. “…It fooled me. And I’m a genius.”

Black Hat smirked and smoothed out his tie, but didn’t say anything further. He didn’t have to- that smug look on his face said everything.

“…Alright,” Flug acquiesced after a deep breath, “let’s hear it, then.”

“I’ll keep it short: Help Dementia and I escape this lab, and provide me with any information I desire, and then you can come work for me. I’m sure you know about Black Hat Organization, right? I’m sure you also know that I’m a very rich man, and I could give you whatever you wanted if you agreed to come work for me. I’m in need of a new scientist- a more competent one. So, what do you say?”

The Flug from say, six months ago, would’ve been floored at receiving such an opportunity, and he couldn’t deny that a tiny part of himself was fangirling a little bit. But this was still Black Hat, and he had enough of his common sense left to know how to play his cards right. “Anyone with money and power can offer me whatever I want.”

“Oh you smart, _naïve_ boy. I can get you _way_ more than just your pilot’s license. Your file says you love to invent, right? Invent some products for me to put in a catalog and you’ll have access to a lab beyond your wildest imagination- and unlimited funding for whatever little experiments you want to run, of course. I’ll even throw in a plane, if you’d like.”

Flug's jaw dropped. “A-A _plane?!”_

“I'm merely making suggestions- like I said, whatever your little human heart desires."

Flug still appeared uncertain- even with that bag of his, Black Hat had gotten quite good at reading him. 

"Think about it Flug, do you really want to spend the rest of your days on the run, hiding who you really are? If you work for me you won’t have to hide yourself anymore. In fact- I want you to accept that side of yourself with open arms, and I can help you do just that and more.”

Flug couldn’t focus. A ton of new,  _game-changing_ variables were being thrown into the equation all at once and they were spinning around rapidly in his head, driving him mad. Did Black Hat really want him that badly? Or once he escaped would he just toss him aside?

“How can I know that you’re serious about this?”

“Are you doubting me?”                          

“Can you _blame_ me?”

Black Hat frowned ever so slightly, as if he were offended. “Fair enough. How about this? To prove I’m serious, I’ll answer any questions you have about me.” He held up a finger to silence Flug before he could interject. _“After_ we escape. Deal?”

Flug shook his head. “N-No. Not good enough. I know how valuable information about you can be, and I want at least some beforehand if I’m going to take this deal and end up getting screwed over. Answer one question about your past now, and I’ll take the deal.”

Intrigued, Black Hat hummed thoughtfully, shooting Flug a smirk. "Just one question, then?”

Flug nodded, ignoring the way his chest fluttered in response to the look. “Just one,” he promised.

Black Hat turned around, walking back to the bed and seating himself on it, folding his hands neatly on his lap. “Very well. You may ask me one question, and I’ll answer truthfully. Choose your question wisely, doctor.”

He had to play it smart- and Black Hat knew that. That meant that Black Hat more than likely expected him to pick a question he wouldn’t want to answer.

_Come on, Flug, don’t over-think it. That’s how he’ll take advantage of you. This is difficult, so let’s try to think a little more… basic._

He had so, _so_ many questions for Black Hat. What’s his true name? Was he human once? How many souls has he taken? Does he prefer red or white wine? _Why the hell did he kiss me?_ Does he really drink poison like people say? _Can we make out again?_

Yeah. Lots of extremely important questions. Obviously.

“Having trouble? Oh, how about ‘hey Black Hat, why don’t you spill all the secrets of your past?’ It is _a_ question, you know, and you’d be forcing me to give a lot of information. Come on, Flug, I’m basically _giving you instructions_ on what to ask me.”

“I’m not an idiot, quit patronizing me. I know that that’s exactly the kind of question you want me to ask.”

“Frankly I just wish you’d ask _something_ , I’m starting to get _bored.”_

Were eldritch monstrosities always this annoying? Perhaps he should ask that.

Just one important piece of information about Black Hat was all he needed to have the advantage. Black Hat knew that all too well, so why was he so confident? Flug couldn’t help but wonder why he was so… willing. Was he really serious about this after all? Flug had of course considered the possibility that he was lying, but if he was really so confident, why would he feel the need to lie? 

He didn't.

Of course he didn't. Because what could he do with such information? Would he really go to heroes? Certainly not, not with his record. 

He trusted Flug enough to do this.

He wished he could say that Black Hat had made a huge mistake. But he was right. Right again.

_Always_ right, the cocky bastard.

“I’m _waiting_ , Flug. Ask me already before I die of old age.”

Those words were all he needed. 

_That… that’s it!_

The words stumbled out before he could stop them. “…I-In your current form, Black Hat… you’re immortal. You’ve lived for centuries- eons, possibly. I know that. Age isn’t something that will ever plague you. But, aside from that… what in this universe could possibly kill you?”

Black Hat considered the question for a moment before laughing bitterly. “…So you decided to ask the question that you spent all this time trying to find the answer to, yet couldn’t. How typical of you, Flug. I was expecting a tougher question, and yet again you’ve disappointed me.”

Flug chuckled bitterly. “Sorry sir. But this was the only thing I could think to ask… the ultimate secret that the heroes would do anything to have. I know you could easily lie, but… given your current situation, I don’t think you will.”

Black Hat met the doctor’s gaze with a deep intensity. “Ah, now _there’s_ my doctor. Fine then, you want an honest answer on what will really kill me? The answer is…” He paused for dramatic effect, watching for Flug’s reaction. The doctor merely nodded his head, encouraging him to continue.

“...I have no idea.”

“…What?”

“Have you got sawdust in your ears? What, even if such a thing did exist, did you really think I’d go out searching for something that could kill me?”

“I mean, maybe to keep the enemy from getting their hands on such a thing. This is, all hypothetical of course, assuming that... something like that  _does_ exist..." 

Black Hat rolled his eye. “Whatever. In any case, I really don’t know. Divine weapons, some sort of biblical smiting, _aliens?_ Who the hell knows?! Heroes have tried time and time again to kill me- it never really sticks! Here’s the problem with your ‘tests’- you decided to poke and prod at me and see what you could find, and for once in your life, you’ve found that there was something that you just _couldn’t_ explain. Isn’t that right?”

“I-“

“I am _nothing_ like the previous villains that this world has known. There’s never been anything like me. That’s why there’s no answer to your question, Flug. Because although I may have been around for centuries, I’m _just getting started_ here on Earth. Thanks to you, I’ve found a new motivation.” He then spread his arms out wide, his trademark grin stretching wide across his face. “So, I **_eagerly_** invite all heroes to come poke and prod at me all they’d like! The answers will always be the same! Well, _Doctor Flug?!_ Would you like to come and rip out my organs again?! Here, how about I _take a sample for you?!”_

With a large black talon, Black Hat cut through both his suit and his skin, an eerie green glow emanating from the wound as both skin and suit slowly split apart like they were one. Flug was met with the disturbingly familiar sight of his internal organs, pulsing and wet and _writhing-_

“STOP!” Flug screamed, throwing his hands up defensively to hide himself from the horrific sight. He collapsed to the floor in a sobbing heap, pushed to his breaking point by the building stress and Black Hat edging him on. “Enough! Enough, _please!_ I get it, you’ve made your point! I was wrong, I’m sorry I did that to you, I just… I just wanted to get my life back… that’s all I wanted… I just wanted to be able to fly a plane again…”

He momentarily forgot he was in the presence of another and threw all caution to the wind, tossing the paper bag and goggles to the floor as he wept, wiping at the tears pouring down his reddened face.

Black Hat’s arms fell at his sides, the choking presence in the room fading. The slit he’d created ever so slowly pulled itself together in a matter of seconds. Once his clothes were repaired, he knelt down in front of Flug, resting his arm across his knee. _“Ugh,_ tears. Come now, doctor, there is no need for that. Honestly, you look pathetic crying like that. A villain doesn’t shed tears so easily.”

Flug looked up at him through bleary eyes. “A-A villain..?”

“A lame second-rate villain, but yes. A villain. I’ve decided, Flugslys. Now, on your feet.” In a surprising, not-Black-Hat move, he gracefully rose to his feet- and offered Flug a hand.

The shaking scientist took the offered hand, allowing Black Hat to help him to his feet. “T-Thank you… that really… means a lot to me…”

Black Hat waved him off. “Yes yes, you can shower me with gratitude and praise later. For now though, I need to know if you’re going to hold up your end of the bargain, or if I’ll have to kill you for betraying me.”

Flug knew that the threat wasn't completely empty, and still couldn't help but chuckle a bit. “You mean it though? You’ll answer any questions I have if I agree to work for you?”

“In due time, yes. But that is contingent on one thing, and that is you agreeing to give up all of the information you have on Men Without Hats. Do we have a deal?”

He extended his hand again, only this time it wasn’t to help him off the floor. It was to invite him to start a new chapter of his life that he was, frankly, probably going to regret.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, he supposed.

“Yes. We have a deal.”

* * *

So. Flug was officially Team Black Hat.

Now the next step came, which was gathering as much information as he could before they made their escape- oh, and getting Black Hat out of his cuffs and collar, because while Black Hat’s abilities might not have been as restrained as he thought they were, as Flug had come to find out, the cuffs and collar had built in chips that would trip the security system if Black Hat tried to leave the building- or if he tried to remove them himself. He guessed that Black Hat wasn't keen on reappearing to the public quite yet. As far as Flug knew, Black Hat's capture had been kept tippity-top secret.

_Tippity-top._ He _really_ needed to stop hanging out with Dementia. 

He remembered hearing Dr. Marlon brag about the cuffs and collar. Flug didn’t see any challenge in taking them apart, although he had a feeling it was going to take a while.

Black Hat had ordered Dementia to return the documents she stole from his office, so Flug was relieved to find that all of his notes and reports were right where he’d left them. He immediately set to work on organizing the papers into a neat stack when there was a knock on his door.

“Dr. Flug? It’s me, Dr. Marlon, may I come in?”

Shit. He hadn’t expected a visit from the higher ups quite so soon. He hastily shoved the notes into a drawer and smoothed out his coat to look presentable. “O-Of course, come in!”

Dr. Marlon’s brow quirked the moment he stepped inside, the door clicking shut behind him. “You seem frazzled, doctor. Is everything alright?”

“Y-Yes, everything’s fine, I just, um… I had too much caffeine this morning, so I’m a little on edge.” It wasn’t exactly a _complete_ lie. Flug basically lived on coffee and Five Hour Energies.

“I see… well then, in any case, I just came to see how you were doing and to hopefully get a status report from you. After taking a look through the camera footage I’ve noticed that you haven’t been taking Black Hat to the testing ward.”

Flug fidgeted awkwardly with the hem of his labcoat. “Y-Yes, well… I didn’t know what more I could do. Besides, I think we’ve done enough tests, don’t you think? We can all agree that the secret to Black Hat’s weakness lies primarily in his past.”

Dr. Marlon’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “You could’ve taken some more organ samples, for instance. But yes, I think that’s the consensus we’ve come to. I think we can go ahead with our new operation.”

“New operation..?”

“Yes.” Dr. Marlon smiled warmly at him. “If you were worried about torturing Black Hat, well, now you can rest easy. HQ has brought in a team of… ‘specialists’. They’ll be here first thing in the morning, so we’re moving Black Hat to the solitary confinement cell tonight to prepare.”

Flug’s eyes widened. No. No no _no no-_ this put a wrench in their plans. “S-Solitary confinement… what time?!”

Dr. Marlon blinked slowly, taken aback by Flug’s urgency. “Eight o’clock… why, is something the matter?”

“No, it’s fine, just… it’s nothing.” Flug tried not to outwardly show how nervous he was, knowing that would raise Dr. Marlon’s suspicions even further. Now he needed to come up with a plan- and fast.

He sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Flug, the stress of this seems to really be getting to you. That’s why, I talked to HQ and I pulled some strings, and they’ve decided that thanks to your discoveries, they can take things from here.”

“...Take things from here? You mean…”

He nodded. “Yes. As of today, you are relieved of your duties. I’m going to sign off on your sheets and you’ll be approved to take your pilot’s license test again within the next three to five business days. Oh, and it’s free of charge, of course.”

Flug blinked once. Then twice. Then three times. Momentarily, he forgot how to breathe.

“Y-You’re…” he choked out, his mouth suddenly drier than the Sahara. “You’re serious?”

“Of course. You’ll be receiving your last paycheck by the end of this week. And, Sandra and I will both be writing you letters of recommendation for your fabulous work in the field of science and heroism. You’ve been a monumental help doctor, and I hope that you realize just how much good your studies on Black Hat are going to do for the world.”

“I…” Damn it all, Flug felt tears springing forth in his eyes- but not just out of happiness. Fear, confusion, uncertainty- but luckily he managed to swallow down any oncoming sobs. “I don’t know what to say, sir.”

“The truth is, Flug, I see a lot of myself in you. I think that’s why I took such an interest in you. You may have made a few mistakes in the past, and I have no doubt that you will continue to make mistakes from time to time. But I think you are the type that learns from failure and tries again. It’s the scientific way, after all- trial and error.” Dr. Marlon pulled the doctor into a brief but warm embrace. “Be careful out there, okay? The world of heroes and villains is dangerous. But I have faith in you and your abilities.”

Flug wasn’t much of a hugger, but he found his arms reaching up to return the hug. He wasn’t even thinking about the fact that the two of them fell on opposing sides- this was the first time anyone had ever told him that they had faith in him. “Thank you,” was all he could bring himself to say.

“You’re welcome.” Dr. Marlon placed both hands on his shoulders. “You are a good man, Dr. Flug. A very good man. I hope… I hope you’ll make the right calls.”

Before Flug could ask him what that meant, Dr. Marlon was already making his way out the door.

Flug doubted that he really knew, and was most likely just speaking generally. But now he found himself faced with a new predicament.

Two paths offering him very similar yet totally different things. There was Dr. Marlon, offering him the chance at a better life doing what he loved- flying planes and inventing things. Then there was Black Hat, offering him anything he wanted and more, the chance to do what he’d always gravitated towards with no limitations. He was no hero, and pretending to be so would only get him in a world of trouble. But was the world really so black and white? Divided by heroes and villains? The good guys and the bad guys? What a simple mindset.

Then again, perhaps it was time he started thinking with a bit more simplicity.

He couldn’t see Black Hat about this. Knowing him, he would just say something in an attempt to manipulate Flug into choosing him. He needed to talk to someone else. _Simplicity, simplicity…_

_That’s it!_

“Oh Flug-bug!” a familiar sing-song voice exclaimed. The lizard girl he’d come to befriend landed on the floor on all fours, her face just barely concealed within her hood and her mass of hair. “Who was that? Is he like your new dad? Or maybe you go for older guys…”

“Wha- _no!_ No no, that was my boss!”

“You mean your _old_ boss,” Dementia corrected as she rose to her full height. She ran her hands through her hair, throwing it behind herself. She then reached up to the band holding her ponytail together and tightened it- apparently it had loosened during her fall. “Cause you’re definitely gonna turn him down and say yes to Black Hat, right?”

“I…” Flug averted her curious stare. “I don’t…”

“Oh _come_ on!” Dementia shouted in frustration, tugging on her stray strands of hair. “Is there even a competition? Here, I’m gonna list out all the reasons you should pick Black Hat over that dude. Number one, Black Hat is _way_ hotter than him. Like, on a scale of one to ten, Black Hat is obviously a ten, and that guy was like a negative five-“

“Get to the point, Dementia.”

Dementia went on as if she hadn’t been interrupted. “Number two, look at what Black Hat’s offering you! He’ll literally give you whatever you want- he didn’t even offer _me_ that!”

“He didn’t?”

“Nope! You’re special.” Then, under her breath, she added “for some reason…”

“Well, I guess it’s not surprising that he wouldn’t offer _you_ anything…”

Dementia’s brow twitched. “I can’t even begin to understand why you’d wanna become some lame hero anyway! If you became a hero you’d have to get some dumb costume! And look at you- you wear a paper bag over your head! Would you just be like Paper Bag Man or something? Imagine how dumb that’d be!”

“Yes, Dementia, that would be dumb. But in case you haven’t noticed, lots of superheroes wear _masks_ to protect their identities. So hypothetically speaking, if I were to ever become a hero, I wouldn’t need a paper bag anymore-“

“You’re missing the point, dummy!” She poked his nose over the bag. “Heroes are overrated and boring. Plus Black Hat hates them, so I do too.”

“Are you capable of any individual thought apart from Black Hat?”

“I thought he’d like it if every thought I had from the moment I woke up till the moment I fell asleep was about him, but apparently not. Hmph.” She pouted indignantly, folding her arms across her chest.

_“That’s_ dedication,” Flug admitted- even he couldn’t commit to that.

_“Right?”_ Dementia agreed, throwing up her arms in exasperation.

“Do you… happen to know why Black Hat hates heroes so much?”

Dementia rubbed her chin in thought. “Uh, I guess ‘cause he’s evil and he’s supposed to? Anybody that stands in his way is an enemy, which is usually a hero.”

“I see…” Flug let out a resigned sigh. “I don’t think Black Hat was lying when he promised me all that stuff, but… I mean… you know how he reacted when I upset him.”

Dementia reached around and patted him on the back. “Oh, you’ll get used to his temper, don’t worry!”

Flug closed his eyes, reaching under his bag to rub his aching temples. “Ugh. If I decide to abandon Black Hat and side with Dr. Marlon, I know that Black Hat will escape one way or another. He’ll find a way to get those cuffs and collar off and escape, even if it means killing everyone here. And then… I’ll be next on his hit list.”

She nodded. “Exactly, so don’t be a dummy! You should always choose the winning team!”

“And you two are the winning team?”

“Three,” she corrected. “The bear’s on our side too- I talked him into coming with us. He’s not very violent but he’s indestructible and he’s cool to talk to, so I figured he could come.”

Flug would have to apologize for dragging the bear into this once this was all over. Poor 5.0.5 didn’t deserve this. “…Right.”

Dementia beamed, clasping her hands together. “So that means you’ll come?!”

“I- I still need to talk to Black Hat,” he said, “but yes, I think I-“

Before he could finish Dementia pounced, wrapping Flug in an embrace so tight he nearly stumbled to the ground. “This is gonna be great! You, me, the bear, and Black Hat- we’re all gonna be _roomies_ at Hat Manor! Living with Black Hat, it’s like my dreams are all finally coming true! Thank you Flug-bug!”

Flug wanted to ask her what she was talking about, but at the moment he was more concerned with not suffocating in her arms. “Dementia, that’s nice and all, but you’re _very_ strong and I think my spine is about to snap.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” She promptly released him, and Flug took a brief few seconds to regulate his breathing and straighten his back. “Can I tell him the news?!”

“No, this stays a secret until I go to see him, alright? Actually… something just happened that threw a wrench in our plan. You were here, right? When Dr. Marlon said-“

Dementia nodded, her expression suddenly serious. “Yeah. So we only have until eight o’clock to get out of here?”

Flug nodded. “Yes. I’m going to go have a quick talk with Black Hat. I’ll tell him what’s going on and I’ll meet you back here in my office in an hour. Don’t get caught, okay?”

“Yes sir!”

He watched her gracefully climb up the walls and stealthily make her way out the door. But before he could return to Black Hat, there was one quick thing he had to do. He wouldn’t feel right otherwise.

He sat down at his desk and pulled out a piece of paper. After finding a pen and clicking the end of it, he began to write.

_‘Dear Dr. Marlon,’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flug is officially team black hat!!


	9. The Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat and Dr. Flug put their plan into motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 9 has arrived! we're now officially in the second half of this little story. 
> 
> enjoy!

“Flug, what’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Apparently not in the mood for Black Hat's taunting, Flug dropped the bag of tools he brought onto Black Hat’s bed. “No time. There’s been a change of plans. We need to move, fast.”

“A change of plans? Doctor, what’s happened?”

“Dr. Marlon told me that they’re moving you to solitary confinement at eight o’clock tonight. They’ve brought in a group of specialists to torture information out of you. We only have a few hours left to get these cuffs _and_ the collar off, _and then_ get you and Dementia out of here." Flug let out a dry, humorless laugh. "Oh, and they’re already suspicious of me, so there’s that too.”

Black Hat raised a brow, confused. “I was under the impression that _you_ would be the one conducting my torture. What changed?”

“They uh…" Flug paused to clear his throat, "they let me go. Told me that my record was clean and I was free to go get my pilot’s license.” He began frantically digging through his bag to pull out his tools and lay them onto the bed in front of Black Hat. “Now hold still, I’ll work on the cuffs first.”

“Wait.” Black Hat lightly smacked his hand away. “They let you go, just like that?”

“…Yes. They no longer had a need for me so they’re approving me for my pilot’s license and writing me letters of recommendation.”

“And you…" Black Hat's eye narrowed, "you still came back?”

Flug bit his lip, knowing the question was unavoidable. Black Hat would want an answer at some point. “Please, sir, can we talk about this another time? We’re sort of in a hurry.”

Black Hat, unfortunately for him, wasn't willing to settle. “No, we will discuss this _now_. Why did you come back?”

“I… look, as much as I don’t want to admit this, you were right. I appreciate Dr. Marlon and everything he’s done for me, but I can’t go my whole life pretending to be something I’m not. Besides… what has a hero ever done for this world? They’re all in it for the money or the attention anyway- they don't care about protecting innocent people. Like hell I’m going to live my life in subservience to people like that.”

Black Hat’s visible eye flashed with red- only for a split second, but it was there, like a spark. “Mm… so you believe heroes are dishonest. But so are villains- lies and deception are sort of in the job description for a villain. So what makes them different? Why not try to become an honest hero?”

Flug knew that Black Hat didn’t really care- the demon seemed to be a fan of testing him, seeing if he’ll tell him exactly what he wanted to hear. More often than not, intentionally or unintentionally, Flug did. “Because I don’t want the title or the burden of ‘hero’. Because the intentions and desires of villains, while they’re… _awful_ and _twisted_ and all _kinds_ of messed up, they’re also… pure. They’re raw. Heroes, they’re always so… _vague_. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I don’t think human beings have the capacity to want to protect every single living thing. They just don’t. Their minds are hyper-focused around their friends and family and that’s all they think about when they sign up to become a hero. Admirable, but ultimately not beneficial for the human race as a whole, you know?” Flug clenched at his labcoat, balling the fabric in between his fists. “Besides… all I’ve ever wanted was to be able to show my creations to the world, and heroes… they’d never allow that. Not someone like me. But villains… villains would. _You_ would. So if it means I get to follow my dream, then…” He forced himself to look Black Hat in the eye. “I’d follow you anywhere. Because I think you are the answer. Not just for that, but for like… everything?”

Black Hat’s brows lowered as he processed Flug’s words, his jaw tightening and loosening as he considered what to do or say next. Never in all his life had he been faced with such simple words of adoration. Sure, he’d had many people over the years who swooned for him and told him day and night how much they adored him. But those sweet, meaningless words paled in comparison to Flug’s simple confession.

They desired money, sex, power, whatever Black Hat could offer them in exchange for their souls. 

Flug, on the other hand, just wanted him.

He’d been so used to being disgusted by people’s words of affection that hearing something so genuine caused the faintest of jumps in his chest, where his heart was- or whatever he had that functioned as a heart.

“Flug.”

“Yes sir?”

“Take off that wretched bag. I’ve been overcome with the sudden urge to kiss you.”

“S-Sir?!” Flug sputtered, cheeks warming. “I-I, um… that’s… I’m flattered, but we don’t really have time for that right now, I have to get these off of you…” He gestured to the cuffs around his wrist.

“Is kissing not customary when one makes a confession of love?”

_“L-Love?!”_ he stammered. “I-I, well, that’s um, that’s very, uh… that’s a little soon don’t you think? Besides, um, I doubt that’s something you’d be interested in anyway. C-Can we please just focus on your cuffs..?”

“Oh Flug, awfully bold of you to assume what I’d be interested in.” He leaned over to play with a lock of the doctor’s hair. “You really shouldn’t conceal your face. I find it quite interesting to look at. It tells a story, unlike most human faces.”

“M-My face is hideous,” he protested weakly.

“Perhaps by human standards,” he acquiesced, twirling the lock of chestnut colored hair around his finger. “But what do you care about those silly old things for? You’re a villain now. Conformity is for the heroes and the civilians.”

“I-I never took you as the type for encouraging individuality, sir. I mean, I’m assuming you took that form to blend in with humanity, right?” Flug reasoned.

Black Hat looked a little caught off guard by Flug’s (admittedly) correct assumption. “That’s different. Although, considering how many non-humans and human hybrids are popping up these days I’m starting to wonder if I should even bother with this form anymore. Then again…” He reached up to pull his hat down further onto his head. “I’ve always had a fondness for top hats.”

“This form is very fitting for you, sir. It’d be a shame to change things now. The top hat is part of who you are, after all.”

“Mm, you have no idea,” Black Hat purred. “How about this then? Once we’ve reached the safety of my mansion, I’ll proceed to claim you on every surface in my home.”

Flug had to suppress a rather intense tremor at the thought. “Uh… how about dinner first? A-And maybe a couple more after that..?”

Black Hat rolled his eye. “You're such a prude." 

Flug laughed lightly. “Oh, I’m the furthest thing from prude, sir. I just like to be romanced a little first, that’s all.”

“You know I don’t do that.”

“Of course not, but I have a feeling you’ll give it a shot anyway- or at least something like it. I’m going to enjoy watching you try.”

“You little _shit_ -“

“Oh hey, look at that! Cuff number one is off.” Flug held up the broken cuff victoriously, smiling a deceptively innocent smile.

“You’ve been doing that this whole time?”

“While you were busy flirting and playing with my hair? Yes.”

As Flug set to work on the other one, Black Hat had to admit to himself: _he was good._ Flug might not be a huge mistake after all.

“So then, Flug, what’s your genius plan?” he asked.

A bit caught off guard, Flug looked away shamefully. He'd been so caught up in trying to get back to Black Hat in time that he hadn't thought this far ahead. “O-Oh, well, I was sort of hoping _you_ had a genius plan, sir.”

“What, do I have to do _everything_ around here?”

“No, but you are the only one of us with awesome supernatural powers, so…”

“Hm…” Black Hat drummed his fingers against the metal railing of the bed. “I suppose that’s true. Flug, is there any way you could get into the security room to shut off the cameras?”

“I have clearance for that room, my keycard will work. That won’t be a problem.” Flug gestured to the ID card hanging on his belt loop.

“Good. I may be able to slip through security undetected but I can’t have those cameras catching me. Any way you could shut down the whole system?”

Flug shook his head. “Afraid not, sir. At least, not without being immediately noticed. That would take me a couple hours and we don’t have that kind of time.”

_“Fuck_. Ah, well. Dementia can break out just fine on her own.”

“That’s the thing, sir… it’s not just Dementia coming with us.”

“What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ , Dementia found someone else she wants to come along. Subject 5.0.5. A bear- he’s really docile, but also indestructible. Dementia says he’d be really good to bring along..?” Flug meekly suggested, hoping Black Hat would at least be a little enticed at the thought of an indestructible bear. 

Unfortunately for him, no such luck.

_“Fuck_ _no_ , we can’t afford any setbacks or liabilities, especially not for a bear that apparently wouldn’t hurt a fly. The answer is no.”

“Sir, please? A bear that’s immortal and indestructible? Don’t you think that’d be a huge advantage? If we train him right, I think that he could be a useful asset!” Flug pleaded. Then, in a rare moment of confidence, an idea struck him. Black Hat had said he liked his face, right? With shaky hands he pulled off the bag, his messy brown locks falling into his face. He kept the goggles on- purely for dramatic effect and to make his teary puppy-dog eyes appear bigger than they were. _“Please,_ sir?”

Black Hat met his eyes- and admittedly, Flug hadn’t really expected this plan to work. Black Hat hated cute things, so he was likely to not be swayed like a normal person. Then again, he wasn’t cute, so maybe Black Hat would falter..?

"Flug." 

"Yes sir?" 

"Surely you didn't expect that to work." 

"...No sir." 

Clearly agitated, Black Hat sighed in resignation. “…Fine. But you tell Dementia that the bear’s escape is on her- I’m certainly not slowing down for him. And if the bear doesn’t prove to be useful then he’s on the streets- it’ll be more than crowded just having you and Dementia living with me, let alone a bear.”

“Wait a second,” Flug dropped the broken second cuff onto the bed. “You mean Dementia was serious? I’m… really going to be living with you?”

“Yes,” Black Hat said as he rubbed his freed wrist, “why? Is that going to be a problem?”

“No, not at all! It’s just a little unusual for employers and employees to live together, isn’t it?”

The grin from earlier was back full force. “I’d say our relationship has a bit more depth than _that,_ hm? Reducing us to simply employer and employee- after you made such a bold declaration of love? Ridiculous.”

Flug opened his mouth to point out again that what he’d said wasn’t _exactly_ a declaration of love, but Black Hat didn’t look like he cared much. And besides, at this point, was love really _that_ inaccurate?

Maybe Flug _was_ a bit of a prude. Still, he wanted those dinner dates, so he’d stick to it.

“And Dementia?”

“If I let Dementia run free then she’s a danger to the citizens of Hatsville, so I have to keep her in my home. Unfortunately. Honestly, I wish someone would just take her already but of course, _I_ get stuck with her. Typical,” he grumbled, folding his arms over his chest.

“I thought you liked terrorizing the citizens of Hatsville… and Atreno… and well, you know… everywhere.” Flug pointed out.

“Exactly, _me_. Not Dementia. If she’s going to terrorize citizens then _I_ should at least be telling her which citizens to terrorize. And… _paying_ her for it, I suppose, even though that idiot would destroy the universe for free if I asked her to.”

Flug shrugged. “I think that’s kind of nice.”

“Are you encouraging her obsession, doctor?”

“Not at all, sir. I know you hate this word, but I think her devotion to you is kind of… _sweet_. In a really malevolent, fucked up sort of way.”

Black Hat noticeably cringed at the word ‘sweet’. “Watch your language, Flug.”

“What, ‘fuck’?”

“No.” Black Hat’s eye narrowed into a slit. _“Sweet.”_  

“Sorry sir. Can you come closer? I need to get that collar off.”

_“Finally,”_ Black Hat said through a breath of relief, leaning closer to the doctor. “This damn thing’s made sleep quite difficult. I think I’ve got a crick in my neck.”

“I thought you didn’t need to sleep?” Flug inquired curiously as he popped open the panel on the collar.

“I don’t, but I had to pass the time _somehow_ when you weren’t around.”

“So that’s what you did?”

“Yes, among… _other_ things.” Black Hat winked at him salaciously. Flug had to resist the urge to roll his eyes as he delicately pried at the collar’s circuitry.

“How very charming," he mumbled sardonically. "You know, telling someone that you got off to the thought of them isn’t always going to make you appealing to them.”

Black Hat put his hands up defensively. “I said nothing of the sort- you just assumed.”

Flug actually _did_ roll his eyes this time. “Right, like that look you were just giving me _didn’t_ mean that you-“

The demon wagged his index finger disapprovingly. “Ah ah Flug, don’t use any crude language. If you do you might not like what happens next,” he purred.

“I can assure you sir, I probably would,” Flug said absently, now only half-listening to Black Hat.

“Oh, if we weren’t in a hurry I’d be doing all _sorts_ of things to you right now, doctor.”

The collar successfully popped off with a click. Flug placed it on the bed alongside the cuffs. “All done!” he announced, setting his tools on the small desk next to the bed. “I have to go for now. I need to tell Dementia the plan- I told her I would meet her in my office in an hour.” He pulled out his phone, and cursed to himself when he realized he was running quite a few minutes late- all thanks to Black Hat, of course. “For now, just lay low. After I meet Dementia I’ll head to the security room. I know there are no cameras in the subjects’ rooms, but there are cameras in the hallway. There’s one right across the hall- you can see it through the window on your door. When the red light turns off, that will be your cue to move. Get to the closest exit- and _don’t_ cause a scene. We don’t want the lab to go into lockdown mode.”

Black Hat nodded. “What about you, doctor?”

“What about me, sir?”

“How do you intend to escape this wretched hellhole?”

Flug barely stifled a laugh at that- he wasn’t wrong. “Oh, there’s a staff exit not too far from the security room. I’ll meet you, Dementia, and 5.0.5 out there.”

Black Hat rose from the bed, and somehow now, even though he hadn't technically lost his powers, he looked even taller than he did before. Inky tendrils swayed lazily behind his back in an impressive display of his otherworldly capabilities. Flug could’ve sworn he saw a hint of his other eye, but he specifically remembered Black Hat telling him that he’d lost it.

“I eagerly await your signal, doctor.”

* * *

Dementia was waiting on him, and she really didn’t have the luxury to do so. Flug could only hope she would still be there when he arrived.

“Dementia!” Flug exclaimed as he swung the door open, his chest heaving. “I’m here, sorry I’m late, I had to take off Black Hat’s…”

His words died in his throat.

Laying there on the floor, unconscious and restrained in every possible way, was Dementia. There was a strait jacket secured tightly around her arms and torso, two sets of chains around her ankles, and a muzzle on her face. She looked like she’d taken a beating too, as colorful bruises marred her legs and what little could be seen of her face. Through the muzzle, he could see the faintest hint of blood dribbling from her mouth.

“Oh… oh no… Dem… I-“

“Hey there doctor,” a voice he knew all too well said. “Is that yours?” he asked, gesturing to Dementia. “Found it snooping around your office, and it was… quite aggressive. Sorry you had to see it like this, but it was purely self defense.”

Flug was seeing red. “She’s not an ‘it’. Her _name_ is _Dementia,_ and she’s a _person.”_

“Barely,” the man scoffed as he stepped out of the shadows of the room. “It’s an experiment, Dr. Flug. Nothing more, nothing less. I wonder when you lost sight of that.”

“I’m assuming you know, then,” Flug said grimly. “About everything.”

Dr. Marlon shook his head. “Not everything, at least not yet. But we know enough, and we’ll know more soon. You see, Flug, I could go on this long tangent about how much this hurt me, about how your betrayal wounded me so, but the fact of the matter is, a part of me saw this coming. You really are a villain, through and through. Perhaps it was foolish of me to think you could change so easily. But after all the _slack_ I’ve cut you, I thought you’d at least be a little bit smarter about this!”

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Flug said earnestly, “I don’t have anything against you, Dr. Marlon. But I decided it would be in my best interest to pursue other opportunities.”

Dr. Marlon snickered to himself. “’Pursue other opportunities’… you make it sound so formal. Villainy isn’t just a job, it’s a _lifestyle._ You could do _so much_ good for the world, Flug! _So much!_ And yet you waste that potential by using your brilliant mind to make _death rays_ and things out of comic books and science fiction!”

_“That right there_ is why I could _never_ be a hero!” Flug argued. _“’Oh no, you can’t make something like that, it’s too dangerous!’”_ he mocked in a high-pitched voice. “Heroes always try to tell you what you can and can’t create!” His blood was boiling, so much so that he feared it might start burning through his skin. “As another scientist I thought you might understand what it’s like living in a world where every hero and villain has some kind of special power, and you’re stuck with _nothing_. I spent _years_ of my life getting an education and learning how to _invent_ and _create_ \- and the public is only ever interested in watching heroes and villains use their powers to fight each other.”

Flug finally paused to sigh, the exhaustion of the past week seeping into his voice. “But you’re not like me, are you? You’re _not_. You’re the same as a hero with powers.”

“Do you even _hear_ yourself?” Dr. Marlon countered. “’Oh _boohoo_ , the mean heroes won’t let me create weapons of mass destruction!’ Cry me a river! I know _exactly_ what it’s like to be you! I went through my whole life not having powers or abilities, got made fun of by _everybody_ , even my own fucking _parents_ were disappointed in me. But guess what? _I got over it!_ I moved the fuck on with my life! I went to college, and now I own the biggest hero’s research lab in the world! Even in a world where everyone looked down on me, I _still_ managed to find a way to do good.” He grabbed a large handful of Flug’s shirt. “The sooner you figure out that the world doesn’t owe you anything, the better off you’ll be.”

The room was silent for a moment as Flug processed his words. A grin that could only be described as evil then split his lips as he grabbed Dr. Marlon’s fist.

“…I understand that fully well, Dr. Marlon. But just as the world doesn’t owe me anything… _I_ don’t owe the world anything either. I don’t _need_ to do good for a world that doesn’t deserve it.” He looked down at Dr. Marlon’s hand and narrowed his eyes. “Could you let go of my shirt? It’s brand new and you’re wrinkling it.”

Dr. Marlon’s lips pulled back into a barely concealed snarl as he roughly released Flug. “Take him and the girl to the testing wing. It looks like we have some _tests_ to run.”

Three more men much larger than Flug also stepped out of the shadows. He knew there was no fighting them- he was vastly outnumbered and all of his weapons were kept here. He was certain that they’d done a clean sweep of this room and confiscated everything important that was in it. _Fuck._

He knew that if Black Hat were here, he would call him a coward for this, but at this point, he didn’t see another alternative.

So he dropped to his knees, and placed his hands behind his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *narrator voice* how will flug and the gang escape this totally unforeseen turn of events? find out in the next exciting chapter!


	10. The Escape, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helpless and at the mercy of an angered Dr. Marlon, Dr. Flug does what he has to do to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! sorry i'm a bit later than usual, but it's been an unusually busy week! 
> 
> just as a warning, this chapter is going to feature some pretty intense violence. i'll put a warning in the beginning of every chapter that features any gory scenes. 
> 
> without any further adieu, here is a new chapter from me to you!
> 
> enjoy!

“I went through all of Flug’s notes and reports and I downloaded them all onto this flash-drive, sir. Everything he did for us has been successfully saved.”

“Thank you very much, Sandra.” Dr. Marlon shook her hand, smiling victoriously. “I can’t wait to see the story that the national news will do on it once it goes public.”

“That information _can’t_ go public,” Flug shouted, struggling in his restraints. “It can’t.”

Dr. Marlon breathed a heavy, agitated sigh through his nose. “Well, not _all_ of it, we don’t want to induce mass panic,” he said reassuringly. “But we _do_ want the public to be somewhat aware. Not to worry though, this information will be sent to all hero networks around the world for revision before it goes public.”

Flug struggled again, pushing with all of his force against the ropes. _“If the right hero gets their hands on that information, then they might really be able to find the secret to killing Black Hat! I can’t let that information get out!”_

God, he was so fucked.

“That letter you wrote me was very touching, doctor.” Dr. Marlon said as he sat in the metal chair across from him. “Especially the part where you wrote about how much you looked up to me as a scientist, and about how you considered me a friend. And now look at you.”

“It didn’t have to be this way,” Flug countered. “I meant every word of that letter. When I escaped, I wasn’t going to let Dementia or Black Hat hurt you.”

Dr. Marlon made a noise of disbelief. “I should have known that you’d be weak enough to fall for Black Hat’s mind games. So, what did he promise you in return for helping him?”

“I’m following Black Hat out of my own free will,” Flug insisted. “He’s not manipulating me or forcing me to choose him. You were wrong about him.”

Dr. Marlon's eyes widened. “I was _wrong_ about him? Don't tell me you're _sympathizing_ with him." His astonished expression warped into a twisted grin. "If that's the case, you might be worse than he is!”

Flug shook his head. “No, not at all. See, that’s what I thought he was playing at too at first- the whole 'feel bad for me' thing. But turns out we were both wrong. He’s not like that at all. He’s the exact opposite and more. Everything you told me about him was both right and wrong.”

“You speak so highly of him,” Dr. Marlon noted. “Just what is he to you? How badly has he poisoned you?”

Flug sighed. “Look, I could sit here and argue that I’m not being manipulated until I’m blue in the face, but it wouldn’t get through to you. You’re like me, after all, and you need to see things to believe them. So go on, run a few tests. You’ll see.”

Dr. Marlon grinned again- it almost reminded Flug of Black Hat. “Oh, we’ll get to that, I promise. But first, we’re going to learn what we can about your friends here. Honestly, Flug, I didn’t take you as the type to befriend experiments. What a peculiar thing you are.”

Helpless, Flug could only watch as a now awakened Dementia and 5.0.5 wriggled and writhed against their own restraints. Dementia was snarling like a ravenous animal, screaming out every curse word she knew as loud as she could, while 5.0.5 growled lowly and tried every which way he could to slip out the cuffs and collar he’d been placed in.

it was pathetic, it was pitiful, but Flug could think of no other options at the moment. “This isn’t what heroes usually resort to. Please, don’t hurt them!”

Amused, Dr. Marlon raised a silver brow. “Begging now, are we? I’ll admit, using a villain’s tactic isn’t exactly… favorable. But you’ve left us with no other choice, Flug.”

One of the three “assistants” that had grabbed him earlier wrapped his arm around Dementia’s wriggling form, before strapping her down onto the metal table. Flug could’ve sworn he heard her hissing.

“We’ll start with the girl,” Dr. Marlon declared as he lazily made his way to the tool table. “Now then, Dementia, tell us everything you know about Black Hat and your little escape plan with Dr. Flug, and I’ll let you live.”

“Bite me,” Dementia spat.

Dr. Marlon frowned, thin lips pressing together in a tight line. “Now see, those are not the kind of results I want. So, as a scientist, what should I do to produce the results I want, Dr. Flug?”

"Please-" 

"I've got an idea. How about you take your science mumbo-jumbo bullshit and cram it up your hairy old man ass?" 

Dr. Marlon wrinkled his nose in displeasure, eyes narrowing. “Wrong answer. If I’m not getting the results I want from the subject, then I throw in some new variables. Variable number one…” Dr. Marlon grabbed the scalpel, holding it high for Flug to see. “The scalpel. Very, _very_ useful for surgical procedures. But will it succeed in getting the subject to speak up..? Let’s find out.”

“No!” Flug cried out, but it was far too late. The doctor he’d once looked up to was forcefully dragging the scalpel through Dementia’s arm. The lizard girl threw her head back and howled with agony as the scalpel slowly dug through her flesh, splitting her skin apart.

_“FUCK!”_ she yelled once Dr. Marlon finally withdrew the scalpel from her arm. 

Dr. Marlon’s lips pursed into a pout. “Looks like test number one was a failure. Oh well, you know what they say. Trial and error. Let’s try again, only this time somewhere else. Hm…” His eyes raked over her form as he pondered on where to stick the scalpel next. “How about here?”

Dementia twitched in her binds when she felt the man’s icy hand land on her lower thigh, right above her knee. “Better watch where you put those hands,” she warned.

Dr. Marlon chuckled. “Quite the sense of humor. Let’s see how the test subject responds to a different area of… _stimulus_.”

Flug outwardly cringed at the way he said “stimulus”.

Without hesitation he plunged the scalpel into the skin of her thigh. Dementia yelped again as the blade was pulled down through the flesh, blood spilling from the wound.

When he finally removed the knife, Dementia abruptly stopped screaming. Flug could see the way her blood caught the light as Dr. Marlon lifted the scalpel. A drop of it was sliding down the side, just a hair’s breadth away from making contact with Dr. Marlon’s gloved hands.

“Amazing,” he said, “the first cut is already healing… the regenerative DNA of the lizard was a good call, yeah? You needn’t worry about her dying, you know.” He gestured to her form on the table. “I’m not foolish enough to kill something so valuable.”

Flug could hear the sound of something snapping inside him. His heart, maybe, or perhaps his sanity. Whatever it was, it pushed words out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“I know more than both of them put together! In terms of information, I’m way more valuable than they are right now. So let them go, and I… I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

_That_ got Dr. Marlon’s attention. He set the scalpel down onto the tool table and turned to face Flug, smirking slightly. “An awfully bold assumption, to think you’re more valuable to us than the two of them.”

“I know Dementia may have been going to see Black Hat, but I was his doctor. I was closer to him than anyone here. If there’s anything you need to know, or any tests you need to run, then I’m the one. Not them. I know you’re doing this to get to me, and you’ve succeeded. You got to me. And this is me throwing in the towel. I don’t have anything left. My notes and my weapons are gone. You have Black Hat, Dementia, and 5.0.5 right where you want them. So please… no more…” He hung his head low, lip quivering. The bag and goggles had been ripped off, leaving his scarred, begging face exposed to everyone in the room.

Dr. Marlon slowly stood up from the stool he was sitting on, eyes wide. “…How noble of you. You almost sound like a hero, giving yourself up for your friends. How does it feel, knowing that you’re becoming the very thing you despise?”

Flug didn’t respond. He only needed to hold out for a little bit longer.

_I trust you. I trust you to know what to do from here. Now, everything is in your hands._

* * *

Hours seemed to pass by, and there was no signal.

He had been sitting by the door, staring out the small window for the blinking red light on the camera to turn off, but it was still on. He’d been sitting here for so long now that he was starting to suspect that the camera was mocking him by refusing to turn off.

_God_ , he really needed to get out of this hell-forsaken room.

He looked over at the clock on the wall. He only had a half an hour left until he was scheduled to be moved to solitary confinement. The plan wasn’t supposed to be taking this long. Flug was going to meet up with Dementia, tell her the plan, and then shut off the security cameras- it should’ve taken thirty minutes tops, yet the clock was now approaching two and a half hours since Flug left.

Something wasn’t right.

He looked down at his wrists, flexing his fingers. He was free. That wretched collar and the cuffs were finally off- true, they weren’t hindering him as much as he’d let on, certainly not enough to prevent his escape, but they were still a pain in the arse. But now, with them successfully removed…

What the _hell_ was he still doing here?

He knew that Flug had told him not to cause a scene, but it seemed that his dear scientist was in trouble, and if that was the case, then so was Dementia and that bear Flug had told him about. Surely Flug wouldn’t mind him misbehaving a bit if he was doing it to save his miserable life?

Ugh. Saving people. It was such a… _heroic_ thing to do. But, seeing as how they were going to be his future employees, he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

Besides, _no one_ touched what was his, and he would take any excuse he could get to kill some heroes.

He popped the bones in his neck- he still had a damn crick in it from that collar- along with a few in his fingers. It had been a while since he’d had a chance to really let loose.

“Let’s have some fun, heroes.”

The door opened, twisting off its hinges and clattering to the floor with a loud bang. Black Hat stepped into the hallway, breathing in the smell of dust and chemicals. Tendrils sprouted from his back, his claws extending. If only he could _really_ break his humanoid form, but in that case he might end up permanently injuring one of his employees on accident. Ah, well. Another time, perhaps.

As he walked he took notice of the terrified faces of the other test subjects, watching him with curious eyes through their tiny windows. He really didn’t intend to bother with them at first, but Dr. Marlon had really crossed a line this time, touching what was his.

“Poor things,” he cooed with false mirth. “Trapped in here like animals, forced into becoming heroes without getting the right to choose… allow me to free you from your burden.”

With a snap of his fingers all of the doors came unlocked in every ward. One by one the test subjects stepped outside, some bounding out into the hallways, others taking careful, tentative steps.

“Go on, you freaks. Explore! And while you’re at it, terrorize some citizens. I’ve got a job to do.”

Using his tendrils he pushed the subjects aside as he walked, clearing a path for himself.

_Wait for me, Flug. When I get there, I’ll be sure to give you a great show._

* * *

“Why are you refusing me?” Dr. Marlon inquired as he pulled the knife out of Flug’s shoulder. “Do you enjoy this? What are you dragging this out for? All you have to do is tell me what your plan to escape was! That's it! Come on now, Flug. Do you want me to go back to interrogating your friends?”

Weakly, Flug looked up and, without hesitation, spat blood directly into his face. 

Dr. Marlon, with his eyes closed, wiped the bloody mess off of his face. He took a deep, long breath, almost as if he were trying to calm himself, before he reared his fist back and sent it flying into Flug’s jaw.

“Do not _test_ me,” he hissed dangerously, holding onto Flug’s shoulder’s with an iron grip. “I have been in this field for many years, so don’t think that I won’t keep you here for days, weeks, even _months_. I’ll stop at nothing to save the world from Black Hat’s wrath, and I’m not going to let some scrawny _rat_ like you stand in my way!”

Flug spat more blood onto the floor, his head still hanging low. “If there’s anybody the world should be afraid of… it’s _you_.”

Enraged, Dr. Marlon delivered a quick blow to the other side of Flug’s face. “I’m going to make you uglier than you already are if you don’t start talking!”

“There’s no need for that,” a chilling voice interrupted, “Flug’s face is fine as is, in my opinion.”

Flug couldn’t help but let out a long sigh of relief at the sound of that voice- and he never thought he’d be feeling any sort of relief around _him_.

“Darling!” Dementia whimpered from across the room. “Darling, you came to rescue us!”

Dr. Marlon immediately released his hold on Flug, stumbling backwards. “Y-You… b-but how..? You should’ve been in solitary confinement by now…”

“About that…” Black Hat picked at his nails absently. “You might want to do something about your special agents that you brought in to torture me. They’re uh… sort of all over the place down there. You’ll have to forgive me, it’s been a while. I might have gone a tad overboard, but can you blame me? Keeping me cooped up in here... now I just have _bounds_ of energy that I need to exert.”

Dr. Marlon’s eyes drifted down to his neck, then to his wrists. “Your collar… the cuffs...”

“Courtesy of Dr. Flug, the head scientist and vice president of Black Hat Organization.” He tipped his hat knowingly at Flug, as if silently thanking him.

Dr. Marlon also turned to look at him before it all finally clicked in his head. “You… you were stalling for him… you _knew_ he’d come…”

“I-I knew he’d realize something was wrong, and since the cuffs and collar were off, it was only a matter of time. I just had to keep you occupied until he got here.” Flug wiped at his bleeding nose. “I think it cost me a broken nose, though. Would it have killed you to get here a bit sooner?”

Black Hat didn't seem to be bothered. "You'll have to forgive me doctor, I got carried away!" 

“I’m going to break a lot more than just your nose!” Enraged, Dr. Marlon charged at him, his bloody hands curled into fists, but just before he could make contact, a large black tentacle curled around his midsection, roughly yanking him away before he could make contact with Flug.

“Now now, there’s no need for that. You and I are going to have plenty of fun together, so don’t waste your energy on Flug.” The tentacle pulled him closer until he was face to face with Black Hat. The demon’s eye raked over his bloody form, eyeing him up almost like a starving dog would eye up a piece of meat. “Look at you; covered in the blood of my associates… you think you can just touch what is not yours? You dare to stain your hands in blood and call yourself a hero? Why, if you had done this to anyone else I might have invited you over for tea and a chat!”

“I do… what is necessary… for the sake of the world. To protect the innocent from your evil…” he choked out, his voice barely audible over his trembling noises.

“Goodness, I can barely hear you over your shaking. I can feel your heartbeat- it’s a miracle it hasn’t burst from your chest yet. Ah! How fun would that be?” The tentacle constricted tighter around Dr. Marlon’s body.

“P-Please!” Dr. Marlon begged. “Don’t do this! You need me… you need an enemy, a hero to keep you sated… otherwise you’ll go mad with boredom…”

“And you’re offering yourself up so I’ll spare your pathetic little life? Sorry, but I’m afraid you’re not quite cut out for the position of my mortal enemy. A true hero would’ve gone down fighting, or perhaps accepted their fate. But _you_ … you’re begging for me to spare you, insisting that a being such as myself needs _you_. _You?!_ ” Black Hat reared his head back, roaring with raucous laughter. _“Please,_ now that’s just too much! You’re not a hero worthy of being my enemy. In fact, I’d hardly call you a hero. You’re not a villain, either- you’re far too weak for that. You’re a nobody. You’re nothing. You’re no better than a dirty mongrel on the streets.” Black Hat held him closer, chest rumbling with low growls, his glare downright predatory. “You will die and you will be remembered by no one, mourned by no one. Your accomplishments in this world will amount to nothing. This fickle empire you’ve built crumbles today.”

“…He’s no better than me,” Dr. Marlon insisted after a moment of tense silence, shakily raising his hand to point at Flug. “He’s just like me. Neither a villain nor a hero, good for nothing! People like him can do _nothing_ for this world… so just what does _he_ expect to do for a creature like you?!”

Black Hat raised a brow, confused. “Why are you dragging Flug into this? He’s not the one begging for his life right now- _you_ are. Flug is definitely a coward, but if he were in your position I think even he would manage to save at least an _iota_ of his dignity." His grip tightened again. "No, the difference between you and Flug is that Flug is not powerless, nor is he a fool. Now then, enough chit-chat. Your voice is starting to annoy me.”

If this were any other situation, Black Hat would’ve dragged this out, tortured the man for hours, perhaps days, with pleasure. He was certainly angry enough to do so. But, seeing as how security and backup would be arriving at any moment, he would have to end it here.

What a shame. This scum didn’t deserve such a swift death.

**_“You put your hands on my scientist, my assassin, my- whatever 5.0.5 is. You spilled their blood. But above all- you’re a hero. Simple as that.”_ **

“P-Please..!”

**_“I’ll see to it that the deepest depths of Hell are reserved just for you. There will be no peaceful end for you. I’ll make sure that every waking moment of your existence, both in life and in death, is nothing but torment and misery unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. Now then, how about you beg me to spare you one more time?”_ **

“Please…”

Another tight squeeze. **_“LIKE YOU MEAN IT, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS!”_**

“PLEASE!” he shouted, tears pouring down his reddened face in thick streams. “Please don’t do this, please! I was only doing a job; I was never going to kill them! Please, if there’s anything human left of you, don’t kill me!”

The room grew deathly quiet as Black Hat ever so slowly crept closer to the weeping human. He cupped his cheeks, wiping away his tears in a gesture that could almost be considered comforting. Then, in a low and undeniably demonic voice, he whispered into his ear, _“Anything human was purged a long time ago.”_  

Dr. Marlon tried to draw in enough breath to speak one last time, but he didn’t get the chance to do so before Black Hat’s tendrils started crushing his lungs.

Black Hat wasted no time in tearing the man apart, ripping into him with claws and tentacles and other indefinable limbs. His screams were drowned out by the sound of Black Hat's eager laughter. Blood sprayed onto Black Hat’s suit, the floor- some even managed to splatter onto the walls. It was like a scene straight out of a horror movie. Flug couldn’t watch- he’d already been feeling sick, so he was sure that watching would likely induce vomiting. And poor 5.0.5- the bear was cowering in the corner, frightened by the display. Flug wished he had the courage to move and shield the poor creature’s eyes.

Even the "assistants" that Dr. Marlon had brought along had fled long ago at the sight of Black Hat. 

The only one who was watching was Dementia.

“Holy shit…” she whispered in amazement. “He’s been dead for the past like two minutes and he’s still not stopping.”

Flug didn’t dare interrupt him. As disturbing and over the top as it was, he couldn’t say he didn’t deserve it.

"Would it be weird if I said that I'm aroused right now?" Dementia asked. 

Flug swallowed down bile. "Please never say that again." 

Black Hat finally dropped what was left of Dr. Marlon onto the floor, returning to his usual state. The tendrils receded into his back, his claws shortening to their usual length. The blood that had soaked his face and suit was gone now, and he looked pristine and put together as usual, like nothing had ever happened.

“Wow…” both Flug and Dementia said through heavy breaths.

Black Hat adjusted his tie, fully aware that he had an audience. He snapped his fingers, breaking them free of their restraints. “That was… _therapeutic_. I’ll have to try that more often.”

“Sir, not to ruin the therapy session but more heroes are being sent here, and we still need to steal back all of the data that Men Without Hats stole from me. If we don’t hurry-”

_“Stop right there!”_

“Oh,” Flug grumbled flatly. _“Great.”_

Three very obviously heroic figures stepped in through the doorway, eyes roaming around the room with obvious disgust.

Their gaze then happened to fall on the mangled, unrecognizable corpse of Dr. Marlon. The one female hero turned her head away, covering her mouth and swallowing down vomit.

“I suppose that’s your handiwork, is it not?” the leader of the group asked. He was almost as tall as Black Hat, with perfectly quaffed dark hair and a lean but muscular form.

Black Hat’s eye briefly flitted down to the body he’d happily dismantled. “Let me guess, you’re going to give some speech about how you’re finally going to put a stop to my evil once and for all, we punch each other a little, and then I rip your spines out through your throats.” He rubbed his hands together. “Sounds like a jolly good time to me.”

The heroes did not give any sort of response, instead taking battle positions.

Flug couldn’t help but wonder why they looked so stiff and formulaic- it hardly appeared natural.

Black Hat nodded, clearly hoping to get some sort of reaction from the heroes. “Right then. Dementia, on your feet. Flug, here.”

Before Flug could ask what he meant, he was scrambling to catch a ray gun that had been tossed at him. “Um- sir..?”

“Go and take back all the data that was stolen from you- and everything else here too. I want every single piece of information that this pathetic establishment has to offer. If anyone tries to stop you, you know what to do. Oh, and take that wretched bear with you. The damn thing is useless if it can’t kill heroes.”

“O-Of course, but um… what about you?”

Black Hat grinned wickedly, claws ripping through his gloves. “Dementia and I are going to have a bit of _fun_. Not to worry, we can handle things here. Don’t wait up for us here- once you finish collecting what you need, wait for us in town square- and don’t get caught.”

“Yes sir,” Flug said as he motioned for 5.0.5 to follow him. “Just, ah… be careful, please.”

Black Hat tipped his hat at him again. Flug wasn’t quite sure why, but something about the gesture made his chest feel warm.

Right. He had a job to do. His first mission as an employee of Black Hat Organization.

“5.0.5, follow me. We have work to do.”

Black Hat watched them leave. The door shut behind them and with that, he returned his attention to his heroic pests.

“Dementia, _darling_ , I’ll let you have first pick,” he cooed.

Dementia giggled delightfully at the pet name. Her mismatched eyes scanned over their opponents before settling on the female of the group. “Such a gentleman. Lemme at the girl- she was lookin’ at you kinda funny.”

The female swallowed heavily.

“Wonderful! I’ll have these two then.”

“No fair, I wanted two!” she whined.

“Next time, I promise.” He snapped his fingers. “Well, what are you waiting for? Showtime!”


	11. The Escape, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *breakdances* 400 kudos,,,,,,,,, why do u all like this so much 
> 
> if this ends up being my most popular fic i might cry
> 
> i hope you enjoy chapter 11! this chapter was fun to write.

“So you’re… you’re indestructible? And immortal?”

The bear nodded, his flower bobbing up and down.

Flug couldn’t help but watch it as he moved. “I see… I’d like to do some tests later on if that’s alright.”

5.0.5’s eyes widened with something akin to terror, and that was when Flug realized that the poor thing had probably been through invasive testing and experimentation his whole existence. All he'd ever known was test after test after test.

“O-Oh, please don’t worry, I won’t hurt you, I promise! I don’t know what those other scientists did to you, but I’m not like them! I mean- well… when it comes to you, anyway,” he said reassuringly. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise. I just want to learn a few things about you, that’s all.”

5.0.5, although still a bit hesitant, made a rumbling noise of approval.

They were about to turn the corner when Flug heard a barrage of sounds coming from down the hall. He stopped 5.0.5 from rounding the corner, placing a hand on his furry chest, and gently pushed him so he would stand back against the wall. He pressed a finger to his lips through the bag, urging him to be quiet.

Ever so slowly, Flug peered around the corner, his ray gun loaded.

It was like a complete madhouse.

The lights flickered as humans and non-humans alike stormed through the hallways, laughing and screaming, scuttling up the walls, flopping against the floor, breaking things (and each other) as they pleased. A man with claws and dog ears howled like he was calling to his pack. A young woman with gills was searching frantically for a glass of water, complaining of extreme thirst. A little girl, no older than the age of nine, with pure white hair and silvery skin, sat cowering against one of the doors, terrified for her life.

_“What… the hell happened here? How did they get out?”_

“Dr. Flug!” a familiar voice shouted.

Before Flug could turn around another young woman- the agent from Men Without Hats- stumbled forward and clung desperately to his shoulders. Her hair was a mess, sticking to her bloodied face in dried strands. Her face was swollen, her tattered clothes barely clinging to her beaten body.

“A-Amy?” he stammered. “What… what happened to you?”

Shaking and panting, she clutched him tighter. “Th-The experiments got loose… they all got loose… s-something l-let them out… b-but how? Th-There’s no way…”

As Flug gingerly helped her stand on her own, he came to a startling realization. _Of course._ Of course he couldn't resist stirring trouble. “Damn it, I told him not to make a scene!”

Confused, Amy squinted at him. “Wh-What do you mean?”

“Black Hat,” Flug said through an exasperated sigh. “I tell him not to make a scene and this is what he does! Now the whole place is definitely on lockdown!”

“O-Of course it is, we can’t risk letting the experiments out! Dr. Flug, what are you saying? What is going on?”

Flug sighed, his exasperation now turning to aggravation. “Sorry, Amy- you’re a nice girl, but I really don’t have time for this.”

Before Amy could question him further, Flug flipped a switch on his ray gun and fired it at her. The beam enveloped her in a bright blue light. Once the light faded, her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed onto the floor in a heap.

Flug heard 5.0.5’s horrified gasp from behind him.

“Relax, I didn’t kill her. See?” He pointed to the switch on the ray gun. “There’s two settings- only one of them is lethal.”

5.0.5 grumbled in response.

“Yeah, I know something else in here will probably kill her, but that’s not our problem right now. Right now, we have to find a way to get through _them_ ,” Flug said, pointing to the ravenous mob of experiments.

There was no sneaking past them, and he had nothing to cause any sort of diversion. Black Hat and Dementia were still busy tearing apart some heroes. There was no other choice- he’d have to go in fighting.

“Alright. 5.0.5, the room we need to get into is at the end of the hallway. We’re both going to run through there as fast as we can. I’ll shoot at anything that moves- but I need you to protect me, okay? If you want to get out of here, you have to protect me. Can you do that?”

5.0.5 nodded dutifully.

“Good. We move when I say so.”

* * *

“I mean, if you’re down for lunch, I am too,” Dementia suggested, licking her lips hungrily at the sight of the corpses before them.

“Dementia, please, I have _standards,”_ Black Hat grumbled with a roll of his eye.

She shrugged carelessly. “Just saying- there’s a free meal right here.”

“And _I’m_ just saying, we don’t have time for it.” His forked tongue briefly flitted out through his teeth. “Dr. Flug and the bear. They still haven’t left yet.”

“How do you know?”

“I can smell them," Black Hat said as if it were obvious.

Thrilled, Dementia squealed excitedly, giggling like a schoolgirl. “You can smell people? What do I smell like?!”

“Like you need a bath.”

“Aww, Hatty!”

“Don’t ever call me that again.”

“Fine, but only because you said please.”

Black Hat shot her a confused look. The one mystery that always seemed to elude him in all of the thousands of years that he had been alive, was what in the ever-loving _fuck_ was wrong with Dementia. "I didn't..." He let out a truly pained, exasperated sigh. "Since they haven’t left yet, that means they need assistance. What say you and I lend the doctor a helping hand?”

Dementia eagerly punched her fist against the palm of her hand. “Aw fuck yeah! I’ve been cooped up in here for weeks and I can’t take it anymore!”

He nodded in acknowledgment. “Likewise. Then let’s go stretch our legs a bit more, shall we?”

“Mmphmm.”

“Dementia, get that man’s arm out of your mouth, for fuck's sake!”

Dementia reluctantly released the arm, dropping it onto the floor next to the body she’d ripped it off of. “Why? Did you want some? I’ll share!”

“No, but you don’t know where it’s been. For all you know it’s filthy.”

“Oh it’s been places,” she drawled suggestively. “I could smell it- he and the other hero- the dude you impaled- they were gettin’ _busy,”_ she said with a childish giggle.

Black Hat cringed- he could only imagine what was going through her mind. “I did _not_ need to know that.”

“Why don’t we ever do that?” she asked innocently.

“Do what?”

“You know," she prompted, _"get busy.”_

“...I am not going to answer that.”

Luckily for her, he just barely missed her sticking her tongue out at him.

Black Hat stepped over the dismembered corpses and headed to the door. “I’m leaving now, are you coming?”

“But of course, my love! Always! I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth!”

“...Ugh.” His tongue flitted through the air again. “They’re close by. Stay still.”

He then, although with a bit of hesitation, placed his hand on her shoulder.

Dementia looked up at him like a blushing maiden, giggling shyly. “Oh… sweetheart I’m flattered, but is now really the time? I mean, we have to go save Flug and escape and all, you know…”

Black Hat bristled. “Dementia.”

“Y-Yes..?”

“If you ever look at me like that again or say those words to me again, I will likely vomit, and the last time I did that someone’s face melted off. You do _not_ want to make me ill.”

Dementia merely laughed it off as if she were unaffected, but the look on her face was definitely gone.

“There’s no sense wasting time here. Without those wretched cuffs and collar I can teleport without triggering the system. So let’s try this again: _stay still.”_

Before she could protest or ask what he was going to do, they were both swallowed in his shadow. It truly was only about a second in real time, but for someone like Dementia who had never been teleported, it took her a moment to adjust herself once they arrived at their destination.

She staggered out of his grasp, her stomach churning.

Black Hat straightened his tie and pulled a disgusted face. “If you’re going to be sick then do it over there, this suit is brand new!”

“Nah I’m good,” she said through heavy breaths as she slumped against the wall, her head spinning. “I’m good, just uh… not used to flying Black Hat Express yet, that’s all.”

“Never say that again.” He then turned his attention to the hallway. As expected, all of his little monsters had escaped, but since the lab was on total lockdown, there was nowhere for the creatures to go. In the middle of them all were Flug and 5.0.5- fighting valiantly, he had to admit- but they wouldn’t last much longer without assistance.

“Right then!” Black Hat yelled, loud enough to get the creatures’ attention. He stepped out into their view, placing his hands behind his back. “You lot! Step away from the scrawny human or Dementia here will have you all for lunch!”

“D-Damn right!” Dementia stammered, still recovering from her dizzy spell. “I’m a ravenous beast of insatiable hunger!”

“My doctor here is trying to _help_ you all, you see,” he continued. “Allow him entry to the security room and he’ll disable the lockdown. Then you’ll all be free.”

“And who says we have to listen to you? How do we know that we can trust you?!” the fish woman retorted, her voice hoarse.

His grin was devilish, like he'd thought of what she was going to say and was thrilled that she'd said exactly what he'd predicted. “Oh you can’t. Never trust a villain. But I’m all you’ve got, because if you refuse me, you’ll be trapped here until more heroes come and lock you back up in another cell. Is that what you want? Or would you rather take your chances with me?”

The experiments stared- first at Black Hat, then among themselves- before falling silent and stepping away resignedly from Flug and 5.0.5.

_“Good_ , good little abominations,” he cooed. “Now then- Dementia, Flug, Bear- cover your ears and don’t look at me.”

“Why?” Flug and Dementia asked simultaneously.

“Just do it!”

Dementia scurried over to where Flug and 5.0.5 were and hunkered down with them as they shut their eyes tight and put both hands (or in 5.0.5’s case, paws) over their ears.

Once Black Hat was sure that his… _assistants_ couldn’t hear or see him (at least, not enough to be affected), he spoke again, letting his aura fill the room like a toxic gas.

_“Listen to me and listen well. Once I snap my fingers, you will escape and you will forget everything you witnessed here. You will remember nothing of your time at this lab. Oh- and if you ever find yourself in need of evil services, you will be sure to contact Black Hat Organization immediately.”_

He snapped his fingers. The heavy red smoke that had billowed into the room quickly dissipated. The experiments blinked as if coming out of a trance, looking at each other dazed and confused.

They cleared a path for him and Black Hat approached where his future employees sat next to each other with their eyes shut, hands pressed tightly over their ears.

With a flick of his index finger he removed their hands (and paws) from their ears. “It’s safe now. Open your eyes.”

Flug was the first one to stand up. He straightened his bag after it had been crinkled from how tightly he’d been covering his ears. “Sir, what did you do to them?”

“Bit of hypnosis,” he said casually. “Didn’t want you three morons to get affected by it. I told them that once they escape they’ll forget everything that happened.”

“I wanna get hypnotized!” Dementia exclaimed, raising her hand excitedly.

Flug placed his hand on her shoulder. “No, Dementia. No you don’t." 

Dementia shrugged his hand off her shoulder. "Yes I do!" She turned her attention towards Black Hat and clasped her hands together as if she were begging. "Come on, hypnotize me!" 

Black Hat, for a split second, almost appeared as if he was going to grant her wish.

“Wait- if you can hypnotize people then why didn’t you just hypnotize me into helping you escape?” Flug asked.

Black Hat held up his finger. “Number one- I didn’t _need_ you to escape- you just happened to be a helpful asset. A bonus, if you will. And number two- as much as I like having the power of hypnosis at my disposal it’s simply no fun. If I had your mentality then I’d just hypnotize all the villains of the world so they’d hire Black Hat Organization. What fun is that?” He shook his head. “None. The hypnosis can come _after_ they sign their souls away of their own free will. Besides,” he said, pausing as he began to salivate, “a soul that came to me willingly is a soul that tastes better, in my opinion.”

Flug swallowed thickly. “Y-Yeah, um, about that... do we have to give you our souls?” he asked hesitantly, his voice trembling a bit.

“Oh, we’ll work out those details later. For now, let’s focus on getting the fuck out of here. I’m tired of seeing white walls.”

“R-Right,” he stuttered out, still concerned over the matter of his soul.

* * *

“And that’s the last of it,” Flug said as he pulled out the flashdrive victoriously. “I also had Dementia and 5.0.5 go and grab all of the functioning laptops and computers here and load them into my car. And of course all of my notebooks and any files Dr. Marlon had in his office. ”

“Are you sure it was a good idea to have Dementia handling sensitive information?” Black Hat muttered under his breath. 

Flug laughed. “5.0.5 will make sure she doesn’t break anything important.”

“You trust that bear already?”

“He’s a _bear,_ sir. He’s harmless. I sincerely doubt he’s a hero in disguise.” Flug’s voice fell into a fatherly tone. “No, the poor thing just needs a home, that’s all.”

“Disgusting!” Black Hat stuck his tongue out. “Don’t you dare speak like that in my presence!”

“Sorry sir,” Flug said, only partly-apologetically. “Well, since that’s everything, shouldn’t we be going now? Dementia and 5.0.5 probably need help loading that stuff up.”

Black Hat held up a hand. “Wait, there’s one more thing I’d like to do.”

“Which is?”

“Naturally we’re going to trash this place- but I’d like to leave this room intact.”

“And why is that?”

Black Hat gracefully rose to his feet, smoothing out his tie. “Have you got a camera around?”

* * *

“I’ve placed a sealing circle around the room we were in- my magic should last long enough for the heroes to find the little surprise we left them.”

“So I can press the button now?!” Dementia shouted, eagerly hovering her thumb over the detonator.

“By all means,” Black Hat said invitingly with a sharp-toothed smile. “Go right ahead.”

With a maniacal cackle she pressed the button.

A few seconds passed and nothing happened, and for a moment Flug feared he’d placed the bombs incorrectly, but when he saw the first fiery explosion tear the roof off the building, he was quite relieved.

Naturally, bombs two, three, and four followed suit. The building collapsed in on itself as it was consumed in smoke and flame. Within a mere moment the Atreno City fire siren was going off.

Piece by piece, the Atreno City Hero's Research Lab came crumbling to the ground. 

“The police are going to be here soon,” Flug said, “we need to move.”

“Right then," Black Hat agreed. "Flug, take us to your car.”

“You want to drive? Sir, if I’m not mistaken your house is on an island and there are no bridges there from Atreno City-“

“We’re not going to _drive_ you idiot, I’m going to teleport the car, along with you morons, back to my place. Now tell me where your bloody piece of metal shite is!”

“R-Right!”

After Black Hat safely got them down off the top of the skyscraper they’d watched the explosion from, Flug pointed in the direction of the park.

“That way, it’s right next to the park entrance- I didn’t want it to be too far from the lab since 5.0.5 and Dementia had to carry all that stuff out there.”

Black Hat, despite not needing to breathe, drew in a deep, long breath. “...As much as it pains me to say this, hold onto me. Dementia, if that hand goes anywhere near my crotch or my arse, I’ll impale you and leave you in a ditch somewhere.”

Dementia gasped, placing her hand on her chest as if she were offended. “Oh come on, I wasn’t gonna try anything! I would never cop a feel without your permission, scout’s honor!”

“I certainly wouldn’t put it past you,” Flug remarked as he placed his hand on Black Hat’s shoulder, silently urging for 5.0.5 to do the same.

Offended, Dementia placed her hands on her hips. “Oh yeah? And what about you mister ‘I make out with my patients’?”

Black Hat immediately tensed and whipped around to face Flug. “You _told her?!”_ he roared, hissing in the scientist’s face.

Flug weakly put his hands up- as if he were putting some sort of barrier between them. “I-It was an accident! I-I didn’t mean to say it but it just slipped out, honest!”

Realizing that they had more important matters at hand, Black Hat reluctantly dropped the subject. “We will finish this conversation later. Dementia, let’s _go.”_  

She grumbled something unintelligible under her breath, a pout forming on her lips as she gently grasped his wrist. “Ready when you are darling,” she cooed, batting her lashes at him.

“Remember what I told you about making me ill?”

“…Right. Sorry.”

The shadow swallowed them, and before they knew it, before they could so much as question what was going on, they were in the park.

“I’m getting pretty good at traveling Black Hat Express,” Dementia said proudly, placing her hands on her hips. “Now I only mildly feel like I have to puke!”

“I think I _am_ going to puke,” Flug mumbled sickly, collapsing onto his knees as he clapped a hand over his mouth beneath the bag.

“Not on the shoes, I just had these polished!” Black Hat fussed, sidestepping away from Flug to give him his space. “Bloody hell, you humans and your pitifully weak stomachs-“

“Uh… guys?”

“I mean seriously, how do you get around in such weak little bodies?”

“Guys?”

“I-I’m sorry sir, I-I’m not quite used to traveling, er… Black Hat Express.”

“Oh great, now _you’re_ saying it too.”

“GUYS!”

Black Hat, Flug, and 5.0.5 all jumped simultaneously.

“Where the fuck is the car?”

Flug shot her an annoyed glance. “Dementia, what are you talking about? The car is right where I parked it.” He walked past them and gestured to the now empty spot where his car formally resided. “Right he- _HOLY SCIENCE IT’S GONE!”_

“Now you’re gettin’ it.”

“Flug?” Black Hat asked in an uncharacteristically sweet, quiet voice.

“…Y-Yes sir?” Flug squeaked.

“Where the _fuck_ is your pile of _shite_ on wheels?”

“I-I don’t know sir, i-it was r-right here I know it was…”

“That means some fucker jacked it!” Dementia shouted joyously. “Hell yeah, I knew I’d get to crack some more skulls before the day was over!”

“What are you excited for?!” Flug shouted back, waving his arms hysterically. “Dementia, this is _not_ the time to be cheering! That car was full of sensitive information- goddamn it, someone from the agency probably took it! They knew I’d try to steal back all of the information! _Fuck!”_

“Dude, you need to chill-“

_“Chill?!_ Oh yes, Dementia, I didn’t realize this was too much for you! Sorry, would you like to have a little sit-down, maybe drink some tea?! Oh no, it’s not a big deal, it’s not like my _fucking car which was full of sensitive classified information about Black Hat was just **stolen!”**_

A cold, clawed hand grasped his shoulder. “Flug. I cannot believe I’m saying this, but Dementia is right. Relax. We won’t get anywhere with you having a bloody fit! You look like a madman!”

Shaking in his grasp, Flug slowly turned around to face him. “Sir? You… aren’t upset?”

“Oh no. If we weren’t in public and wanted by the police I’d have torn down a few buildings by now. Thievery is fun and all, but no one, and I mean _no one,_ steals from me. You three had better be prepared, because we’re going on a manhunt.”

While Dementia whooped and hollered, Flug and 5.0.5 could only exchange nervous glances.

* * *

“Are there any survivors?”

“Well, according to the records there were live experiments being held there, and we couldn’t find any of them. None of the staff either, except for the bodies of Dr. Marlon, Amy Markus, and three heroes. I assume they were killed prior to the explosion.”

“So the experiments… were they vaporized in the blast?”

“I assume, but it’s the strangest thing… there’s no bodies. There’s no evidence that suggests that they were ever even there in the first place.”

“I see…”

“There’s another thing too… only one room in the building remained standing, and it’s in perfect condition. The security room.”

“Guys! Come here, you have to see this!”

Scrambling over the rubble and debris, the two detectives slowly staggered their way over to where the security room stood. To their astonishment, the main monitor was on, and there was none other than Black Hat’s face on it.

“It’s… him…”

“But how? He was trapped here…”

“I think it’s a video. Should we play it?”

“Might as well. It counts as evidence, after all.”

One of the officers slowly walked forward and tapped the space bar on the main keyboard.

_“Hello there! By the time you’re seeing this I’ll have escaped- and I’m sure you can guess who’s responsible for the mess you see before you. Sorry about that- precautions and all. But I wanted to pass a message along to you all. I bet you were very excited to finally have me in your clutches, weren’t you? I must admit, stepping out of the shadows for the first time in a while was a bit nerve-wracking, but it couldn’t have gone more swimmingly! Anyhow, as I’m sure you’ve probably figured out, my capture was my arrangement. That ‘hero’ that brought me in- he certainly looked the part, didn’t he? The fact that you didn’t even bother to check your records- I’m a bit disappointed, I wasn’t expecting it to be that easy! I must thank you for leading me right to the biggest information hub that Men Without Hats has to offer. And now that I know everything they know, I can set to work on taking them down, one hero at a time. Now go on then, my little agents! Dance, dance for me! I know you can! And make sure to cover your tracks, because remember…”_

Black Hat leaned in close to the camera.

**_“I. See. All.”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohoho! and so our heroes- ahem, sorry- villains begin the next stage of their journey! 
> 
> stay tuned for chapter 12!


	12. Gold Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dementia comes up with a plan to retrieve Flug's stolen car. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys,,,, we're almost at the end??? 
> 
> i'll be kinda sad when this fic is over tbh, it was fun writing it and even more fun seeing your reactions ;; i'm so glad to see that people are enjoying the story of a trio of losers and a poor innocent bear that somehow got dragged along.
> 
> this chapter features fast food, black hat and dementia's flawless planning abilities, and of course, what you all came here for- some absolutely terrible quality paperhat.
> 
> please enjoy!

While Flug brooded and muttered to himself on the park bench with 5.0.5, and Black Hat stood off in the shadows trying not to pop a blood vessel, Dementia idly swung back and forth from a tree branch, seemingly unbothered by their newfound predicament. “So… how exactly do we go about tracking this person? I mean, I’ve got a pretty good nose, but with all the other scents it’s hard to focus in on just the one.”

“5.0.5 has an even better nose, but it’s probably more sensitive,” Flug noted from the bench, resting his chin in his hand. 

“You’d think that stealing a car in the city would be difficult, but given the abundance of people and the tight spaces, it might actually be ideal if you know what you’re doing,” Black Hat mused quietly to himself, foot tapping against the grass.

Flug suddenly stood up from the bench. “Sir, you can’t seriously be admiring the guy that stole my car!” he whined.

Black Hat laughed. “Of course not! But I have to admit, it takes quite the pair to steal from me. I’d commend him if it weren’t such a colossally idiotic move.”

“Hold up, how do you know it’s a guy?” Dementia asked. “Could’ve been a chick!”

Black Hat’s tongue flicked out again. “No, definitely male. That much I can tell.”

Flug looked between the two of them, suddenly feeling terribly, inexplicably sorry for himself. “Do… all of you have advanced senses except me?”

Black Hat and Dementia exchanged multiple glances with each other before nodding simultaneously.

Flug sighed dejectedly. “Then what good am I in tracking this guy down? My car is gone, and we can’t teleport without an exact destination in mind, so what are we supposed to do? Walk?”

“I think you’re forgetting one crucial detail: right now the city is going to be on high alert searching for us. I know last time was staged, but if we go out there on foot, we might get arrested _for real_ this time,” Black Hat pointed out. "I mean, _I_ wouldn't, but you three would," he corrected.

“Should we split up then?” Dementia suggested. “Think about it- we could cover more ground. Fives has a good nose- he could go with Flug and help him track. Besides, it might help us concentrate if there’s less scents around to distract us.”

“That’s… actually not a terrible idea,” Black Hat said, and in a rare moment of praise, turned to face her. “For once you said something that actually made sense, Dementia. Gold star for you.”

Dementia fist-pumped victoriously. “Ha! See that, nerd? I got a gold star! How many gold stars do _you_ have?”

Flug’s eye twitched. He wasn't sure why, but there was a deep, nagging sensation in his gut telling him to ask Black Hat why _he_ didn't have any gold stars. 

“Sir, with all due respect, given our current situation, _that’s a terrible plan!_ If one of us gets caught, what do we do?!”

“Uh… beat them up?” Dementia said as if it were obvious.

Black Hat seemed to be in agreement, nodding along with her. “Can’t you hold your own in a fight Flug? Besides, you’ve got the bear to protect you.”

“I mean- I’ve got my ray gun, yeah, but you know what the doctors said- Fives wouldn’t hurt a fly! Besides, I…” In a rare moment of self-consciousness, Flug’s voice deflated. “I’m not like you or Dementia. I don’t have powers. If I get caught, then you and Dementia would have to come rescue me…”

“Bold of you to assume we’d rescue you,” Dementia muttered with a snicker.

Black Hat heaved a long, heavy sigh. "I can't believe you're making me say this."

"I'm not making you say anything-" 

"I _saw_ the way you fought against those experiments in the lab," he continued on, as if Flug hadn't said anything. "I _really_ can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re surprisingly… _capable._ For a human, anyway. Your lot is terribly incompetent but you... can do well enough, even if it is terribly mediocre and pitiful in every sense..." 

He trailed off, unsure of where to go from there. 

Flug’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “Sir…” he said through sniffles. “Wow… you really think so..?”

“Crybaby,” Dementia grumbled.

Black Hat cringed. He _knew_ he would end up regretting this. “Ugh, would you stop with the tears already? You’re worse than a child, honestly!”

“Sorry!” Flug said, reaching under his bag to wipe at his face. “I’m sorry, I just… I wasn’t expecting to hear that from you…”

“Has anyone ever told you that before, Flug?”

“…No…”

“Color me shocked,” he grumbled with a roll of his eye. “Fine. What’s _your_ plan then, doctor?” 

“W-Well…” Flug trailed off, playing with the hem of his labcoat.

“You don’t have one, do you?” Black Hat grumbled flatly. 

Flug swallowed heavily. “There’s a tracking device on my laptop, but I’m pretty sure that they deactivated it. I imagine that they’re expecting us to come back for the car and will probably use it to lure us into a trap.” 

“Right then.” Black Hat clapped his hands together. “Back to Plan A.”

Dementia silently fist-pumped in victory.

“Dementia, you take the west part of the city. Flug and the bear, you take south. I’ll take the north and the east. We search for any signs of the vehicle or the fool that took it. If any of you find the car, call for me- I’ll hear it. If you happen to find the driver, capture him- _alive_. We’ll bring him too and have an interrogation. Any questions?”

Dementia eagerly raised her hand.

“Yes, Dementia?”

“Can I hit up Burger King? It’s on the west side of the city!”

Too frustrated to argue, Black Hat waved a dismissive hand. “So long as you’re quick about it. And as much as it pains me to say this, _pay_ for your food- with cash. The police are already looking for us, better not give them any more clues.”

“I’ve been trapped in a lab for the past like, month. No cash.”

“Flug, give her some money so she’ll stop her incessant whining.”

“Why should I have to give her _my_ money for _food?”_

“Because I said so, now chop-chop! We don’t have all night!”

Flug grumbled something inaudible under his breath and dug into his pocket in search of his wallet. With a sigh of resignation he pulled out a $20 and handed it to Dementia.

“I’ll get you a whopper,” she said as she snatched the money from him and stuffed it down her shirt.

“Fuck you.”

“Fine then, no whopper for you.”

“…No, wait, make it a combo please. With a diet Dr. Pepper-”

 _“Anyway-“_ Black Hat smoothly interrupted. “Meet back here in an hour- we don’t have any more time than that to spare. If you aren’t back within that time then I’ll assume that you’ve been captured. And then, after recovering the stolen data, I’ll begin my search for new employees.”

“Sir,” Flug started nervously, “you won’t really-“

“GET A MOVE ON YOU INSUFFERABLE TWATS!”

_“Yes sir!”_

* * *

“I’m a highly wanted criminal now, you know? I have a price on my head and here I am out in the open with a giant blue bear,” Flug grumbled to himself.

5.0.5 made an offended noise, mumbling something that sounded like "hmph" before folding his arms across his chest.

“I’m sorry bud,” Flug said through a sigh. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that I really don’t like this plan- I don’t think it’s a good idea. But… I also don’t have any better plans, so… I can’t really object.”

He hated this feeling. He always had a plan- always- so to suddenly not have one was something he never wanted to experience again. For the first time in his life, he really, _truly_ didn't know what to do. Which meant that in this case, planning was left up to Black Hat and Dementia. And although Black Hat would deny it until he was blue in the face, the fact was that the two of them had more in common than he realized, and they could end up causing some pretty serious chaos without Flug around to keep them in check. 

Not that Black Hat could ever truly be kept in check. 

“Black Hat briefly caught his scent, but that’s all we really have to go on. Can you smell him at all?”

505 poked his nose up into the air, sniffing quietly, before shaking his head with a sad whimper.

“Well then, in any case, we should pick up the pace. Even going as fast as we can there’s no way we’ll cover the whole south end of the city in an hour, but… time isn’t really on our side right now, so we’ll have to do the best we can. Can you run on all fours, 5.0.5?”

5.0.5 nodded and dropped down.

Flug hesitantly climbed onto his back. Given that 5.0.5 was an experiment, he wasn’t sure how fast he could run, but wouldn’t doubt that it was rather fast- probably faster than a normal bear. “Alright Fives, we’re just gonna keep going straight unless you catch his scent. And, um- I don’t really have a saddle or anything, so… please don’t let me fall off.”

5.0.5 nodded dutifully. Flug dug his hands into his thick blue fur and held on for dear life.

* * *

Dementia wasn’t sure, but it felt like the better part of an hour had passed. She had moved cautiously through the shadows of the city, crawling along the walls, observing on the tops of buildings, weaving seamlessly through the crowded sidewalks. Yet she had not caught even a single whiff of the driver’s scent, nor had she spotted Flug’s (admittedly adorkable) car. Whoever this guy was, he clearly had experience.

She was particularly good at tracking other people. She’d been doing it for Black Hat ever since the night they met. She was his first unofficial-but-about-to-be-official employee, and she hadn’t failed him yet. She certainly wasn’t going to start now.

…But, she also had a time limit this time around, whereas before she could be gone on hunts as long as she wanted, so long as she got the job done. If she didn’t return within an hour, Black Hat would not be pleased. The last thing she wanted was to upset him- although even she recognized that he was impossible to satisfy.

That’s why she was determined to one day make him so thrilled that he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

Wherever she found the car, she’d likely find the driver nearby- that much she knew. There was no way he had abandoned it yet. And it would be even better if he happened to lead her straight to his hideout- where he and the rest of the agents she’d started picking off were located. She could only imagine Black Hat’s reaction if she managed to discover and dismantle the entirety of Men Without Hats in a single evening. He’d definitely praise her, tell her that she did a fantastic job and that she should be rewarded for such an excellent performance-

Before she could fantasize further, her body took that moment to remind her that she was starving- it had been well over twelve hours since she’d eaten anything. If she had it her way she’d just take out an unsuspecting citizen for a quick meal, but given their predicament, she guessed that that wouldn’t be very smart.

She reached into her shirt and then her bra, pulled out the rumpled twenty dollar bill, before shrugging and stuffing it back in. “Who am I kidding? I’m not gonna need this.”

With a maniacal grin, she began scuttling along the streets in search of the nearby Burger King.

* * *

With his powers now effectively back in order, searching the north and eastern sections of the city hadn’t taken anywhere near an hour. But, given that his subordinates were not him, he knew they would need all the time they could get.

Even his advanced senses had failed to detect the car or the driver. Whoever this guy was, he covered his tracks pretty well, like he had expected to be followed. Black Hat should’ve guessed that they’d send an elite agent to carry out a mission like this.

Damn it. He should have had Dementia get rid of him when he had the chance.

Black Hat looked over at one of the antique clocks decorating the park. He impatiently tapped his foot as he rose from the bench, admittedly only half-expecting them to return. But, shockingly enough, Flug and the useless bear returned first- approximately two minutes and fifty three seconds early.

“Since you returned with no car and no thief, I presume you didn’t have any luck?”

Flug shook his head. “No sir. I’m sorry. Perhaps if we had longer than an hour to search…”

Black Hat shook his head. “Can’t risk it- not right now anyways.”

“Right.”

A few more moments passed and Dementia came swooping down from a tree, bags of food and drinks in her hands.

“Guess who came bearing gifts?” she announced excitedly as she landed on her feet, proudly displaying the greasy bags.

“I don’t eat that slop,” Black Hat said with a roll of his eye.

“It’s not for you silly, it’s for us humans. Here, Flug, your _slop.”_

Flug just barely managed to catch the bag as it was tossed to him. To avoid Dementia ruining his drink (even more than she already had- the lid was busted and about half of it was gone from her careless maneuvering), he quickly took it from her hand as she sat down on the bench to tear into her own food.

Black Hat let out an overly dramatic sigh, shoulders slumping in faux disappointment. “Could’ve at least brought me the soul of a pathetic minimum wage employee.”

Dementia gasped in horror, her mouth falling open, her face shifting into a mortified expression. “Honey-bun, you’re right! I’m so sorry, I should’ve thought of you! What do you want? I’ll go get it right now!”

Flug shot Black Hat a glare. “Dementia. He’s messing with you.”

Before Dementia could react, Black Hat cleared his throat. “This has been a long, _unsuccessful_ night. Let’s just- get back to my place, please.”

* * *

The second time around, traveling by teleportation wasn’t as bad. The nausea waves passed in about thirty seconds and Flug was, thankfully, well again within a minute.

 _“Whoa!”_ Dementia exclaimed in wonder. “Look at this place! It’s so cool!”

Flug had to admit- it was _super_ cool. The hat-shaped mansion was- no surprise- completely habitable, and inside, it was every bit like the kind of place Black Hat would live in. Completely doused in red and black, very reminiscent of the gothic Victorian era that Black Hat seemed so fond of. The hallways were adorned with pictures and paintings of himself- but some were faded or blacked out, so he couldn’t really make out what they were meant to be.

Flug loved it. He loved everything about this place- his future home.

“Well, I suppose since we’re here I should get the tour out of the way. This is the kitchen- it’s on the second floor. Bathrooms are available on every floor. My office is on the third floor, and it is the _only_ room on the third floor that you will be permitted to enter with my permission. Flug- your lab is on the first floor, I’ll show you there and give you the full tour later.”

Dementia raised her hand. “Ooh! Can we pick our rooms now?!”

“Dementia, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re in a bit of a crisis right now. That will come later. Just- eat your slop so we can come up with a plan.”

Dementia, not being one to turn down food under any circumstances, seated herself at the table without any hesitation and eagerly began digging into her food like a ravenous animal.

Flug, on the other hand, with a bit more reservation than Dementia, shyly seated himself across from her and pulled his own food out of the bag.

Black Hat’s eye flitted over to where Flug was sitting, and couldn’t help but snicker when he noticed him pulling the tomatoes off of his burger.

Flug, having noticed his staring, laughed nervously. “I, um- I don’t like tomatoes…”

“I see that. I just didn’t think you were much into red meat.”

“I’m not,” he said. “A burger would be my last choice, actually. But, I was hungry, so… take what I can get, you know?”

Black Hat rolled his eye dramatically. “Oh, of course, because working for me is the same as being a dirty street mongrel that doesn’t get fed.”

“Sir,” Flug whined as he bit into a french fry, “please. You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Sure.”

Flug then proceeded to eat in silence, with the only noises in the room being Dementia’s chewing and strangely erotic moaning every time she took a bite of a french fry.

Black Hat hit his limit relatively quickly. His neck cracked sickeningly as he turned to look at her. “Dementia, _dear_ , go pick out your room, will you?”

After nearly melting into a puddle upon hearing the pet name, Dementia nodded eagerly and skipped off in search of her future bedroom.

“Remember what I said- do _not_ go near the third floor or I’ll make you choke on your tongue!”

“I’d rather choke on your-“

**_“DEMENTIA!”_ **

“Alright, alright, I’m going now!”

“Does that woman not have any decency?” Black Hat grumbled through an angry huff as she hurried out the door, cackling all the way.

Flug fumbled with his sleeves. “Do you… really have any room to talk, sir?”

“…Fair enough. Speaking of indecency…” Black Hat’s voice tapered off as he suddenly leaned over the table, drawing closer to Flug.

“U-Um…” Flug stammered, cheeks growing hotter by the second as Black Hat approached him with anything but innocent intent. “S-Sir..?”

“I know you’ve been thinking about it,” he drawled, raking his gaze over Flug with his hooded eye.

“Thinking? A-About what..?”

“Don’t play dumb, doctor. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Flug _did_ know exactly what he was talking about. He just didn’t think he’d ever get to bring it up again. Come to think of it- was this really happening? “I-I…”

 _“Aww,”_ Black Hat cooed, “don’t tell me you’re getting shy on me now… not when you seemed so _eager_ then…”

Flug frantically searched his brain for excuses- even though it was something he really, _really_ didn’t want to get out of. “U-Um, Dementia could come back any minute…”

“I know, does that not make it all the more exciting? If Dementia’s the wife, that sort of makes me your mistress.”

“Wouldn’t _I_ be the mistress?”

“If you’d like to be, shall we get started on that now?”

“N-Now..?!” Flug sputtered as Black Hat only continued to draw closer, posed over the table in a way that was anything but innocent.

Black Hat tilted his head, meeting Flug's curious gaze with a hot intensity. His hand slipped beneath the bag- gripping his chin with the gentleness of a lover. Flug relaxed into the touch. Maybe it was stupid- a completely crazy idea for a multitude of reasons. But Flug had grown accustomed to crazy as of late- and he wasn’t minding it as much as he used to.

Black Hat was the kind of crazy he wanted to indulge in, to get lost in forever.

But the warmth was gone almost as soon as it came. Black Hat quickly drew back, seating himself in the chair once more like he hadn’t moved at all.

Flustered and dazed, Flug blinked rapidly in an attempt to process what had just happened. “Um… sir..?”

Black Hat managed a straight face for all of about three seconds before he broke into a fit of maniacal cackles. “Y-You should see your face!”

“You…” Flug started, his voice faltering, “You… weren’t serious..?”

Black Hat wiped a tear from his eye. “Of course I wasn’t! I thought you knew!”

“…No,” Flug said quietly, lowering his gaze. “I… I thought…”

Black Hat seemed to pick up on Flug's suddenly dampened mood- and it was pissing him off.  _"Flug,"_ he said through dying laughter, “surely you can’t have-“

“Well what was I supposed to think?!” he snapped back. “A-After what happened I thought… I thought you… that you and I…”

“You thought what? That we were in _love?”_ Black Hat retorted sardonically, letting out a dry, bitter laugh. 

“N-No, of course not! But I thought… I thought that you…” As if coming to some sort of realization, Flug abruptly cut himself off. “Nevermind. Clearly I was stupid to think that.”

Black Hat’s playful mood had been replaced by something sour and stormy. “You ought to get your head out of the clouds, Flug,” he warned. “The only reason I bothered with showing you any affection-“

“-was to try and manipulate me,” Flug interrupted. “Yes. I know. I understand. I’m sorry for misreading the situation, sir. This is my fault.”

Black Hat opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, to launch into some long rant about how Flug could ever think that he could harbor any affection for him, but then closed it again before muttering a halfhearted “Of course it is…”

Flug stood up, the chair sliding out from underneath him. “Well, if it’s alright with you, I’d like to go pick my room now sir.”

“…Right. Yes. Go do that.”

Flug nodded, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. He collected what little things he had and went off in search of his room, before a thought occurred to him that made him pause.

“…Black Hat?”

“What?”

“Um… did you…”

“Out with it, Flug.”

“Ah, it’s… nothing. Nevermind.” He flashed the demon a soft smile. “Goodnight sir.”

Black Hat watched him leave, and couldn’t shake the feeling that there were definitely things Flug wasn’t telling him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter actually had one more scene at the end, but i felt better ending it where i did, so i moved it to the beginning of the next chapter- that's why this chapter is a bit shorter than usual. 
> 
> ngl i mostly included the scene where they split up bc i wanted to write dementia and flug fighting over burger king. it popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone. 
> 
> oh yeah and uh sorry about the unexpected angst. there is a little bit of that in this fic! (but not too much bc i don't want to make myself sad) 
> 
> (ps: whoever catches the tiny reference in this chapter gets a cookie!) 
> 
> *narrator voice* can black hat and the gang come up with a new plan to retrieve all of the stolen information? will flug and black hat EVER resolve their overabundance of sexual tension? find out in the next exciting chapter!


	13. Good Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang comes up with a plan. Dementia and Flug bond over talking about past relationships. Black Hat attempts to change the terms of his deal with Flug to discover what he's hiding from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! sorry for the delay. it's been quite the crazy week and my head hasn't exactly been in a good space, but i'm calmer now and ready to get rolling again with chapter 13! 
> 
> also one quick announcement in case you guys didn't see it on my tumblr- you may have noticed the rating change from 'M' to 'E'. that is because there is a smut scene in the epilogue that i initially was going to leave out but after some reconsideration have decided to include. i just wanted you all to have a head's up- and for those who aren't comfortable with nsfw, feel free to stop reading at chapter 15- you won't miss anything important. 
> 
> anyhow, without any further adieu, i bring you chapter thirteen!

"Alright bitches and Lord Black Hat," Dementia said as she swung her legs up onto the table, leaning back in her chair. "What's the plan?" 

"I sincerely hope you fall out of that chair," Flug grumbled as he turned to a clean page in his notebook.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Eat me, jackass." 

"It would be quite hilarious, actually," Black Hat chimed in with a smirk. 

505 then had to proceed to stop Dementia from purposely falling out of her chair. 

_"Anyway,"_ Flug cut in before their meeting could derail, "we need to come up with a proper plan. Anyone have any ideas?" 

"What is it with you and  _plans?"_ Dementia asked. "You do realize that no matter what plan we come up with, they'll have a counter for it, right?" 

"She makes a good point," Black Hat reasoned, "they are an elite hero organization- I doubt there's a scenario they're not prepared for." 

Flug threw his hands up in exasperation. "So you're saying that we should just have no plan? That it doesn't matter?" 

"Pretty much." She then let out a long yawn.

Flug's eye twitched. "Am I the only one taking this seriously?"  

505 shook his head and waved his paw eagerly. Flug was pretty sure that it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen in his life. 

Black Hat placed a hand on his chest, assuming his most gentlemanly position. Flug had learned to recognize his _"I'm trying to charm you so you don't notice my bullshit"_ poses. "I assure you Flug, I'm taking this _very_ seriously." 

"Oh yes, definitely. That's why you're filling out tax forms while we're in the middle of what _you_ described as a _crisis."_  

Black Hat tapped his pen against the paper and shot him a knowing look. "Taxes don't wait for anyone Flug, not even villains." 

"We're villains, though. Wouldn't tax evasion be on brand for us?" Dementia wondered aloud, drumming her fingers against the table. 

"Well, you see-" 

Flug cut him off before he could launch into some terribly boring monologue. Frustrated, he stood up, recalling again why he had been angry with them. "You know what? Fine. If none of you guys care, then I don't either. We'll just- _wing it,_ I guess." 

Black Hat set down his pen and let out an exasperated sigh. "Flug, I already _have_ a plan you dimwit." 

"Oh? And when were you going to tell me this plan?" 

"I won't tell you at all if you keep giving me attitude." 

"You know, you two always look like you're on the verge of either fucking or fighting, and it creeps me out." Suddenly interested, Dementia put both feet on the floor and scooted in close. "So who's neck am I breaking?" 

Flug, who appeared to have calmed down on the outside, was letting out the longest string of curses inside his head at full volume.

"I can assure you both," Black Hat said as his trademark grin spread across his face, "that this plan will be quite... _explosive."_  

* * *

Black Hat had said that he would give Flug a personal tour of the lab later, but he didn’t want to be kept waiting any longer. Besides, he thought he was well deserving of some time on his own. So in the early hours of the day, he got up, got himself ready, and set out to explore the lab.

The lab was, for lack of a better term- _huge_. It was stocked full of any and every possible tool or material that Flug would ever need. Was anything off-limits? Flug took his time looking through every cabinet and drawer, marveling at the materials he had at his disposal. For the first time in his life, he could create _whatever he wanted_.

God, there was even a room to keep test subjects!

“This is so cool,” he whispered out-loud, giggling to himself like a kid in a candy store.

“You just couldn’t wait, could you?”

Flug nearly jumped out of his own skin. “B-Black Hat! U-Um… what are you doing up..?”

Black Hat rolled his eye. “I don’t sleep, you dolt. I heard noises down here and came to investigate. I thought I told you I would give you a tour later.”

“I-I know you did sir, forgive me, but I got excited. I-I really wanted to check it out…”

_“And preferably not with you,”_ he didn’t say.

Black Hat straightened, his eye narrowing suspiciously. “Flug, something tells me you don’t want me here.”

Flug’s heart thudded against his ribcage- had Black Hat read his thoughts? “I-I… what makes you think that sir..?”

“You’re giving off a vibe,” Black Hat explained. “You’re not going to give me trouble now, are you doctor?”

“N-No, of course not! I’m… I’m happy to have you here, sir.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie, no matter how much it might hurt him at the moment. Despite everything, whatever feelings he’d developed for his monster of a boss hadn’t changed.

“Good. Well then, since you’re already here, any questions?”

Flug thought it better to focus on the lab for now- and not his boss. “Um… is all of this stuff mine?”

Black Hat held out a hand, gesturing to the entirety of the room. “Of course. Everything you see here is free for you to use to your heart’s content. If there’s something you need that isn’t here, then all you need to do is ask.”

“I… really? Nothing’s off limits?”

Black Hat laughed. “Of course not. I can get my hands on _anything.”_

“I-I see… and what about, like… test subjects?”

Black Hat hummed in thought. “…That can be one of Dementia’s jobs- fetching you labrats.”

“O-Of course… um, what about-“

Black Hat held up a hand. “No more questions.”

“S-Sorry sir…”

A brief but awkward silence fell between them as Flug absentmindedly toyed with one of the beakers.

“...You do that quite a lot.”

“Do what, sir?”

“Apologize.”

Black Hat was as observant as ever- even after escaping the lab, he was still sharp. “Oh, um… I guess you could say it’s a bit of a habit. I’ve done it ever since I was a kid.”

“Well, stop it. It’s annoying.”

“Sorry- er, uh…” Flug sheepishly lowered his head. “Right… I’ll work on that…”

“You’d better.”

“Good morning handsome!” a familiar feminine voice chirped. “Oh, you’re here too nerd-boy. You two are up bright and early!”

She entered the room looking like she’d ran a mile, her hair tousled and a thin sheen of sweat coating her face. In her right hand was a slushy and hanging on her left arm was a variety of bags.

“Dementia… where did you get that?” Flug asked hesitantly.

“The slushy’s from 7-11.”

“…I think he was referring to the _other_ items, Dementia.”

“Oh!” Dementia lifted up her arm. “Yeah. These. These three are from Hot Topic, this one is Bath and Body Works- they have this kickass perfume that I like- and this one is from the Dollar Store. Why?”

“Dementia, it’s six in the morning, when did you leave to go shopping?”

“And more importantly,” Black Hat cut in, _“why?! How?!”_

“Uh, well… I didn’t really have any clothes since all my outfits were given to me by the doctors at the lab, so I went out and got some. As for how, I jacked one of the old ships I found in the basement. There aren’t any stores around here with cute clothes so I figured Atreno might have some stores I could hit up.”

Dumbfounded, Flug found himself simply staring at her, amazed at the fact that _she_ had piloted an aircraft and lived. “Uh-huh… and how did you pilot a ship by yourself?” he asked.

“I’m not a total idiot. It’s like drivin’ a car!” she said before taking a sip of her slushy.

“Do you even have your license?”

“Do _you?”_

“Um… yes?”

“Lame.”

Flug sighed. “…You crashed the ship, didn’t you?”

Dementia lowered her head, lightly kicking at the floor. “…I may or may not have crashed it into that lovely elderly couple’s house a few blocks over.”

“The Jenkins were the only people I could tolerate on this island. How unfortunate,” Black Hat muttered to himself.

“That was the loud boom that 5.0.5 heard last night!" Flug shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at her. "Ugh, how did you even buy all that stuff anyway?!”

“Ha. You think I bought these. That’s cute.”

“Dementia!” Black Hat shouted. “Are you a fool?! You are _wanted_ by the police right now- this is no time to be committing petty thievery!”

“Come on, I thought you liked thievery!” she whined.

“Yes- thievery of priceless artifacts- not useless Hot Topical garbage!”

“Hot Topic, sir,” Flug meekly corrected. “It’s Hot Topic.”

“Correct me again, Flug. See what happens.”

“Got it sir,” Flug squeaked.

Black Hat’s neck cracked viciously as he turned to focus his attention on Dementia. “As for _you_. You cannot be trusted to be on your own at night. Flug, arrange a _new room_ for her.”

“Aww, come on!” Dementia whined again. “I’m sorry boss! I just wanted some new clothes!”

“W-With all due respect sir, Dementia is kind of right. I mean- all of my clothes are still back at my old place- along with everything else. Come to think of it- I guess I’d better go break my lease…”

“Oh, of course!” Black Hat smiled a sickeningly sweet smile. “My apologies. It’s just that Men Without Hats has all of the data I stole from them- but yes, you’re right Flug, your **_clothes are far more important!”_**

There was this little thing that Flug did, that Black Hat couldn’t stand. He’d done it ever since they met in the lab. He’d give him this look, this look that seemed to imply that he was being ridiculous. Flug would never dare say it out-loud, but from that look alone, Black Hat could tell he was thinking it, and that was enough.

"Sir," Flug said, "just yesterday you were talking about how this wasn't a big deal-" 

_“Fine,"_ Black Hat said, cutting him off. "Flug, take one of the old ships and go get your things. You’d _better_ be back here before sunset.”

“Old ships?”

“Of course. You’re not the first scientist I’ve had. Go down to the basement level- there’s a tunnel that will lead you to where the ships are located.”

Flug made a mental note to ask about Black Hat’s previous employees later.

* * *

“You’re _kidding_ me.”

“Oh no, I’m dead serious.”

“But there’s no bed!”

“Don’t give me that, you could sleep on a rock.”

Dementia huffed in defeat, silently mourning the loss of her former bedroom.

Flug shrugged. “Sorry Dem, it’s the boss’ orders. He tried giving you a room, you couldn’t handle it, so welcome to your new room.”

“I've been wondering- why does the boss like you so much?” she asked idly.

Caught off guard by the question, Flug just barely managed to keep himself from tripping over nothing. “...He doesn’t. What are you talking about?”

“He _totally_ does- and I don’t get it! Just a few weeks ago you were trying to kill him, and now he trusts you with being the vice president of the company? What’s up with that?! I’ve known him longer than you have!”

Flug got the sneaking suspicion that she was just the _tiniest_ bit jealous- and couldn’t help but tease her a bit. “Maybe I’m just more reliable?”

“Pfft. Whatever.”

Flug laughed lightly. “…To answer your question, I really don’t know. But I think he knew that I never really would’ve killed him, even if I could’ve. I think… I think that’s why he chose me.”

Dementia jumped up onto her new metal bed, cringing slightly at the coolness of it. “You really wouldn’t have killed him if you had the chance? Even if it meant you could fly your nerdy planes or whatever?”

“…No,” Flug said, shaking his head. “I mean, now I can fly planes whenever I want. I’m not much of a believer in fate, but I think, in the end… I was always going to choose him, too. One way or another.”

“Hey!” Dementia shouted angrily, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “Don’t go getting any ideas! He’s MINE!”

Flug threw his hands up defensively. “It-It’s not like that! That kiss… didn’t even mean anything. So it’s fine…”

Dementia huffed and settled back down onto the metal bed, crossing her legs. “…You look kinda sad, you know.”

“Do I?” Flug laughed nervously- he knew all too well what she was referring to, and knew he had to tread lightly so as not to set her off. “I’m not, honestly. We’re villains, after all. The whole love thing isn’t for us- at least, it’s not for me, anyway, and it’s _definitely_ not for Black Hat.”

“I always thought that rule was dumb,” Dementia confessed. “Some of the best couples in history are villains.”

“Careful," Flug warned, "Black Hat might murder you for saying that.”

Dementia waved him off. “Oh please! I’m gonna be his exception to the ‘no love’ rule! Just you wait!”

Flug smiled softly- he couldn't help but admire her determination, even if it was only likely to get her hurt in the end. There was something that was so strangely sweet about her devotion to him- something that set her apart from his countless admirers. “Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell Black Hat?”

Dementia shrugged. “That’s your risk, man.”

“Fine then, I guess I’ll keep it to myself.”

She leaped off the bed, bouncing up and down like a kid on a sugar high. “No, now I wanna know! I promise, I promise! I won’t tell Black Hat, tell me!”

Flug was still a bit unsure, but he knew that now that he said it, Dementia wouldn’t leave him alone until he caved.

“I always thought that rule was kind of dumb, too. I mean, sure, love as a concept is unappealing and gross, but… it’s a motivator, too. For heroes and villains alike. When used correctly, it can be a great weapon.”

“Then in that case, have you ever had a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?”

Flug blushed at the abrupt question. He wasn't sure why Dementia was suddenly so interested in his past- it was slightly alarming. “Oh, uh… well… before I started getting into villainy professionally, in high school there was this girl… I think she mostly just felt bad for me, but she would help me when I was… you know,getting picked on.”

Dementia faked a surprised gasp. “You got picked on?! No way!”

“Oh stop it. Trust me, they got what was coming to them. In any case… that relationship lasted a long time. I know she wasn’t… that she didn’t really like me like that, but… it was the first time anyone had ever treated me like… like I was important. So I didn’t care.”

“What did she look like? Was she cute?” she asked.

Flug narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her. “U-Uh… yeah? I thought she was, anyway.”

“Oh. I thought she would’ve been ugly.”

_“Dementia!”_

She looked offended, as if she didn’t understand what she said that was so wrong. “What? You hide your face; I didn’t think your standards were all that high!”

He was still wearing the bag, but for a brief moment, Flug felt oddly exposed. “My face wasn’t- nevermind. And for your information, I _do_ have standards!”

“Oh really? So what’s your ideal gal? Or guy?”

“You know, I never even _told_ you my sexuality and you just assumed-“

“You made out with Black Hat and liked it.”

“…Oh. Right. Yeah.”

“So? I’ll start if you want. My ideal guy? Tall, like super tall, a really sexy voice, nicely dressed- _definitely_ has to be wearing a top hat-“

“You’re literally just describing Black Hat.”

“So you agree that he has a sexy voice?”

“I-“ Flug paused, his words getting stuck in his throat once he realized what she’d said. “I-I don’t know, I mean I… it’s… it’s nice I guess… when he’s not yelling at me…”

“Ugh,” she said, scrunching up her nose in disgust. “You’re so smitten that it’s painful even for me. Your turn!” she exclaimed, pointing a finger at him. “Pretend that love as a concept isn’t ‘unappealing and gross’ and humor me for a minute.”

“Well… I think, for me… hypothetically speaking of course, and assuming I’d ever have an interest in love in the first place… I’d want someone who was… patient. Kind. Bold. Someone who sees value in me for who I am-“

“No no you dummy, I’m not talking about that mushy shit, tell me about the physical!”

“Dementia!” Flug’s cheeks warmed again. “I-Isn’t that kind of personal..?”

“Oh come on, it’s just us!”

“Why are you so interested anyway?”

“Cause we’re, like…” She fiddled with the spikes on her bracelet. “You know… _friends_ now or whatever. Friends talk about this kind of stuff.”

“Oh, so you admit you like me?” Flug teased.

Dementia playfully punched his arm. “Shut up.”

Flug rubbed at his arm- she’d punched just a little too hard, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment. “…Hey, before… at the lab… I know you got close to me to get information, but… did you, I mean-“

“Did I like hanging out with you?”

Flug nodded slowly.

“I dunno, you weren’t so bad I guess,” she said. “Speaking of that- you owe me a game of Mario Kart!”

“You’re still on about that?”

“Duh! I didn’t show you guys but one of the things I, uh… _grabbed_ while I was out was a Nintendo Switch! And, I figured that while I was in the GameStop I’d help myself to Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and Super Mario Odyssey.”

Flug couldn’t help but smile- he had to admit, there was never a boring conversation when Dementia was around. “Well, I’ll have to take you up on that another time- I have to finish these bombs for our plan.”

Dementia seemed to perk up at the mention of explosives. “Oh man, I can't wait!"

"Remember Dementia, you can't mess this up! You play a critical role in the plan’s success-”

“Damn straight I do!” she exclaimed, punching the air.

“I just hope Black Hat doesn’t kill me before we can execute the plan…” Flug mumbled quietly to himself.

“Honestly? A valid fear.”

Dementia placed her hand on his shoulder as an act of comfort, and for some odd reason Flug wanted to break down into tears.

* * *

Black Hat, the great evil abomination, was brooding.

Contrary to popular belief, brooding was not something he did often. Brooding was a pitifully heroic thing to do, in his opinion. What many others called ‘brooding’, he called ‘plotting the demise of the human race’. There was quite a difference.

But right now, as he sat in his office alone sipping red wine from a crystal glass with a pink umbrella in it, he was brooding.

It took quite a few bottles of the strongest liquor to get Black Hat anywhere near intoxicated, but he liked the taste enough to have it as a casual drink. So as he swirled his drink around the glass, staring down at his reflection, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander a bit- otherwise known as ‘brooding’. Ugh.

But he wasn’t brooding over their big plan- no, he had no worries about that. While he never underestimated heroes, he had no doubts that they would succeed, one way or another, and if that meant Black Hat stepping in then so be it.

No, his traitorous thoughts were lingering _elsewhere_.

Flug was, without a doubt, keeping something from him. And frankly, it was starting to piss him off.

No one kept secrets in this house- the only one allowed to have secrets was Black Hat.

He wasn’t sure why he was so bothered with whatever thing the pitiful little human was hiding- it probably wasn’t even remotely important. But there was a burning curiosity that he couldn’t deny- and he knew Flug was not a simple man. 

But his brooding came to an end when a devilish idea crept up on him. His signature grin stretched across his face as he quickly downed the rest of his drink and vanished in search of Flug.

He was going to go get some answers.

He found Flug tinkering in the lab, most likely finishing up with putting the bombs together. 

"Lord Black Hat," Flug said, apparently having noticed his presence before he could make himself known, "to what do I owe the pleasure?" 

"Don't call me 'lord' unless we're fucking," Black Hat grumbled. "It's odd coming from you." 

Flug was, once again, _very_ grateful for the bag. "Right... um, so what did you need..?" 

"The terms of our deal are not satisfying to me anymore. I wish to change them."

Flug set down his materials. “You want… what?”

“I want to change our arrangement- to spice things up a little bit,” Black Hat explained. “Our deal was put on hold after our interruption, but if it’s not too late, I’d like to add one _little_ thing to it.”

Intrigued, Flug decided to hear him out. “Alright. What would you like to add?”

“You must take me for some sort of fool, because I can clearly tell that there’s something on your mind. I haven’t pressed you on it since there are more important matters at hand right now, but if you want me to spill my guts to you about what I am, then I think I deserve to know what you’ve been keeping from me. It’s only fair, isn’t it?”

Oh.

_Oh no._

“I-I…” he stuttered, his heart thudding harshly in his chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh please!” Black Hat laughed. “Don’t try to play dumb! I know you know what I’m talking about. One way or another Flug, I’ll find out. It’d be much easier for you to just tell me.”

“Y-You don’t understand sir,” he said, “this isn’t something I can just… come out and say, I… it’s, um… it’s very personal.”

“…Personal?”

“Yes. Personal. I’d be embarrassed.”

“Do you think I care about your embarrassment?”

“I hoped you would?”

“Too bad. All you have to do is tell me your dirty little secret, and the deal remains. Otherwise, it’s off, and you don’t get to learn a single thing about me.”

“I think I’ve learned a lot about you,” Flug argued. “Just by observing you, and asking you the protocol questions.”

Amused, Black Hat quirked a brow. “Oh? Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“Well? What is it then? You seem awfully certain.”

Flug swallowed thickly. “W-Well… excluding the obvious fact that you are some sort of supernatural being… I learned that you have an affinity for the Victorian era of history, and despite your hatred of humans there are some things that they made that you really enjoyed- like red wine and top hats and the violin. You told me you can play the violin and the piano. You only wear the highest quality fabrics, and you only eat the best foods when the mood strikes you- although you’re not much into human food, you prefer souls. U-Um…” he paused to take a breath. “Do you want me to go on, sir..?”

Black Hat seemed rather taken aback by his response, his eye wide and his mouth parted so that his canines threatened to poke through. “You… got all that just from our time at the lab?”

Flug nodded as if it were obvious. “Of course. You did happen to talk a lot while we were there, and I know you thought I wasn’t listening, but I was… most of the time.”

“But… that information is hardly useful, why would you care about it?”

The doctor shrugged. “Because… it’s you? Of course, at the time I was holding onto every single piece of information you gave for… you know, less than good intentions, but… I still consider it valuable information because… I learned things about you that aren’t in the stories that everyone tells.”

“The stories..?”

“Oh yes, there are many stories that people who have met you tell about you!” Flug sheepishly ducked his head. “Um- when I was first learning about you, I read a lot of them online, but they all ultimately described you the same way. So when you told me all that stuff in the lab, there was a part of me that was happy, because… I felt like one of the few people in the world that knew those things about you.”

A strange sort of smile made its way across the demon’s face. “So you finally admit to being one of my fans.”

“I was,” he said freely. “And now I’m working for you. I’m living every fan’s dream.”

Black Hat had intended to end the conversation there, to say “forget it, it was a silly idea anyway”, but something drove him forward.

“…And is this information enough for you?”

“…Truthfully? No. It could never be enough- I’m always curious, always wanting to learn. While it’d be great to learn about your past and what you are exactly… I like learning the little things too.”

“But you’re content?”

Flug hummed thoughtfully. “Mm… I guess? Content enough, I suppose. I sort of have to be.”

“Why is it really that you don’t want to tell me what you’re hiding?”

Flug suddenly wished his paper bag would swallow him whole.

“Because I don’t think you’d forgive me if I told you the whole truth. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve forgiven myself yet.”

“Why do you care about receiving my forgiveness?” Black Hat asked.

“…The same reason I care about all the details you think are useless.”

“But you can’t tell me what that reason is?”

“It’s a secret. I know you’re a man full of secrets, but so am I.”

“You don’t seem like it.”

Flug laughed lightly, unbothered by the implied jab. “I don’t, and that’s why no one suspects a thing. Except you, of course. Nothing gets past you.”

“These little ‘details’ you admire so much may be enough for you,” Black Hat said, “but you haven’t given me much to work with.”

Flug’s eyes widened with genuine shock. “Wow, sir… I didn’t think you were interested.”

“I’m not. But it should be even. It’s rather unfair, that you know all of this about me and yet I don’t get to know much about you.”

“Maybe you can learn,” Flug suggested. “Like I did with you. Over time.”

“Oh please, don’t talk to me like you’re my teacher,” Black Hat grumbled, rolling his eye.

“I don’t mind the sound of that,” Flug replied. “Doesn’t ‘Professor Flug’ have a good ring to it, sir? That could be one of our services! A course for young villains. I could teach the class and everything!”

Black Hat resisted the urge to make a rather indecent joke and instead kept his face impassive. “I’ll consider it.”

“W-Wow, really?”

“If it’ll get you off my back about it, then yes.”

“I only just brought it up-“

Black Hat waved him off. “Whatever. Fine then, our deal will remain as is.”

Flug beamed. “Wow, really? So you’re still going to tell me stuff about your past?”

“Oh Flug, I was never going to tell you everything,” Black Hat said with a cruel snicker. “But if you do well on this mission, then yes. I’ll divulge some secrets as per our agreement. Deals are what my organization is based on, after all. I _always_ hold up my end of the bargain.”

“I expected no less from you sir,” Flug said earnestly. “I promise I won’t let you down. On this mission, I’ll prove to you that I deserve to be here!”

Black Hat couldn’t help but admire the young man’s determination. “I’ll hold you to that then, doctor.”

Just as he was about to turn and leave for the day, Flug’s voice stopped him again.

“Um, sir?”

“What?”

“…Thank you. For letting me keep my secret.”

At the unexpected statement of gratitude, Black Hat tensed ever so slightly, before his usual lazy grin crept up his face. “…Don’t get too excited, Flug. Perhaps one day I’ll get bored and force it out of you for shits and giggles. _Never_ get too comfortable.”

He reveled in the sound of Flug sheepishly laughing as he vanished into the shadows of the room.

* * *

Black Hat was unpredictable. Flug _knew_ not to get too comfortable.

But there was something about him that made sickening warmth bloom in his chest, and that warmth in turn caused him to blush and fantasize- his head swimming with the most domestic of fantasies.

He told himself he’d never do domestic- that wasn’t him. But Black Hat brought out a long-repressed side of him that he wished would just go back into whatever hole it had crawled out of. Sure, he was living his teenage fantasy, working with the greatest villain of all time, but now that wasn’t enough. He wanted more. He didn’t just want to work with him. Now he just wanted to be near him.

Loving a creature like Black Hat was more painful than anything Black Hat himself could ever say or do to him.

Hell, what he’d said to him in the lab was essentially a confession of love. He supposed he should be glad that Black Hat was not a creature that was capable of romantic feelings; otherwise he might have figured it out.

But Black Hat, the heartless monster Black Hat, had respected his wishes and let him keep his secret. He hadn’t tortured it out of him- and he very easily could have. Why, why was that all he could focus on?

He knew why. He knew exactly why.

The same reason he’d been attracted to him from the start, the same reason he loved all those stupid useless little details that Black Hat had shared with him about himself, the same reason he wanted to spend the rest of his life with that monster.

He’d always known.

Deep down, there would always be a part of him left unsatisfied- but being near him was enough. It was all he could ask for- and he’d gotten his wish.

Now all he could do was prove to Black Hat that he’d made the right decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it feels like there's been a lot of filler lately but next chapter things are really going to pick up! stay tuned!


	14. Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang puts their plan into motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i'm late again!!! my brother brought home a cold and guess who caught it?????? 
> 
> but i'm really excited for you guys to read this chapter bc it's a big one, so i hope you enjoy it!
> 
> (also there is some slight gore in this chapter)

_“Working late again, doctor?”_

_Flug quickly relaxed- it was a voice he knew all too well, a voice he never wanted to stop hearing. “Oh, I have to. My boss will throw me into the dimension of eternal suffering if I don’t.”_

_“Mm.” Clawed hands came to rest on his hips. “Your boss sounds like an arse.”_

_“Oh, I don’t know,” Flug said innocently, leaning back against his chest. “I think you’d like him.”_

_Black Hat purred deep in his chest as he nuzzled against Flug's neck. “Come to bed now.”_

_“Are you tired?”_

_“No," Black Hat murmured as his hands rubbed circles against his bare skin, "but you are.”_

_“That’s true,” Flug admitted, melting into his touch. “But I should get this done.”_

_“It can wait,” Black Hat insisted, tongue creeping out to lick along his neck. “Come now Flug, don’t make me beg.”_

_“I like it when you beg,” Flug said idly._

_“Last I recall, you were the one begging. Could make you do it again, if you’d like.”_

_“Mm…" Flug hummed, "as tempting as that is, I think I’ll pass out if I stay up any longer.”_

_Black Hat’s hand reached out to stop his from doing any more work. “Then come with me.”_

* * *

Unfortunately, Flug did _not_ awaken in the arms of his dreamy demon boss.

He groaned and sat up, nursing a headache. Great. The day they were supposed to initiate their plan and he was suffering through a migraine. After trying to make himself at least somewhat presentable, he trudged down the stairs, with coffee in one hand and a packet of Tylenol in the other.

He made his way through the lab and headed into the room that was _meant_ to hold experiments- but now instead held Dementia.

“You’re late, Flug!” Dementia called from across the room. “You said we were gonna leave at like 8!”

“I know, I overslept,” Flug called back in response. “Besides, don’t think it matters much anyway.” He pressed a button and heard the latches containing her click open. “There you go. Go on, go get yourself something to eat and make yourself… presentable. Would it kill you to brush your hair for once?”

Dementia bounded across the room until she was perched on the metal railing, within a foot of his face. _“You_ try brushing hair as long as you are.”

“…Fair enough.”

“Yo, do we even have any food in this house? I’m fuckin’ starving.”

“I sent 5.0.5 out last night to go grocery shopping- Black Hat said that there’s a grocery store on Hat Island, oddly enough. There’s breakfast burritos in the freezer.”

“Got it!” Dementia then leaped off the railing in search of breakfast.

“Don’t eat my pancakes!” Flug shouted after her.

She giggled maniacally again, an indicator that she was _definitely_ going to eat his pancakes just because he told her not to. Flug reached into his pocket, pulled out the packet of Tylenol, ripped it open, and popped two into his mouth.

This was going to be a long,  _long_ day.

* * *

“So that’s their hideout? It seems kinda obvious. Like… it’s huge.”

The building in question sat in a more secluded area of the city, but looked no different from any ordinary skyscraper. There were no signs or indicators of any kind of what the building was there for- nothing to even throw villains off their trail.

“You’d be surprised at what people fail to notice. But according to my tracking device, they’re keeping my car in the parking lot behind the building.”

Dementia frowned incredulously. “Really? The parking lot?”

“The _heavily guarded_ parking lot, yes," he said flatly. 

“…Right.”

Flug cleared his throat. “Alright, before we go in there, I need to know that we’re all absolutely certain of our roles.”

Dementia raised her hand.

“Yes Dementia?”

“I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.”

“Wh- I went over it with you this morning!”

“Yeah, and I was busy devouring some breakfast burritos. In that moment, they were _far_ more important than you were.”

“To be fair,” Black Hat cut in, “I’m not quite sure what you expect me to do, either. Frankly I’m starting to think you just brought me so I could be your ride.”

Flug frantically shook his head. “That’s not true at all sir! Okay, well- it’s a _little_ true." He dragged his hand across his face- over the bag- and sighed. "Alright. Let’s go over it one more time. Black Hat, all you have to do is hide somewhere nearby. If something goes wrong, will you, um…”

Black Hat deadpanned. “Yes, Flug, I’ll save your pathetic arses. Continue.”

Flug nodded. “Right. Dementia, you’re going to be my muscle. They’ll likely have a few heroes stationed to keep watch over the car. I need you to keep them busy long enough for me to get to my car.”

Dementia cackled, laving her tongue over her teeth. “Think I can take one of ‘em home for lunch?”

“No, we don’t have room in the trunk for that.”

“Aww, man!”

“5.0.5, you’re going to cover me in case one of them decides to come after me- and no, I don’t mean _hug._ Remember, it’s just like we practiced.”

5.0.5 let out a cheerful noise and nodded, saluting dutifully.

“Good. Questions, comments, concerns?”

Dementia leaned forward, resting her weight on her mop of hair. “Black Hat, when this is over, let’s get married.”

Black Hat looked affronted by the suggestion. “Absolutely not. If you were going to propose, you could’ve at least gotten me a ring.”

“Would you have said yes?”

“Probably not, no.”

“Damn.”

Flug’s eye twitched, and for a second, he got a sinking feeling telling him that he was likely going to die. “…Okay then. Positions everyone! Dementia, you move when I tell you, got it?”

“Yeah yeah, whatever!” And with that she was gone, scurrying along the ground as she headed for cover on the building.

“Right,” Flug said as he reached into the bag he brought, “I didn’t want Dementia to see it. Here you are sir.”

Black Hat took the detonator from him, grinning excitedly. “Don’t you just _love_ seeing things go up in flames? I certainly do.”

“Remember sir, when I give the signal.”

“But of course, doctor.”

Flug nodded. “5.0.5, think you can get me down from here?”

The bear nodded eagerly.

“Flug?”

Flug paused just as he was about to swing his leg over 5.0.5’s back. “Ah- yes sir?”

Black Hat, ever so eloquently, coughed awkwardly into his fist before averting Flug's eyes, suddenly finding the ground particularly interesting to look at. “…Don’t die. It’d be a pain in my arse to have to look for a new scientist again.”

Flug couldn’t help but smile, his heart fluttering in his chest. He wondered if Black Hat noticed. “Of course. You too, um... don't die." 

_“Me?"_ He laughed. "I should be the least of your worries. I have the easiest part.” He turned Flug around and shoved him towards 5.0.5. “Now _go,_ you dolt.”

“Y-Yes sir!”

* * *

_“Hello, citizens of Atreno! Lovely day we’re having, isn’t it?”_

It was as if, upon hearing Black Hat's voice, that time itself stopped. Cars stopped, people froze in the streets, all eyes glued onto the screens around the city. No one dared move a muscle. 

_“I suppose you must be shocked to hear from me again, after all, it’s been quite a few years. Let’s just say that I’ve been quietly taking a backseat and watching from the shadows. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been fun, but recent events have left me, well… inspired! So with that being said, let’s get onto what I have planned today!”_

The citizens were whispering among themselves in confusion, some already reaching into their pockets for their cellphones. 

"Is that a villain?" 

"Sounds like it." 

"Then it's no big deal, a hero will definitely stop him!" 

"I wouldn't bet on it."

"Why not?" 

"You guys don't know? That's the infamous villain Black Hat! He used to terrorize this city years ago, back in the 1800's. No hero has ever managed to stop him." 

"And he's back for real?" 

"I don't know, but I'm getting the fuck out of here, and you all should do the same!" 

_“I’ve placed approximately five bombs around downtown Atreno City. They’re all set to detonate within the next thirty minutes or so. Find all the bombs and deactivate them and you win! If you don’t, well… lots of people will die. As for you civilians, I’d advise you to stop listening to me now and start running for your lives- if you go now you might survive! As for the heroes of Atreno… let’s dance! Remember, the clock’s ticking!”_

With that, the camera cut out to a timer, and all hell broke loose.

The streets quickly became flooded with people, either running on foot or rushing to their cars. Stores closed, and all that could be heard for miles was screams and confused shouting.

A melody to his ears, if he was being honest.

Black Hat watched them scatter about from the shadows atop a nearby building. Within moments police arrived, alongside a few other heroes and even what appeared to be military personnel.

Looks like they were taking this seriously after all.

_Good_ , then he hadn’t lost his touch.

_Come on, little heroes… come take the bait._

* * *

Flug’s car sat across the lot, guarded by what Atreno City had dubbed “The Big Three”.

The first hero, an older woman by the name of “Skipper”, was the leader- and the strongest of the group, according to Flug’s research. Her approval ratings were ridiculously high- there likely wasn’t a single person in Atreno that didn’t approve of her- even villains had some level of respect for her and her fighting capabilities. She was part of a special organization known as the Elemental Heroes because of her aquatic powers, and is currently one of the co-runners.

The second hero, a younger girl, was much newer to the hero life. A top graduate from the Atreno City Hero Academy, she had chosen the name “Twister”, due to being able to manipulate her body in any way she chooses. The Atreno City Hero Academy final exams were all filmed and open to the public, so Flug had made sure to watch her battle in the event that he would have to face her- and as it turned out, he was correct for assuming so.

The third and final hero was a young man who looked to be about Flug’s age, and if Flug was being honest- he didn’t have the build of the typical male hero. There was some muscle definition visible through that tight suit he wore, but he was awfully scrawny. He’d chosen the name “The Magician”- a rather stupid name, in Flug’s opinion. He’d understood the necessity for nicknames so as to protect one’s identity, but _The Magician? Really?_ What civilian is going to feel safe knowing that some guy called _The Magician_ is looking out for them?

Ah, whatever.

He jumped off 5.0.5’s back, allowing the bear to rise to his full height. “Alright Fives, this is it. We’re going to make our entrance loud and proud. When they move, we give the signal for Dementia-“

_“COME GET SOME, FUCKERS!”_

Oh, of _course._

Dementia jumped out from the shadows, landing on all fours effortlessly. The heroes, suddenly at attention, took their stances, ready to defend.

Figuring that there was no point in hiding anymore, Flug ran out into the parking lot, 5.0.5 trailing behind him. “DEMENTIA!” he shouted. “I didn’t give you the signal! What are you _doing?!”_

“Got bored!” she shouted back as she yanked hard on Twister’s ponytail. After getting a solid grip, she tossed the young hero into the Magician, who had been standing nearby. The two soared through the air before falling to the ground in a heavy heap. “Go you dummy, I’ve got them!”

Flug wanted to chew her out for ruining his plan more than anything, but she was right- they had more pressing matters at hand. He could do that later- given that they survived. Motioning for 5.0.5 to follow, he bolted, running as fast as he could in the direction of his car.

“Oh no you don’t!” Skipper shouted, gliding across the lot on a large wave of water. “You won’t get your hands on that car, villain!”

Dementia hissed before scurrying up the street light, perching atop it. “Hey fish-lady, your fight’s with _me!”_ she exclaimed before leaping forth. She landed on Skipper’s back, and once she was stable, scratched her long nails across the heroine’s face. Skipper screeched in agony, her wave dropping dramatically in size as Dementia tore into her flesh.

Flug didn’t hesitate further and continued to run. He could hear the sounds of Dementia cackling as she ripped and kicked and bit- a part of him almost felt bad for the hero. He wasn't sure if _anyone_ deserved being mauled by Dementia. 

“Aww, that’s a cute bear you have! Mind if I keep him?”

Before Flug could so much as open his mouth to respond, he was suddenly wrapped within a tight coil of flesh. He wriggled and struggled, trying desperately to escape, but it seemed that the more he moved, the tighter his restraints were.

Twister suddenly came charging forth, and with Flug tight in her grasp, she reared back and threw him across the lot. He landed on the asphalt with a sickeningly loud snapping noise, followed by a howl of agony. 

5.0.5 gasped in horror, immediately rushing to his aid.

“You know,” Twister commented idly, admiring her nails, “neither of you really look like villains- especially the bear. You poor thing, has the weird bag guy been hurting you?”

5.0.5’s ears twitched and he shot the heroine a fierce glare before standing protectively over Flug’s body.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, clearly amused. “So you must like him, then. But this poses a bit of a moral dilemma for me. I really don’t like hurting animals, you see, so how about you and your friends surrender? That way I won’t have to do anything to you.”

“Don’t,” Flug choked out as he slowly staggered to his feet, clutching his injured arm. “Don’t do it, Fives. I’m fine.”

The bear whined, eyes locked worryingly on his very clearly broken arm.

“We’ll be fine. We can do this. I have a plan- I just need you to protect me. Can you do that?”

5.0.5 nodded enthusiastically.

Twister frowned. “Sorry, but I’m gonna have to cut the warm and fuzzy session a bit short. Magician, now!”

Flug turned around just in time to see Magician appear from behind 5.0.5, his foot extended to kick him. He grinned knowingly and took a few steps back.

The Magician’s foot definitely made contact with the side of 5.0.5’s head, but rather than collapse in pain, the bear turned towards him, cocking his head in a confused motion.

Stunned, The Magician landed smoothly on both feet, cape flowing dramatically behind him. “I… I don’t understand…”

“5.0.5 is not an ordinary bear,” Flug informed him with a smirk. “Go on, try and hit him all you like. It won’t do you much good I’m afraid. Punch him, kick him, try and restrain him if you want- but Fives here is pretty durable- and strong too.” He smiled sweetly at the bear. “Isn’t that right?”

5.0.5 practically melted at the attention, nodding excitedly.

“That’s my good boy. Now, are we done or do you need to hit him a few more times?”

Twister and The Magician exchanged confused looks, like they were unsure of what to do next.

“Yo!” Dementia called out. “Don’t leave me out of the fun!”

Soaked in blood, she rushed over to them. “Man, that Skipper lady was tough! She gave me a run for my money a few times, but I handled her!”

“You…” The Magician swallowed heavily, “you killed Skipper..?”

“Duh!” Dementia rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, quit it with that puppy look.” Her face then morphed into a devious expression. “Actually, you’re kinda cute. It's a shame you're a hero." 

Twister cursed under her breath. “Magician, you handle her! I’ve got these two!”

The Magician nodded, and before Dementia could move to attack, he vanished.

“Quit it with the lame party tricks!” she shouted in frustration, “I can smell you, you know!”

As Dementia rushed off in search of her target, Twister’s arm extended outwards. Flug winced and froze, thinking she was going after him again, but gasped when he saw that it was instead heading in the direction of 5.0.5.

“5.0.5, look out-!”

It was already too late. Her arm coiled tightly around 5.0.5, effectively preventing the bear from moving. He attempted to wriggle his arms out to pry her off of him, but it was no good, her constrictive grip too strong even for him.

“H-How..?”

“I can’t hurt him,” Twister said with a victorious smirk, “but I can hold him. Without him to protect you, you’re wide open.”

Flug tried to keep his expression impassive so she couldn’t see how terrified he was. “Y-You intend to fight me with one arm?”

“I could say the same thing about you,” she retorted. “That arm looks pretty bad. Besides, one arm is all I need.”

As if on cue, a stab of pain ran up his arm and he hissed through his teeth. “Maybe,” he said. “But there is one thing I’m curious about, Twister.”

“Oh yeah?” she asked with a challenging grin. “What’s that?”

“Just _how far_ can you stretch?”

Before Twister could respond, Flug reached into his pocket and pulled a grappling hook gun from his belt-loop.

“Oh no you don’t!” She charged forward, but with the weight of 5.0.5 slowing her down, Flug noted that he had just the _slightest_ advantage when it came to speed. He shot the gun at the nearest street light and waited for it to be secured before he released the trigger and surged into the air. Twister followed close behind him, with a poor terrified 5.0.5 in tow.

_“I’m sorry bud. Just hold out a little longer.”_

Flug landed against the pole with a sickening thud. With all the strength he could muster, he kept his legs curled tight around the pole as he prepared to launch the gun at the next street light.

But unfortunately, the doctor was nowhere near as physically strong as he was brilliant, and a broken arm certainly didn’t help matters. His legs gave out on him, uncurling from around the pole, and he plummeted through the air, his gun still clutched tightly in his hand.

This was it. _This_ was how he died. How pathetic.

He tightly shut his eyes, awaiting the cold, hard impact of the asphalt beneath him, only to find that it never came. The sound of the wind rushing past his ears came to a halt and he was no longer moving.

“Jeez, how many times do I have to keep saving your ass?”

Flug tentatively opened his eyes only to find that Dementia had caught him out of midair- they must have been away from the parking lot, too, given that there was nothing but grass and bushes around them now. “U-Uh… you… thank you..?”

She scrunched her nose as if she were disgusted. “Ugh, don’t do that. It’s weird.”

“S-Sorry, um… can you put me down now?”

“You sure you want me to? Those injuries look pretty bad. Your arm looks fucking gross." 

“Where are you?!” Twister shouted from the parking lot. “I’ll find you!"

“What were you trying to do anyway?” Dementia asked.

“Well, with Twister holding 5.0.5 down she's significantly slower, and she can't use her stretching abilities to their full extent. So I was trying to lead her around the parking lot and tangle her around the street lights, but… it’s no good with my arm the way it is,” Flug explained. “Seriously, please put me down? This is embarrassing, you’re carrying me like a princess- also you're covered in someone else's blood and it's really disgusting and unsanitary-”

“God, you’re such a baby,” she grumbled before setting him down. “That’s not a bad idea. I could probably outrun her.”

“What… what are you suggesting?”

“You do your thing, and I’ll carry you, that way you don’t have to worry about falling off. We tangle Twister up, free 5.0.5 and get to the car! Boom! Then it’s ice cream and strippers for all of us.”

Flug made sure to ignore that last bit. “But what about The Magician?”

“Pfft, he’s unconscious. But he’ll be up soon, and he can reappear anywhere at any time, so if we’re gonna do this we gotta hurry.”

“Right,” Flug then cleared his throat, shuffling his feet awkwardly. “So um, how do you wanna… you know…”

Dementia rolled her eyes. “My back, doofus. But first you gotta take care of your arm dude, I can’t have it flopping around everywhere while I’m trying to do my lizard thing.”

“Okay… eww?”

“Here- give me your labcoat.”

“What? No way, I like my labcoat!”

“Do you want your arm to suffer or not? I can’t guarantee that it won’t get ripped off unless you do this.”

“Ugh, _fine.”_ Flug grumbled before shrugging off his labcoat, wincing through the pain.

Dementia took it from him and ripped a large piece of it off. Flug resisted the urge to yelp and instead silently mourned his coat. He watched as she worked, and was slightly impressed with her craftsmanship, even if she was handling his arm _incredibly_ roughly.

“There,” she said as she pulled away. “Hopefully that holds.”

“Thank you,” he said earnestly. “I mean it. I know you don’t want to hear it, but… thanks. Honestly.”

Dementia pretended to be annoyed, but he saw the hint of a smile that spread across her lips. “Whatever. Here, climb on. We’re wasting daylight.”

Flug clambered onto her back, barely stifling a yelp as Dementia hoisted him up. “Alright, we’re aiming for that street light right there.”

Dementia nodded. “Gotcha.”

“Also- please don’t let me die.”

“No promises.”

For his sanity, he decided he was better off ignoring her offhanded comment and fired the grappling hook gun once more. The hook twirled around the pole and tightened.

Flug pulled on the wire to make sure. “It’s ready,” he said. “On the count of three, okay? One, two… three!”

He released the trigger and the two of them went flying through the air.

“Hold on tight,” she warned, “I’ve gotta get an arm free!”

“What?! Why?!”

“Because if we smack right into this pole then we die, dumbass! Now hold on, I’m letting one leg go!”

Flug scrambled to curl his leg around her waist as she released it. With a wild cackle she grabbed onto the pole, swung around, and landed somewhat smoothly on the other side of it.

Flug retracted the wire and the hook slid backwards and clicked into place. “Alright, step one complete- _she’scoming!”_

“There you are!” Twister exclaimed as she headed straight for them. “You think you can run from me?!”

“We can, and we will!” Dementia shouted back. “Flug, now!”

Flug fired at the next street light and, once the hook was secured, the two of them were off again. In a fit of rage, Twister followed after them, trying and failing to shoot her free arm at them.

“You could always let Fives go!” Flug taunted once they landed on the second pole. “Then you might be a bit faster!”

“Shut up!” she snapped as she lunged towards them.

“Just a suggestion!” he said cheekily before shooting his gun at the next streetlight.

Flug and Dementia led her in a chase, leaping from one street light to the next while Twister followed suit. Every time she was within a hair’s breadth of catching them, they’d escape, and before she’d realized it, she’d stretched herself across the entire parking lot in pursuit of them.

She collapsed onto the asphalt, her overstretched limbs following her and landing shortly after in a tangled pile of flesh. The limb containing 5.0.5 finally loosened, allowing the bear to break free.

Dementia landed on the ground safely, allowing Flug to climb off her.

Flug couldn’t suppress his triumphant snicker. “What’s the matter? You look a little… _stretched out._ Get it? Stressed? Stretched? Cause she’s stretchy?”

“Dude, you really need to just stick to what you’re good at.”

“Pfft, whatever. I’m hilarious and you know it. Now, let’s get to the car. I’m sick of this. Come on Fives!”

5.0.5, happy to be free from Twister’s grasp, followed after him.

Flug turned and headed off towards the car. “Now Dementia, make sure you keep an eye out for any potential threats, they might have called more heroes here.”

“Yeah yeah, I got it, don’t-“

Flug paused after hearing her voice die out. “Don’t what? Dementia?”

He turned around, and shuddered with horror at the sight he was met with.

The first thing he noticed was the glare from the blade. The sun hit it in such a way that it almost blinded him. But he saw it, plain as day, sticking out of Dementia’s abdomen, soaked in blood. She was completely frozen, save for her quivering legs, eyes wide and unblinking.

“I don’t normally use weapons,” The Magician said as he roughly pulled the blade back out of her. “But she left me with no other choice.”

Flug watched helplessly as her eyes rolled back into her head before fluttering closed as she collapsed face-first into the pavement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh............ i'm sorry?


	15. Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i debated waiting a couple days bc it hasn't been a whole week since my last update, but i felt bad for leaving u guys on that cliffhanger so here's chapter 15! (also i needed to get back on schedule) 
> 
> this is technically the last chapter, since the next chapter is just an epilogue. here's a reminder that the epilogue will contain smut, so if that's not your thing then feel free to stop reading at this chapter- you won't miss anything by skipping the epilogue. 
> 
> now then, onto the next chapter! i hope you enjoy!

Flug scrambled over to her and fell to his knees, desperately trying to turn her over with his good arm. “Dementia! Dementia, stay with me, please! Fives- turn her over!”

5.0.5 gently pushed her onto her back with his paw. She moaned her agony and Flug had to resist the urge to vomit at the sight of the wound- despite being no stranger to blood, he'd never been very good at handling the sight of it. 

“It’s alright, you’re gonna be fine,” he reassured, although now he wasn't sure if he was talking to her or himself.

“…’Course I’m gonna be fine,” she sputtered weakly, her eyes still closed. “I’m a lizard! A hole in my stomach isn’t… gonna stop me!”

Flug couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t know why- it was the last thing he wanted to do right now. But he did.

“A-Alright, we need- we need to put pressure on the wound-“

“Enough, doctor.”

Flug paused as the bloodstained blade was pressed right under his chin, threatening to dig into the skin of his throat.

“You clearly care for her. So I’ll make you a deal: surrender now and we’ll save her life.”

“Don’t do it,” Dementia insisted, blood now pouring out from her lips. “Don’t do it, Flug! I’ll kill you if you do!”

“I mean it,” The Magician insisted. “There’s a medical team right inside. All I have to do is call for them and they’ll be right here. They’ll take her inside and they’ll save her. All you have to do is surrender.”

“I MEAN IT!” she screamed desperately. “If you do it I’ll hate you forever!”

“I… I’m sorry, there’s no other choice.” Flug closed his eyes, breathing a heavy sigh. “I have to.”

“NO! You _idiot-“_

Flug staggered to his feet and drew in a deep breath.

“SIR! I… I don’t know if you can hear me, but we need you! Dementia’s hurt- _I’m_ hurt- we’re out of options! Please- help us!”

“You little _shit!”_

The Magician lunged forward, blade in hand. Flug closed his eyes again, preparing for the feeling of cold metal piercing his skin, but it never came.

When he opened them, he was met with the sight of a familiar black coat staring back at him.

The figure in said coat stood to his full height, adjusting his hat. “Finally. I was afraid you wouldn’t call for me, Flug. I’m glad this day is turning out to not be as boring as I thought.”

Overcome with joy, tears of relief pooled in Flug’s eyes. “Sir, you came!”

“Of course! I didn’t want to miss out on the _fun_ ,” Black Hat purred, licking his lips. “Now then, this is the only one left?”

“Y-Yes- Dementia took care of Skipper and Twister is unconscious.”

“Good. So it’s just you, then.” Black Hat grinned. “Flug, get Dementia and the bear to the car and get out of here.”

“Yes sir!”

5.0.5 saluted dutifully and scooped Dementia into his arms, following after Flug.

The Magician, frozen with fear, was far too terrified to stop them. “Y-You’re… Black Hat? But… how? I thought you were fighting the others in downtown Atreno…”

“That’s the thing about you heroes- you’re always _so_ easily manipulated. You ought to be more careful- not that it matters much anyway, I suppose.”

The Magician’s face paled. “It was… a diversion..?”

“Now you're putting it together. You should’ve known I’d never really stick my neck out unless I _wanted_ to be seen again. But if I can be honest with you for a moment, being out of the spotlight has allowed me some time to think. Since news of my arranged capture got out, rumors have been flying around among the heroes about whether or not I’ll be active again, and the truth is, I’ve quite missed this. The thrill of fighting you heroes _never_ gets old. I love my organization, I love sending new villains out into the world to spread chaos, but there’s nothing like being _right_ in the center of all the action, you know?”

Black Hat walked forward, approaching the hero with light, carefree steps. “Well, in any case, I think that’s enough chit-chat. Don’t you?”

The Magician took a few fumbling steps backwards, eyes wide with terror.

“Aren’t you going to attack me? You are one of the top heroes after all- you were _trained_ to deal with creatures like me! Go on! I’m inviting you to make the first move!”

The Magician- panicked and unsure of what to do next- bolted towards the back entrance of the building.

Black Hat heaved a long, heavy sigh. “Usually I love it when they run, but I’m not much feeling it today.” He then vanished into the shadows and reappeared in the car where Flug, Dementia, and 5.0.5 were waiting.

“S-Sir?!” Flug sputtered. “What are you doing here- he’s getting away!”

“And look at where he’s going, genius,” Black Hat grumbled with a roll of his eye. “Drive. We need to get far away enough first.”

“R-Right… of course sir.”

Flug put the car in drive and hurriedly sped away, with Dementia cheering weakly in 5.0.5’s lap.

“Flug, my dead grandmother would drive faster than you!”

“S-Sir, you don’t have a grandmother!”

“No, but if I did she’d be a much faster driver! Step on it!”

“Yes sir!”

“Hey, Hatty… why didn’t you fight that hero guy? He was a… a total _dick,”_ Dementia slurred. 5.0.5 tried to silence her, to urge her to save her strength, but his efforts were in vain.

“You’ll see,” was all he said in response.

They drove in silence for a couple minutes, Dementia occasionally moaning in pain and 5.0.5 making small whining noises out of worry.

“What’s the matter with her?” Black Hat asked, pointing a thumb back at her.

“She was stabbed, sir. By the hero. Can you… can you help her?”

“Flug, I am a bringer of death and destruction. Do I look like a miracle worker?”

“N-No sir…”

“A kiss... might help,” Dementia suggested, waggling her brows.

“She can still make inane flirtations. She’s fine,” Black Hat declared.

“Do you think we’re far away enough now, sir?” Flug asked in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

“Mm…” Black Hat craned his neck to look back in the rear window. “I think we are. Hopefully. Well, no sense in wasting any more time.”

His thumb hovered over the red button on the detonator. He took a moment to let out a demented laugh, a laugh that Flug should’ve found chilling but didn’t, a laugh that Dementia wanted to laugh along with but couldn’t.

Without any further hesitation, he pressed the button, and even from their distance, they could see the Men Without Hats HQ burst into glorious red and orange flames. Black Hat watched with apt attention as the building came toppling down, dark smoke billowing out into the afternoon sky. Already on the radio there were calls for help and Black Hat reveled in the sound of their panic.

“Excellent…” he murmured, “absolutely excellent…”

Flug didn’t say anything, but he thought it was kind of excellent too, in a strange sort of way.

“We should get somewhere safe before we head back to Hat Island,” Flug said, “somewhere they won’t spot us. And we have to hurry- Dementia’s condition is only getting worse.”

“Then drive!” Dementia weakly shouted from the back. “Drive like the cops are on your ass!”

“Alright, alright! Sheesh!”

* * *

“It’s amazing how resilient you are,” Flug said as he threaded the needle through her skin. “That would’ve killed any normal person.”

“Lucky I’m not a normal person, then,” she replied softly, smiling through the pain as best as she could.

The word "normal" got him thinking. The concept of "normal" had become so twisted for him that he wasn't even sure he fit the definition anymore. “Have you ever thought about it?” Flug found himself asking- the question had slipped out before he could stop it.

“Thought about what?”

“A normal life. As a normal person.”

Dementia let out a weak laugh. “Not really." She gestured to her wound. "This is the new norm for me.”

“And you’re… happy with that?”

“’Course I am. Get to spend the rest of my life with my beloved Black Hat. How can it get much better?”

“Suppose you’re right,” Flug admitted. “It is pretty nice, despite the fact that Black Hat is, well… Black Hat.”

“He’s not so bad, once you get used to him,” Dementia reasoned. “Ya gotta have a thick skin, otherwise you… you won’t survive here.”

“I know,” Flug reassured her. “I’m fine, honest.” He set the needle down into the metal pan and searched for the IV needle. “Now, remember, keep an eye on that wound, make sure it doesn’t get infected. Don’t do anything to open it back up- that means you’re on break for a little while. No more missions until that wound has healed.”

“Seriously?!” she whined before wincing in pain.

“Yes, seriously.” Flug gingerly grabbed her wrist. “Now hold still.”

“…What are you doing now?”

“Blood transfusion- you lost a lot and you need more,” he explained as he slowly inserted the needle into her vein.

“Where’d you get the blood?”

“…Not important.”

“You _are_ a bad guy after all,” she teased.

“You thought I wasn’t?”

She shrugged. “Eh, I had moments where I was seriously questioning why you were here. But, I guess what you said was true. Hatty picked you for a reason.”

“Gee, thanks. I’ve waited so long for your approval,” he grumbled flatly.

“Oh, don’t be like that.” She smiled and lightly punched his arm. “Thanks for fixin’ me up, doc.”

Flug mirrored her smile. “No problem.”

* * *

“How is Dementia?”

“Resting. I gave her a blood transfusion and then some sleep medicine to help her relax. She’ll be out for a couple of hours at least,” Flug explained.

“I see. That’s-“ Black Hat paused, clearing his throat. He looked away, yet Flug could tell he was hoping he'd understand without him having to say it. Luckily, Flug had become pretty good at reading Black Hat. 

“…You can say so if you’re happy that she’s okay,” he told him. “I won’t think you’re any less evil.”

“You’d **_better not,_** ” he warned. “That damn girl is going to be a handful.”

“A handful that saved my ass and helped us escape the lab,” Flug reminded him. “In any case, I’m just happy we got all of our information back. That was the most important thing- and we succeeded.”

“I'll say." With a flick of his wrist and a small cloud of shadows Black Hat summoned the newspaper from his desk into Flug's hands. "Read the headline." 

"Black Hat reappearance declared a hoax," Flug read aloud. "A hoax? But that... how?" 

"You didn't see the chaos that was going on in downtown Atreno. People were nearly killing each other to get out of the city. It was complete madness. If the people of Atreno knew I was back they'd leave and never return." 

"So they're trying to prevent mass panic..." Flug realized. "But then that means..." 

"It means there are still more agents out there, of course. It would be naive to assume that they're only in the Atreno area," Black Hat said. "And they'll be coming for us, so I want you to make sure that all of that information is backed up and saved.”

Flug still had more questions for him, but Black Hat didn't seem like he was going to answer any more of them. “...Of course, sir. I’ll make backup copies of everything.”

“Good. Oh! That reminds me.” He clapped his hands together. “You and I. We have business to discuss.”

“B-Business?” Flug stammered. “U-Um- what do you mean sir?”

“Our _deal_ , Flug,” Black Hat reminded him. “I believe we are both owed some information from each other, right?”

“Y-Yes, well- everything that I know is in those files- I’ll have copies of everything on your desk bright and early Monday morning.”

“Still not interested in telling me your secret?” Black Hat challenged with a daring grin.

“Ah-“ Flug looked away, cheeks warming. “Afraid not, sir.”

“Mm,” Black Hat hummed, displeased with Flug’s response, “very well then.”

He seated himself at his desk and motioned for Flug to have a seat across from him, summoning a chair into the room. “You have questions, don’t you? Ask away. I’ll answer anything- well, _almost_ anything.”

“R-Really?”

“Of course. Now go on Flug, satisfy your curiosities. I don’t have all day.”

“I… I’ve actually been thinking about that sir,” Flug started as he sat in the chair Black Hat had brought for him. “And I… I’ve decided that the deal’s off. At least- on your end. You allowed me to keep my secret- I think it’s only fair that I allow you to keep yours.”

“Oh really now? So there’s absolutely nothing you’d like to know about me?”

Flug could tell that the demon was tempting him- or at least trying to. It was taking everything he had to resist. “Believe me sir, there’s a lot I’d like to know about you. But you allowed me to keep a very important secret. I wouldn’t feel right forcing you to tell me things about yourself.”

“I wasn’t aware you cared much about right and wrong.”

“I don’t, usually. But you’re my boss, and fair is fair.”

“...Very well then. Deal’s off- but I still expect those files on my desk." 

“Of course sir.”

Black Hat stood from his chair, turning to look out the window. The sun was just beginning to set, casting an eerie red-tinted glow into the room. “You know- you humans… you’re weak. Pathetic. Disgusting. There is absolutely nothing I’d love more than to wipe you all out of existence.”

“U-Um…” Flug stuttered, unsure of how to respond to that.

“But every now and then- you say and do things that even a creature such as myself can’t fathom. You’re curious little things- you go explore even though you know the risks, but you don’t care because in the end- it’s worth it, to see what you see."

"...What are you trying to say, sir?" 

"I'm saying that you _knew_ what could happen- following me, trusting me, working for me- you’ve experienced it firsthand. I’ve never cared much about the motivations of villains, because frankly they’re all the same. ‘Boohoo, the world was mean to me and now I’m exacting revenge’. _Big deal_. But _you_ , Flug. You’re different. Why?”

“I suppose…” Flug swallowed, choosing his next words extremely carefully. “I suppose it’s because it’s worth it, to me. To be with you.”

“Is that all that’s important to you?” Black Hat asked bluntly. “Being with me?”

“I…” Flug suddenly shrunk back against the seat, losing his confidence. “I know you won’t like hearing this, but being with you- it makes me stronger, I think. Sometimes I think that just by being around you I'll become a stronger person.”

It took Black Hat a moment to process his words, and when he did, a sickening, twisting feeling coiled in the pit of his stomach. “Ugh, you humans are  _disgusting."_

Flug couldn’t resist a chuckle.

Black Hat finally turned to look at him, narrowing his eye. “Are you laughing at my misery, Flug?!”

“Maybe a little, sir.”

He hissed in the same way a snake would hiss at potential predators. “I should kill you. You’re lucky I’m in a good mood today- it would be in your best interest not to ruin it.”

Figuring it would be best not to push his luck, Flug swallowed the laughter he felt bubbling up. He couldn’t help it- even while threatening him, there was something strangely adorable about him. But while Flug was content enough not knowing everything about Black Hat- there was one burning question at the forefront of his mind that he just couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard he tried.

“Sir… if it’s alright with you, actually… there is one thing I want to ask you. Just one thing- and I promise it’s not a question about your past. But it’s a personal question- so if you don’t want to answer, then I understand.”

Intrigued at what his doctor could possibly want to ask him, he decided he’d allow it just for the sake of being able to hear the question. “…Very well, I suppose I’ll allow one question. What is it?”

“B-Back at the lab… when we fought… and you kissed me…”

Black Hat rolled his eye, suddenly disinterested. “We’ve been _over this-“_

“Did you like it?”

Black Hat froze. “...Pardon?”

“The kiss. Did you really hate it? I mean, you… you already know how I feel about it. I just… wanted to know if you despised kissing me.”

“…Why do you care?”

“Because I liked it,” Flug said boldly. “I know I seemed like I didn’t at the time, but I did- I just didn’t want to accept it.”

“I know you liked it,” Black Hat told him as if it were obvious. “I could smell your arousal all the way across the lab. You’ve been lusting for me ever since. I know you wanted me to do more to you that day.”

“Then why didn’t you?” Flug’s voice tapered off into a purr before he could stop it.

“You ran, remember?”

Flug’s cheeks warmed. “O-Oh… right.”

The feeling in the room suddenly changed. Flug could hear the click of the door being locked and the slide of the curtains as they were drawn shut. “Is that what you wanted to know, Flug? You wanted to know if I was attracted to you? What a stupid question.”

“I… why was it stupid?”

Black Hat was slinking around the desk in a manner that was anything but innocent, a seductive grin spreading across his face. “Because I think you already know the answer to that.”

“Sir-“

“I don’t normally engage in this sort of thing with humans,” he murmured, his voice low and sultry, his gaze burning with fiery desire. “But for you, my sweet doctor, I might just make an exception.”

“W-Wait-“

Black Hat sunk to his knees before Flug, stroking his legs through his jeans with his clawed fingertips. “Was this your big secret, Flug? That you want to _fuck me?_ Because I already knew- and I’ve known for a while.”

_“S-Stop!”_

Flug jumped out of the chair, scrambling to get away from him, his chest heaving.

Black Hat rose to his feet again, displeased at having been interrupted.  _“Flug-“_

Shaking, Flug put his hands up defensively. “I-I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean, I just… I can’t… I can’t keep doing this!”

“Doing _what?!”_

“I-It’s like you’re _pretending_ to be into me, because… because it’s all one big _joke_ to you! Because you get amusement out of toying with my feelings! A-And that’d be fine, if… if I didn’t have any feelings to begin with… but I do! I’m not like you, no matter how much I wish I was! I’m weak and pathetic and _human_ and I- I can’t get rid of this no matter how hard I try!”

“…What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I…” The words died in his throat and Flug faltered. “Forget it. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’d like to be excused now, sir.”

It was then, however, that a realization struck him, and everything finally settled into place- a mystery that had plagued him since their intimate moment in the lab.

_“Is kissing not customary when one makes a confession of love?”_

_“I’d say our relationship has a bit more depth than that, hm? Reducing us to simply employer and employee- after you made such a bold declaration of love? Ridiculous.”_

“You really don’t know?” Flug asked in a low murmur.

“Don’t know what?”

Of course. Why hadn't he figured this out sooner? “You really… you really know absolutely _nothing_ about human feelings…”

Black Hat blinked obliviously. “Why should I? I’m not human- why would I need to know or care?”

Overcome with emotion, Flug started laughing. “Of course… of course you didn’t realize it was hurting me… you thought… you thought I was in on the joke…”

“You’re _not?”_

Flug’s laughter quickly devolved into tears.

“Why are you crying? Stop that pathetic sniveling at once!”

“I can’t help it!” Flug insisted, reaching beneath the bag to wipe at his face. “I… you really had no idea…”

“No idea about what? Flug, you’d better tell me what’s going on this instant!”

“Alright, alright." Flug pulled the bag back down over his face. "Maybe you were joking when you kissed me, but... it wasn't a joke for me." 

Black Hat took in his words and processed them as fast as his brain would allow. “Are you saying… what I think you’re saying?”

“I don’t know…" Flug looked down shyly at the floor, "what do you think I’m saying?”

“...I think you’re about to confess your undying adoration and loyalty to me. In which case, I already know-“

_“No!”_ Flug shouted in frustration, resisting the urge to tear his bag off. “I’m saying that I… that I’m… ugh, you’re going to _hate me_ for this…”

“Certainly no more than I hate myself for letting you go on this long like a babbling moron! For the love of everything that's unholy,  _what is it?!"_

“It’s not- it’s not just about like- _sex_ , and stuff, for me. I-I mean yes, I’m attracted to you physically, but it’s _more_ than that… I-“

_More._

“…Oh no,” Black Hat said as he finally, _finally_ started to put everything together. “Oh _no_ , don’t you _dare.“_   He clamped a hand over Flug's mouth, effectively silencing him. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “No. Don’t you _dare._ Don’t you dare say those words to me.”

Flug pried Black Hat’s hand off of his mouth, glaring at him defiantly. “You wanted the truth and I gave it to you… feel free to do with it as you please, and if that means killing me, then… I guess I asked for it, in the end.”

“I should,” Black Hat rasped, “I should kill you right here and now for daring to say something so disgusting in my presence- and directed at _me_ , no less.”

He knew. He knew from the beginning. He'd expected this- so why did it still hurt? He'd prepared himself for this exact reaction, told himself over and over again that he was content and that he could handle his inevitable rejection. He'd predicted this exact scenario and yet it still wasn't enough to save him from the cold ache settling heavily inside him. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered, “I should have known, but I- I couldn’t stop myself.”

“What do you expect me to do with that, Flug?” Black Hat asked exasperatedly. “Do you expect me to embrace you? Tell you how I’ve always loved you and take you away on some magical fairytale honeymoon where we drink champagne and dance the nights away?”

Flug tried his best not to let that mental image distract him. “No, I… I don’t know, I just-“

“Then what, Flug? What do you expect a creature like me to do with a confession like that? Love you in return?”

He did. He wanted nothing more than for Black Hat to see him the same way. But he couldn't bring himself to say such a thing, and instead said the next thing that came to mind. “I... I just want you to let me stay!” he confessed. “That’s all, just… just let me be with you. I’m not asking you to love me, or to treat me any differently… I just want you to let me stay with you!”

Frustrated, Black Hat dug his claws into the desk. “…How can I even do that now that you’ve gone and done this?”

Taken aback, Flug felt tears brimming in the corners of his eyes again. “I… are you saying you want me to leave, sir? After everything we’ve been through- you… you really want me gone?”

“You act as though you haven’t just changed everything,” Black Hat retorted. “Things can never go back to the way they were before you-“

“Before I what? Before I was _honest_ with you? Nothing has to change!”

Black Hat whipped around, baring his teeth in a snarl. “IT ALREADY HAS CHANGED!” he shouted, his voice dropping into double tones. 

“WELL MAYBE IT SHOULD!” Flug argued.

“SO YOU AGREE?!”

“I DO!”

“THEN LEAVE!

“FINE!

“FINE!”

Flug willed his body to move, to storm out of Black Hat’s office and make a dramatic exit, but his body remained still, as if he were frozen to the spot.

“...Flug? The fuck are you still doing in here?!”

“I… I don’t know, for some reason I can’t seem to move.”

“Well _I’m_ certainly not doing it.”

Flug struggled against whatever was holding him down. “...Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m fucking sure! Are you questioning me?”

“U-Um… sort of. Because this is… strange. Like… _your_ kind of strange. Supernaturally strange.”

“Awfully fucking bold of you to make presumptions like that,” Black Hat grumbled.

“I-It’s the only explanation I can think of sir, I really was going to walk out-“

“Then do it!”

“I really can’t! I… sir, do you not want me to leave?”

"NO! I want you OUT!" 

“I… sir..?”

_“Ugh,”_ Black Hat huffed, “you impossible, infuriating, wretched-“

“Sir…”

As if the force holding him down was lifted, Flug could move again. With all the courage he could muster, he placed both hands on Black Hat's shoulders. "Just let me stay with you sir,” he pleaded. “That’s all I ask. You don’t have to _love_ me, or anything like that. Just- just let me be with you.”

Black Hat’s arms ever so slowly dropped from their attack position as Flug gripped him, his anger slowly dissipating. “Why? Around you everything fades and burns all at the same time and for the life of me I can’t comprehend _why_ … you’re an enigma, Flugslys.”

“Not an enigma, sir,” Flug replied, shaking his head. “Just human.”

“So very, sickeningly human indeed,” Black Hat agreed. “And nothing has to change?”

“Not unless you want it to,” Flug said, his hands slowly slipping away from his shoulders. “I’m content, as long as I’m with you.”

“I could take that and ruin you with it,” Black Hat said. “I could take your love and destroy you. I could test you and your devotion to whatever extremes I like just for my pleasure, and you wouldn’t be able to do a thing to stop me. You know that, yet you want to stay anyway.”

“…Yes,” Flug answered. “I do. Because I think you- and this job- are worth the risk. If you do decide to do that, then… I’m the fool, for falling for a demon in the first place.”

“You’re a fool anyway,” Black Hat corrected, “no sane person falls for a creature like me.”

“Maybe not,” Flug agreed. “But any human would have to be at least a little crazy, to work for you.”

“Are you trying to insult me, doctor?”

“Maybe a bit. Is it working?”

“Perhaps." He laughed lightly. "Is that really all you want? To be with me?”

“If we’re being honest, then no,” Flug admitted with a sheepish laugh. “I don’t just want to be with you. I want so much more than that. But as long as you allow me by your side, continuing to spread evil into the world… then I’m happy. Happy enough.”

“And if I decide to break you, to bend you and twist you into my perfect little slave?”

“Then like I said- I’m the fool that fell in love with the demon.”

“Amazing. You’d still blame yourself before you’d blame me.”

Flug shrugged. “Well, I’d blame you a little.”

“...Naturally. And what if I decide to indulge you? To give you a taste of what your pathetic human heart desires?”

“I’d rather you not do that if you don't mean it." 

Black Hat released a small sigh. “Is that important to you? Meanings and intentions and all that nonsense?”

“Yes.”

Black Hat clicked his tongue. “Figures. Of _course_ it is.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that if you left it’d be a pain in my arse. So if you don’t want to cause me any trouble…”

Black Hat’s arms lifted before ever so slowly wrapping around Flug, holding him close, almost like a lover would but- not _quite_. It had always been like that between them- maybe, not quite, possibly, almost- never a simple yes or no; nothing was ever absolute. In a way, Flug was glad for that. Even now, Black Hat would still keep him guessing- always and forever a man of mystery. 

It was a good thing that one of Flug's greatest passions was solving mysteries. And Black Hat, a thing that simply couldn't be explained, would be nothing like he'd experienced previously. Black Hat certainly wasn't going to take it easy on him, but he wouldn't expect him to. In fact, he'd be disappointed if he did. 

“Then stay."

Flug relaxed into his embrace. 

He was going to enjoy spending his life taking on the challenge. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here we are at the sort-of ending! for those who are stopping here, thank you so so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed this little story- i know i certainly enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> until next time!


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's just 3,000 words of porn lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws my bad self-indulgent smut at you* 
> 
> well here we are folks,,,, the final chapter! y'all are probably tired of my warnings by now but i'll do it one more time just in case: this chapter contains graphic smut. in fact, this chapter is pretty much entirely graphic smut. you have been warned. 
> 
> enjoy!

_**Three Months Later** _

* * *

“Working late again, doctor?”

Flug relaxed- it was a voice he knew all too well, a voice he never wanted to stop hearing. “Oh, I have to," he said without turning around, "my boss will throw me into the dimension of eternal suffering if I don’t.”

“Mm.” Clawed hands came to rest on his hips. “Your boss sounds like an arse.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Flug said innocently, leaning back against his chest. “I think you’d like him.”

Black Hat impatiently pulled the bag up and brought him into a frantic kiss. “My room. Now.”

 _“Again?”_ Flug turned around in his embrace, “Just this morning I-“

“Oh I remember what you did this morning,” he purred, “that wicked tongue of yours can do _wonders._ You've improved since the first time _._ ”

Flug couldn't help but blush at the compliment, even if it was rather crude. “Well, are you thinking of returning the favor?” he suggested with a seductive smirk.

“If that is what you desire.” Black Hat then sunk to his knees before him. “Relax, doctor. I’m going to take good care of you.”

“W-Wait, sir?”

Black Hat looked up as his claws began tracing soothing circles on Flug’s clothed thighs. “Hm?”

“Can I say it today?”

Black Hat sighed in resignation. Months ago he would have protested, would have threatened Flug had he dared to say it. But lately he'd found that he simply didn't have the motivation to lash out anymore. If Flug wanted to say it, he would say it- and maybe he didn't mind- _too_ much. “If you so choose.”

“I love you.”

Black Hat closed his eyes, and instead of saying anything, reached for Flug’s hand, giving it a tentative but firm squeeze. Flug had learned over the past few months that Black Hat, despite being a very eloquent speaker and someone who could talk for hours, was ultimately more of a man of action. Flug would never hear the words spoken back to him, but his actions said enough, in his opinion. There was an understanding between them, and a certain trust that was only getting stronger by the day.

And the sex was nice too, Flug couldn’t deny that. Especially once Black Hat finally started to take it somewhat seriously.

But while Flug had been lost in his own thoughts, Black Hat had been busy undoing his pants.

“S-Sir!” Flug stammered as Black Hat hurriedly tugged his pants down his legs. “D-Dementia could come back any minute!”

Black Hat tossed the jeans onto the floor and clicked his tongue. “You’re always using her as an excuse. Do you not want to have sex with me or something? Am I not desirable enough? I’ll happily sit here and take care of myself if need be.”

Flug could appreciate that, in his own weird roundabout way, Black Hat was ensuring that he had his consent. It was nice, in a way.

“N-No, I definitely want to, I just… I’ve never done anything like this in my workspace. Could we… take this to your room? Please?”

“Aww, why? Would you get distracted thinking about our trysts in here?” Black Hat asked, a teasing lilt in his voice. His tongue slithered out to press against his neck and he delighted in the shiver he received in response.

“Honestly? Probably,” Flug choked out through a moan.

Black Hat shrugged. “Fair enough. My room it is then.”

He lifted Flug into his arms, and before he could protest over being bridal-carried, he was tossed effortlessly onto Black Hat’s lush mattress.

The demon hovered over him, his grin wicked as he began shrugging off his coat. “I’m not letting you leave this room today.”

“Well that’s no good,” Flug argued halfheartedly as he began doing the same, tossing his labcoat onto the floor. “What if I have to use the bathroom?”

Black Hat shot him a look, but didn’t stop undressing. “Bringing up human bodily functions in bed. I’m practically melting with lust for you, Kenning Flugslys.”

“You’ll have to forgive me sir. My dirty talk needs work.”

“Clearly.”

Flug didn’t miss the small snicker he let out as he tossed his shirt off.

This wasn’t their first roll in the hay, but seeing Black Hat shirtless never failed to amaze him. His lack of nipples or a belly button still astounded Flug. When he’d asked about it the first time, he’d merely said that he hadn’t felt the need to manifest such pointless things. If they did not serve a functional purpose, he didn’t need them.

“Go on,” Black Hat said, holding his arms out wide. “Get all your staring in.”

“I’m sorry for staring,” he said, “I guess I’m just not used to this yet.”

“That’s a good thing. If you got used to me you’d get bored of me,” Black Hat insisted as he reached down to undo his belt.

Flug couldn’t help the shiver of arousal that ran through his very core at the sound of him pulling his belt through the belt loops of his pants. “Never sir. I could never get bored of you. I adore you.”

Black Hat made a low, seemingly embarrassed noise deep in his throat and pulled Flug into a brief kiss.

“Such a sap, you are.”

Flug smiled warmly, cheeks burning beneath the bag that was still partially covering his face. “I’d never leave you sir. You know that, right?”

“Oh I know,” Black Hat replied, his smile mischievous. “I know you won’t leave me.”

Suddenly he was leaning forward, pressing Flug back against the mattress. His head hit the wall, and when he opened his eyes again Black Hat was in between his legs, their hips perfectly aligned.

 _“Good boy,”_ Black Hat purred. “It would be in your best interest not to finish early. I’d be rather disappointed if this had to end so soon.”

“Sir,” Flug whined, “we can’t drag this out all day, I have orders and you have paperwork!”

“Well I’m the boss, and I say fuck your orders and fuck my paperwork.”

“You’re very unproductive when you’re horny,” Flug noted.

“Who the fuck is productive when they’re horny?”

“Dementia does it all the time.”

“Did you have to bring _her_ up right now?”

Flug laughed. “You’re the one who asked.”

“Clearly I shouldn’t have. Now stop talking so I can ravage you.”

“Only if you promise not to yell at me tomorrow when orders are behind because _someone_ demanded that I stay in bed all day.”

“I promise nothing, now come here." 

Black Hat pulled him into another searing kiss. Flug moaned into his mouth when Black Hat began moving his hips, grinding their clothed erections together. It wasn’t often that Black Hat was in the mood for foreplay like this- it seemed like he was in a relatively good mood tonight.

“Look at you,” Black Hat rasped into his half-exposed ear, “so worked up already and we haven’t even gotten to the good bit yet.”

“I could say the same about you,” Flug retorted as he felt Black Hat’s cock pulse beneath his boxers. “Can _you_ hold out?”

“Oh Flugslys, you do _not_ want to challenge me.” Black, shadowy tendrils not unlike the ones Flug saw in the research lab sprouted from his back, swaying lazily behind him. “If you do that, I can’t promise that you won’t come out of this without a scratch or two.”

“Did I ever tell you that I kinda like it when you scratch me?” Flug asked, sliding his cock sensuously against Black Hat’s.

“No,” Black Hat replied, his hips starting to stutter, “but I’ll be sure to make a note of that.”

Flug threw his head back in pleasure, biting his lip. “Sir, please, please it feels so good I… _please_ touch me…”

“Hmm,” Black Hat hummed as if considering it, leaning down to mouth at his neck. “Maybe if you blinked those adorable eyes of yours at me I’d grant your wish?”

Understanding what he wanted, Flug pulled the bag and goggles off completely, letting his messy brown locks free. He didn’t mind having the bag off if he was alone with Black Hat, but this was the first time he had had it all the way off during sex.

“There you are,” Black Hat cooed, cupping his scarred cheek. “My doctor.”

Self-consciousness ever so slowly seeped into the back of Flug's mind. He had no doubt that Black Hat could sense it.  “Why do you like my face so much?” he asked, reaching up to stroke Black Hat’s face.

A tendril came from behind and gingerly curled around Flug’s wrist. “Your face tells a story. It shows what you’ve suffered through and survived.”

“Are you a fan of stories, sir?”

Black Hat smiled wickedly. _“Love_ a good story. Perhaps one day I’ll tell you one of my old favorites.”

Flug mirrored his smile, although it was far less wicked and far more tender. His thumb reached up to stroke the spot just underneath Black Hat’s monocle. “Will you tell me the story of your missing eye?”

Black Hat waved a hand, and Flug faintly heard the sound of his underwear hitting the floor. He then jerked his hips forward, stirring a whimper out of Flug. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Flug nodded, his brain unable to string together the commands to form proper words as Black Hat wrapped a hand around his cock and began pumping lazily.

“It’s a good story,” Black Hat continued idly. “I won’t deny that. But I can’t say you’ll enjoy it if you’re not a believer in things you can’t explain.”

“That ship sailed-“ Flug paused to draw in a sharp breath, “a long time ago. Your existence is proof enough.”

Intrigued, Black Hat ran his thumb over the head of his cock. “Is it now? I’m flattered, Kenning, I truly am.”

Flug’s head rolled backwards, his eyes threatening to flutter closed. “Flattered? Why?”

“Because I made a believer out of a skeptic. Turned a man of science into a man of magic.” He picked up the pace, his strokes becoming firmer and faster.

“Ah- I’m still… _still_ a man of science,” Flug corrected him, “if I weren’t then you wouldn’t- _oh, right there_ \- wouldn’t have hired me.”

Black Hat removed his hand, tongue creeping out to lick his fingertips clean of precum. “I didn’t just hire you, you know.”

Before Flug could ask what he meant, Black Hat’s tendrils suddenly curled tightly around his wrists and ankles, securing him to the bed. “I _claimed_ you.”

He then hovered over Flug again with a devilish smirk. “From the moment you first learned about me and my organization…”

His hands explored Flug’s chest and stomach, fingers lightly dancing across his smooth skin, inching closer and closer to where Flug wanted him the most. “You’ve been mine ever since. In a sense, you could say we are…”

He leaned down to mouth lightly at his neck. _“The perfect match.”_

Before Flug could respond, Black Hat was already leaning away from him- and seemed to be in search of something. “Now then, have you got any lube?”

Flug blinked. “I, um… can’t you, you know… summon that?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m a villain, not a miracle worker?”

“Ugh.” Flug let out a frustrated sigh. “My room, nightstand, second drawer.”

Black Hat nodded. “Be back in a flash.”

With a wink he was gone, vanishing in a cloud of shadows.

Flug tried to sit back up again, and noticed that the binds still seemed to be holding him, even though Black Hat wasn’t physically there. Was there anything that man _couldn’t_ do?

_Summon lube, apparently._

Almost as quickly has he left, Black Hat suddenly reappeared with a bottle of lube in his hand. “You’re almost out,” he noted. “Just how often do you have lonely wanks?”

“You try being a sexually frustrated human male with little to no time for himself.”

“Can’t say I know what that feels like,” Black Hat admitted. “It’s a rare occasion for me to ever go solo. It must not be so simple for you." 

“When you’re me? No, it isn’t,” Flug retorted dryly.

“Well,” Black Hat said as he squeezed the lube onto his fingertips. “With me around you won’t have to worry about being sexually frustrated anymore. I’ll keep you _very_ satisfied. I have been these past few months, haven't I?”

 _"Definitely,"_ Flug said with a heavy, blissful sigh. But at the implication of Black Hat having other partners, something inside him encouraged him to speak up. “But it's just me, right?” he asked. “You want me and me alone, right?" 

“Oh, possessive are we?” Black Hat’s fingers trailed lightly up his thighs. “That’s quite attractive, Kenning. If you keep talking like that we’ll be moving along quite nicely.”

“Do you like that?” Flug asked curiously as Black Hat’s finger brushed against his entrance.

Black Hat merely hummed in response, grinding his cock into the sheets.

Flug wasn't kidding- his dirty talk really did need work. But Black Hat seemed to like what he was saying so far- it wouldn't hurt to try. “You like being needed,” he continued once Black Hat slipped his finger inside, “it makes you feel strong.”

Oddly enough, he remained silent, growling low in his throat as he spread Flug open.

“I need you,” Flug said desperately as he rocked his hips against Black Hat’s fingers. “I need you so bad, I need you inside me.”

Black Hat finally caved. _“Kenning,”_ he moaned, his voice breathy, “I had no idea you could be so _filthy_.”

“Oh, well, you... know what they say,” he said as Black Hat found his prostate, “you learn s-something new every day.”

“Indeed.” Black Hat changed his pace, a pleased smirk spreading along his lips when he heard Flug whine in response. “You never fail to teach me something new. I think you were right. I think ‘Professor Flugslys’ has a good ring to it.”

Flug filed that little tidbit of information away for later.

“I think I’m good,” he said, the discomfort having mostly dissipated, melting into pure pleasure. “I’m ready.”

Black Hat let out a pleased hum, slipping his fingers out- he hadn't wanted to spend too much time on this part, and it thrilled him to see that Flug was already so worked up. “Eager, are we?”

“You have no idea.”

Black Hat eyed the lube bottle he’d haphazardly tossed on the bed beside them. “How often did you use that lube thinking of me?”

Flug smirked. “Not nearly enough.”

“Quite the tease, you are.”

 _“I’m_ the tease?” Flug let out a dry laugh.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Black Hat tightened the restraints, then carelessly threw his underwear to the floor. _“Hm?”_

“It _means_ get on with it.”

Amazed at his bravado, Black Hat scooted up the bed until he was between Flug’s legs again, their hips slotted together. As two completely different beings, perhaps they shouldn't have fit together at all. But they did, in their own way- and that's what mattered. “You’re either very brave or very stupid. I’ve yet to figure out which.”

“Guess we’ll find out once the night is over.”

“Oh Flug, if I wanted to I could make sure that this night would _never_ end.” He nipped lightly at the shell of his ear. _“Don’t_ tempt me. I’ve never been very good at resisting temptation-“ he looked down between Flug’s legs and smirked, “obviously.”

“Are you saying I’ve tempted you?”

“Well of course,” he said plainly as he positioned his cock against Flug’s opening. “Everything about you screams “fuck me” right now, and you’re asking if you tempt me? _Please_. You know you do.”

He wasn't wrong.

Before Flug could come up with a witty response, Black Hat was pushing inside. The burn of the stretch, although a foreign feeling, was enough to cause a rush of desire to strike his dick.

“Resisting temptations is only for people who would have to face the consequences if they don’t,” Black Hat said, voice uneven as he began slowly thrusting in and out. “But when you’re me, consequences don’t matter in the long run.”

Somewhere deep down, Flug had always known this. Black Hat was a creature of desire, a man who got what he wanted when he wanted it- no questions asked. When he craved a soul- or human flesh- he acquired it. When he wanted to spend money, he spent it. When he wanted sex, he’d go to where he knew he could get it. It was amazing to Flug that despite him being a man wrapped in mystery there was _one_ thing that was so simple about him.

With Black Hat, he didn’t have to resist. He didn’t have to hide. He didn’t have to hold back.

“Maybe I could be like that too one day,” Flug mused. “I’m more “me” than I’ve ever been, when I’m with you,” he told him earnestly.

Black Hat’s grin stretched wide across his handsome face. “We’re not simply “you and I” anymore.” He emphasized this point with another sharp thrust, the head of his cock driving directly into Flug’s prostate. “We’re ‘us’.”

 _Us_. As in _them_. _Together_.

Somewhere during that speech, Black Hat had let the restraints loose- unconsciously or consciously, Flug didn’t know. But he certainly wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. With a confident smirk he broke free of the shadow tendrils holding him down and sat up, straddling Black Hat’s waist.

“Oh,” Black Hat said, sounding only mildly surprised, “so this is what you chose to do.”

“So you did it on purpose, then,” Flug said through a laugh. “Figures.”

Black Hat noted that they had separated and clicked his tongue. “Flug, are you going to correct this problem?”

“With pleasure,” Flug wasted no time, sinking down onto Black Hat’s cock without hesitation.

Black Hat hissed as his cock was quickly enveloped by tight warmth.

“Just out of curiosity, have you imagined this?” Flug inquired curiously as he wrapped his arms around Black Hat’s neck.

“Many times. You?”

“Same here.”

Black Hat could tell Flug was still somewhat inexperienced, what with how uneven he was every time he sunk back down onto his cock, but he was determined, and even if it put great physical strain on him, he could tell that he definitely wanted to see this through to the end.

“The efforts you’re making just to please me…” His voice tapered off into a low growl.

“Is it-“ Flug paused to throw his head back as Black Hat struck him at a particularly delightful angle. “Is it working?”

Instead of a verbal answer, Black Hat dug his fingers into Flug’s bony hips, certain that he would end up leaving bruises. “Keep… keep doing that. Ride me.”

“Yeah, whatever you want,” Flug breathed out as he finally started to gain some sort of rhythm in his sharp movements. “I’ll do anything for you, w-whatever you… you want.”

“I know… you will…”

It seemed Flug wasn’t the only one losing his speech. It brought him immense satisfaction to know that he was driving Black Hat to the edge, to know that he was the one bringing him to the absolute heights of pleasure. He wanted to ask what the best sex he’d ever had was like, so he could do it _better._

He’d save that for another night, though. Right now was about them.

Black Hat’s head rolled back, hands digging into the sheets. He could hear the sound of fabric ripping- his claws must have ejected. “Close… close… fuck-“

He wanted Black Hat to cum first. He drew closer to him, changing the angle a bit. They were nearly chest to chest now- far closer than they had been for the duration of the night. Flug couldn’t help it- deep down, he was, admittedly, sort of a romantic. He pulled Black Hat into a deep kiss as he sped up his pace.

“Flug,” he gasped against his lips, “I’m… _goddamn_ it-“

“It’s alright boss,” he said soothingly, “do it. You first.”

Black Hat wasn’t sure what was up and down, left or right. All his senses could make out was _Flug_ \- everywhere, all around him, all over him. Despite missing an eye he could see him so clearly, bathed in the red tinted afternoon light, the shadows dancing over his body as he moved. His intoxicating scent was overpowered by the salt of his sweat. The taste of his lips was all over his own as Flug had kissed him over and over again, whispering sweet words against his mouth that should’ve made him sick, but didn’t. The sound of his own heartbeat- a sound he hadn’t heard in years- the sound of Flug’s heartbeat, pounding so heavily that he thought it might burst out of his chest…

But more than anything, above all, he could _feel him._ Feel his fingers digging into his back, feel his arms wrapped loosely around him, feel his tongue invading his mouth, feel him clenching around his cock, urging him to cum.

It was all too much. The fact that a being such as himself could have his senses invaded so intensely was something he could hardly fathom.

Flug had done it again.

 _“Flug,_ ” he choked out, voice hoarse and far lighter than usual, “yes, _yes,_ I’m-“

 _“Boss!”_ Flug cried out, hips stuttering, body shaking, “I’m there! I’m gonna-!”

Black Hat was the first to let go. With a wanton shout he came deep inside Flug, pinning him down to hold him against him. He never wanted to let him go, wanted to keep him held there for all of eternity.  _Never leave me, never let go of me. You are mine._

At the feeling of Black Hat’s cum filling him, Flug let out a whimper and came hard across his stomach and thighs. He scrambled to hold onto Black Hat, using him as his support through his orgasm.  _I won't leave you, I won't let go. I'm yours._

“Oh… oh my God,” Flug murmured through deep, heavy breaths, collapsing back onto the mattress. “I… _holy_ …”

“There was… absolutely _nothing_ holy about what we just did,” Black Hat told him, turning to search for his clothes.

After getting a nice, long look at his surprisingly firm ass, Flug’s eyes drifted back up to his back, where several deep scratches adorned his skin.

“Did I do that to you?” Flug asked, mouth dropping in horror. “I- I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize-“

“If I didn’t like it, I would’ve said so,” Black Hat told him reassuringly as he slid his underwear on.

Flug watched his cock vanish beneath the fabric. “You’re already putting your clothes back on?” 

“...As tempting as it is to ravage you all day,” Black Hat said as he pulled his pants up, “you were right. We do have work to do.”

“Does that mean it’s back to work for me too?”

“But of course!” Black Hat leaned over the bed and pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth. “Be dressed in ten minutes.”

Flug rolled his eyes. "Speaking of being dressed- my pants, you left them in the lab..." 

Just as Flug was about to toss the blanket off to search for his clothes, he froze, a mortifying dread settling over him at the sound of a familiar feminine voice. 

“So listen Hatty, I know you told me to never come up here under any circumstances, but you weren’t in your office, and I needed to talk to you about- _HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”_

_-Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how this ended up being so romantic they're literally the least romantic couple ever,,,,, forgive me
> 
> thank you all so so much for reading! writing this fic was a blast and the response it's gotten has been overwhelming! thank you to all who left kudos and comments- your encouragement keeps me writing! 
> 
> until next time!

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr at drfluggs !


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